Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

TOPIC CLOSED
TOPIC CLOSED
Author
Discussion

davhill

5,263 posts

185 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
What do cannibals have for breakfast?

Shredded feet, followed by baked beings on toast.

glenrobbo

35,397 posts

151 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
silverfoxcc said:
Just seen Dolly Parton's Tour Bus
biggrin
Excellent!

Stolen for WhatsApp!


funkyrobot

18,789 posts

229 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
davhill said:
What do cannibals have for breakfast?

Shredded feet, followed by baked beings on toast.
Do they have the sausage too?

If they are polite, I bet they ask things like 'leg or breast, dear?'

General Price

5,275 posts

184 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all

gadgetmac

14,984 posts

109 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
laugh

The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

78 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
davhill said:
What do cannibals have for breakfast?

Shredded feet, followed by baked beings on toast.
Do they have the sausage too?

If they are polite, I bet they ask things like 'leg or breast, dear?'
Just do not ask for dumplings

funkyrobot

18,789 posts

229 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
LoonyTunes said:
I'd be surprised if that joke lasts 10 minutes.

I'd give you about 20 minutes.

wavey
And ...... it's gone. smile

EarlOfHazard

3,606 posts

159 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
LoonyTunes said:
I'd be surprised if that joke lasts 10 minutes.

I'd give you about 20 minutes.

wavey
What was it?

LoonyTunes

3,362 posts

76 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
EarlOfHazard said:
LoonyTunes said:
I'd be surprised if that joke lasts 10 minutes.

I'd give you about 20 minutes.

wavey
What was it?
Yeah, hold on, I'll repeat it just for you. laugh

LoonyTunes

3,362 posts

76 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
LoonyTunes said:
I'd be surprised if that joke lasts 10 minutes.

I'd give you about 20 minutes.

wavey
And ...... it's gone. smile
And you've survived, well done. thumbup

rayny

1,205 posts

202 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
Are limericks permitted :

There was a young lady from Cape Cod
Who thought she'd been screwed by God
But t'was not the almighty
Who lifted her nightie
It was Roger the Lodger, the sod

The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

78 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
There was an old man from Crew
Who spent all his time in the Loo

When he came out,
the Smell knocked you out

That Dirty old man from Crew

Comma removed=line number corrected smile

Edited by The Dangerous Elk on Friday 13th July 23:33

rayny

1,205 posts

202 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
The Dangerous Elk said:
There was an old man from Crew
Who spent all his time in the Loo

When he came out, the Smell knocked you out

That Dirty old man from Crew
You are a line short - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

78 months

Friday 13th July 2018
quotequote all
fixed

Ultra Sound Guy

28,655 posts

195 months

Saturday 14th July 2018
quotequote all
A wine hangover is the wrath of grapes.

gadgetmac

14,984 posts

109 months

Saturday 14th July 2018
quotequote all
rayny said:
The Dangerous Elk said:
There was an old man from Crew
Who spent all his time in the Loo

When he came out, the Smell knocked you out

That Dirty old man from Crew
You are a line short - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)
If he thinks thats funny he’s had too many lines.

hairyben

8,516 posts

184 months

Saturday 14th July 2018
quotequote all
gadgetmac said:
rayny said:
The Dangerous Elk said:
There was an old man from Crew
Who spent all his time in the Loo

When he came out, the Smell knocked you out

That Dirty old man from Crew
You are a line short - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)
If he thinks thats funny he’s had too many lines.
it's a bit of a failure to understand rhyming.

CanAm

9,302 posts

273 months

Saturday 14th July 2018
quotequote all
hairyben said:
gadgetmac said:
rayny said:
The Dangerous Elk said:
There was an old man from Crewe
Who spent all his time in the Loo
When he came out,
the Smell knocked you out
That Dirty old man from Crewe
You are a line short - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)
If he thinks thats funny he’s had too many lines.
it's a bit of a failure to understand rhyming.
FTFY

Jonboy_t

5,038 posts

184 months

Saturday 14th July 2018
quotequote all
Not really a joke as such, but I am on my jollies at the mo and was surprised to see that France caters for pretty much anything you could ever want to buy...


stuartmmcfc

8,671 posts

193 months

Saturday 14th July 2018
quotequote all
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are ****ing impossible to please."
TOPIC CLOSED
TOPIC CLOSED