Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Jonboy_t]

Times are hard for some people on disability benefits at the moment. I have a friend with dwarfism and he’s struggling just to put food on the table.

[hutchst]

havoc said:

So was the kitten travelling at the speed of light too?

Only when the lid was open.

[Filton-flyer]

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.

[Filton-flyer]

[davhill]

I've put a friend's 1932 Webley air pistol up for sale on guntrader so I thought I'd check how many views it's had.

I struggled to find it. No wonder, given I'd searched for Gnutrader.

[Vipers]

A little boy stands on a butterfly, his dad says "No butter for a week", the next day the little boy jumps on a honeybee, dad says, "No honey for a week".


A few days later, his mum stands on a cockroach, the little boy looks to his dad and says, "Are you gonna tell her or shall i?"

[mybrainhurts]

Doing a charity parachute jump, David Blunket asked how he would know when he was near the ground.

"When your dog's lead goes slack" replied the instructor.

[Russian Troll Bot]

My wife handed me two kayak paddles and asked, "Which one do you want?"

I said I'd take either/oar.

[Muntu]

davhill said:

I've put a friend's 1932 Webley air pistol up for sale on guntrader so I thought I'd check how many views it's had.

I struggled to find it. No wonder, given I'd searched for Gnutrader.

Try searching for "1932 Webley air pistol "?

[Doofus]

davhill said:

I've put a friend's 1932 Webley air pistol up for sale on guntrader so I thought I'd check how many views it's had.

I struggled to find it. No wonder, given I'd searched for Gnutrader.

Mossberg/Mooseberg.

Just one suggestion as to how to begin to make this joke funny.

[davhill]

It isn't a joke, just a mistake on my part this afternoon.

I was surprised to not have someone trying to sell me one of these...

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Doofus said:

Mossberg/Mooseberg.

Just one suggestion as to how to begin to make this random jumble of words resemble a joke.

FTFY,

[Evangelion]

That's the end of the gnus, what about the weather?

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Are you a gnu?

[Peanut Gallery]

What did dad gnu say to boy gnu when he was packed up to go to school?

Bye son.


Where do gnus wash their hooves?

In a bison.

[davhill]

Wildebeest that's posting these awful jokes please stop.

[PixelpeepS3]

Filton-flyer said:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.

If it happened twice you'd be too-tense to think about anything else.

[glenrobbo]

mybrainhurts said:

Doing a charity parachute jump, David Blunket asked how he would know when he was near the ground.

"When your dog's lead goes slack" replied the instructor.

'Nurts,

That's the best one on here for ages.

Thankyou for sharing it.






( Which rôle does Sean Connery play? )

[GloverMart]

glenrobbo said:

'Nurts,

That's the best one on here for ages.

Thankyou for sharing it.






( Which rôle does Sean Connery play? )

They always talk about the bond between a guide dog and its owner... must be him!

[anonymous-user]

what is the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

you can't wash your hands in a buffalo

(surely that must be the last of them!)