The PH thread of things you don't say to your missus.
Discussion
I still can't believe I said this.
When, in front of your extended family, you’re asked to pose for a group picture and your wife is reluctant to be in said picture.
Don't.
And I mean, don't, Shout out.
"Come on darling, don't be shy, you could use this one as the before picture for your weight watchers profile"
The second I shouted it out I felt my stomach turn.....the resultant argument resulted in her staying at her mum's for a night.
The thing is, she's not fat, it was a (really bad) joke
.
When, in front of your extended family, you’re asked to pose for a group picture and your wife is reluctant to be in said picture.
Don't.
And I mean, don't, Shout out.
"Come on darling, don't be shy, you could use this one as the before picture for your weight watchers profile"
The second I shouted it out I felt my stomach turn.....the resultant argument resulted in her staying at her mum's for a night.
The thing is, she's not fat, it was a (really bad) joke
.
Carl_Spackler said:
I still can't believe I said this.
When, in front of your extended family, you’re asked to pose for a group picture and your wife is reluctant to be in said picture.
Don't.
And I mean, don't, Shout out.
"Come on darling, don't be shy, you could use this one as the before picture for your weight watchers profile"
The second I shouted it out I felt my stomach turn.....the resultant argument resulted in her staying at her mum's for a night.
The thing is, she's not fat, it was a (really bad) joke
.
When, in front of your extended family, you’re asked to pose for a group picture and your wife is reluctant to be in said picture.
Don't.
And I mean, don't, Shout out.
"Come on darling, don't be shy, you could use this one as the before picture for your weight watchers profile"
The second I shouted it out I felt my stomach turn.....the resultant argument resulted in her staying at her mum's for a night.
The thing is, she's not fat, it was a (really bad) joke
.
you bloody idiot! 
2 things:
1: In a busy River Island when she tried on a dress - "It makes your hips look big" - The thought just fell out of my mouth. (My, now, ex wife)
2: To my current missus "You're not really a thin woman", cue much backtracking as I tried to explain that what I meant was that you're "not like those skinny girls", no, no, what I meant was that you're just the right proportions - She let me dig and grovel for about an hour....
1: In a busy River Island when she tried on a dress - "It makes your hips look big" - The thought just fell out of my mouth. (My, now, ex wife)
2: To my current missus "You're not really a thin woman", cue much backtracking as I tried to explain that what I meant was that you're "not like those skinny girls", no, no, what I meant was that you're just the right proportions - She let me dig and grovel for about an hour....
Matt UK said:
At some point in time, or it may already have happened to you, your other half will initiate a light-hearted game called "if I died and you had to marry someone we both know, who would it be and why?"
It seems like a bit of light banter over a bottle of wine, ha, ha, ha.
Don't give an answer. Seriously. Change the subject, tip the red wine bottle over the new carpet, hit the nearest fire bell, distract her by causing yourself an horrific injury with the nearest sharp object, fein death.
Just do not answer that question. Ever.
I answered this with "fIt seems like a bit of light banter over a bottle of wine, ha, ha, ha.
Don't give an answer. Seriously. Change the subject, tip the red wine bottle over the new carpet, hit the nearest fire bell, distract her by causing yourself an horrific injury with the nearest sharp object, fein death.
Just do not answer that question. Ever.
k me, get married again? never !!! " then I saw my mistake " never ever would I find a girl so wunderful as you, and I'd rather live the life of a monk, than accept second best "Got away with it, just.
I have twice and with different girls (you would have thought i'd learn first time) answered the question of "you do still love me?" with "no"
Honestly, you'd think the fallout with the first would have made me learn to lie the second time.
Oh and if you do say that, do not, i mean DO NOT EVER, EVER tell her that you had to be drunk to have sex with her at the end of the relationship as a parting shot, it will not help diffuse the situation.
It made all other occasions of The Mental seem pale in comparison.
Honestly, you'd think the fallout with the first would have made me learn to lie the second time.
Oh and if you do say that, do not, i mean DO NOT EVER, EVER tell her that you had to be drunk to have sex with her at the end of the relationship as a parting shot, it will not help diffuse the situation.
It made all other occasions of The Mental seem pale in comparison.
omgus said:
I have twice and with different girls (you would have thought i'd learn first time) answered the question of "you do still love me?" with "no"
Honestly, you'd think the fallout with the first would have made me learn to lie the second time.
Oh and if you do say that, do not, i mean DO NOT EVER, EVER tell her that you had to be drunk to have sex with her at the end of the relationship as a parting shot, it will not help diffuse the situation.
It made all other occasions of The Mental seem pale in comparison.
And yet my wife of 21 years thought it fine to tell me she hated me on more than one occasion during the weekend. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, because she was stressed and needed someone to take out her uncontrollable and pointless rage on. Honestly, you'd think the fallout with the first would have made me learn to lie the second time.
Oh and if you do say that, do not, i mean DO NOT EVER, EVER tell her that you had to be drunk to have sex with her at the end of the relationship as a parting shot, it will not help diffuse the situation.
It made all other occasions of The Mental seem pale in comparison.
Not my other half- thank god, but one of my best friends (female) got back from a few months in argentina recently.
Almost immediatly after saying hello and welcome back i said-
"oh wow, you've bulked out a bit."
Not a good idea. I have always sort of treated her as one of the guys as she knows more about cars than most poeple. So i was a bit taken aback when she screamed "I BEG YOUR PARDON! NO I HAVEN'T!" at me. To which i said "Haven't you? oh, fair enough then." and left it at that.
She gave me a right bking after it.... OH WELL
Almost immediatly after saying hello and welcome back i said-
"oh wow, you've bulked out a bit."
Not a good idea. I have always sort of treated her as one of the guys as she knows more about cars than most poeple. So i was a bit taken aback when she screamed "I BEG YOUR PARDON! NO I HAVEN'T!" at me. To which i said "Haven't you? oh, fair enough then." and left it at that.
She gave me a right b
king after it.... OH WELLhttp://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
She forgave me, but there are some hilarious ones in that thread.
She forgave me, but there are some hilarious ones in that thread.
Marquis_Rex said:
Apparently refusing to go down on my ex- and then shoving my hand up her and placing my hand back up near her nose to give her a whiff of the stench didn't make her see reason and upset her instead.
being one of them!My girlfriend is a redhead. When I first met her in a classy nightclub in town I thought she was a brunette because it was dark. Upon leaving the club and seeing her under the street lighting I said "fking hell if you had told me you was ginger I wouldn't have bothered!"
Surprisingly she's still with me 5 years later
king hell if you had told me you was ginger I wouldn't have bothered!"Surprisingly she's still with me 5 years later
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff