Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[glenrobbo]

GloverMart said:

glenrobbo said:

'Nurts,

That's the best one on here for ages.

Thankyou for sharing it.






( Which rôle does Sean Connery play? )

They always talk about the bond between a guide dog and its owner... must be him!

Ah yes, of course: the lead rôle!

[glenrobbo]

Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me.

I had only myshelf to blame.

[Sticks.]

JPJPJP said:

(surely that must be the last of them!)

Yes, we've probably herd them all now.

[PixelpeepS3]

Sticks. said:

JPJPJP said:

(surely that must be the last of them!)

Yes, we've probably herd them all now.

Well done. Have a pat on the back

[The Dangerous Elk]

PixelpeepS3 said:

Well done. Have a pat on the back

Strange, but that made me Horny

[Sticks.]

The Dangerous Elk said:

trange, but that made me Horny

Think I'd better steer clear of you then.

[davhill]

The Dangerous Elk said:

trange, but that made me Horny

That's an udder story...

[Evangelion]

I know PH is mostly bullocks, but this is ridiculous.

[PixelpeepS3]

Evangelion said:

I know PH is mostly bullocks, but this is ridiculous.

He was just trying to make an off the calf comment

[glenrobbo]

PUNS PUNS PUNS!

It always reverts to puns!

This is supposed to be the joke thread.

There is a dedicated thread for puns.

Why don't you lot bloody well use it????

[Shuvi McTupya]

glenrobbo said:

PUNS PUNS PUNS!

It always reverts to puns!

This is supposed to be the joke thread.

There is a dedicated thread for puns.

Why don't you lot bloody well use it????

Whats your beef with puns?

[LordGrover]

Well thought out puns can be amusing. What we tend to see here is cretinous word association, which is tedious.

[simoid]

Field full of gnus. How do you tell which one is on holiday?

It’s the one with the wee calf.

Scottish accent will help.

[Trophy Husband]

How do you get a fat girl into bed?






Piece of Cake!!

[Evangelion]

Last night, I met a prostitute with a wonky elbow.

So I asked her:

"What's a joint like this doing in a girl like you?"

[The Dangerous Elk]

LordGrover said:

Well thought out puns can be amusing. What we tend to see here is cretinous word association, which is tedious.

You had best tell us one of yours to cheer us all up then

[mickk]

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?


Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

[davhill]

mickk said:

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?


Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

I am Fartacus.

[K12beano]

...and then I have this one friend in particular.

I don’t know how to tell him I’m imaginary.

[mickk]