How do you deal with messy drawn out situations?
Discussion
hornetrider said:
t400ble said:
Let her tell people what she wants, you know the truth.
Doesn't always work like that. Why would the OP want an unpleasant untrue rumour spread by some scumbag? Muzzer79 said:
LeeThr said:
She isn't a money orientated person
Much to learn, young Skywalker.You seem to be very bothered about the fact she's been saying various things to various people, when all the evidence points to you not being the Father of the child.
Disassociate yourself from the problem. It's virtually guaranteed that you're not the father, so start focusing on your own life without this woman and her offspring and just wait for the court to do it's thing in the background.
There's no point stressing about something which you already know the answer to.
(seems like a win for you if you're not the Dad btw)
And yes, the ultimate in this situation is that the little girl in question isn't mine, at least that way I can cut all ties once and for all with my ex & move on with my life.
Mr-B said:
No fathers name on the birth certificate? If ever there was an admission of "I don't know who the father is" it's right there, in invisible ink. If she knew who it was it would have said "some soldiers" or similar.
Bullet dodged, move on.
The father would need to have been present at the registering for his name to appear on the certificate. Bullet dodged, move on.
northwest monkey said:
Impasse said:
The father would need to have been present at the registering for his name to appear on the certificate.
Is that right?What happens if Dad is in the Army & gets blown up while Mum is pregnant?
LeeThr said:
northwest monkey said:
Impasse said:
The father would need to have been present at the registering for his name to appear on the certificate.
Is that right?What happens if Dad is in the Army & gets blown up while Mum is pregnant?
still fighting for a DNA test years later.
sympathy to the OP but I am mentally slapping him round the face
LeeThr whilst smoking crack said:
She isn't a money orientated person, her whole family lives on benefits and smoke like absolutely chimneys so she's been brought up being used to going without, which is the only reason I can think of why she hasn't pursued CSA
LeeThr when slapped to his senses said:
Her whole family are money-grabbing scroungers who spend all their ill-gotten gains on tabs at decent folks expense, so she's been brought up to be as lazy and sponge off the state or some mug like you; the only reason I can think of why she hasn't pursued CSA is because you would insist on a paternity test and expose the lie
I feel sorry for the OP, he's come on here for advice about how to deal with pressure while you wait for the unknown. Most of what has happened so far is he has been quizzed about things he has already answered (in other posts) and told what to do about the DNA test which he had already got in motion, using a solicitor as anyone would recommend.
From what I can see OP you have handled this in the best possible way so far, hopefully you will get the answer that you need ASAP.
In the meantime the only advice I can offer while waiting on drawn out situations is destraction, you need another project to throw yourself into to take your mind off this as much as is possible. Build something, write something, paint something, anything you can do that will allow you to focus on that rather than the Scarlet situation.
Good luck with it, whatever the result I'm sure you will cope with it and act for the best.
From what I can see OP you have handled this in the best possible way so far, hopefully you will get the answer that you need ASAP.
In the meantime the only advice I can offer while waiting on drawn out situations is destraction, you need another project to throw yourself into to take your mind off this as much as is possible. Build something, write something, paint something, anything you can do that will allow you to focus on that rather than the Scarlet situation.
Good luck with it, whatever the result I'm sure you will cope with it and act for the best.
jshell said:
Sorry, that won't absolve him of his obligations if it is his child. He can't just 'not get involved', he will be 'involved'.
Obligations.Financial
Moral
Not sure if that's what you meant.
If financial and if the mother refuses a DNA test then without proof the child is his how can he be financially responsible. If he is the Dad then yes I agree with you.
If moral, that's up to him. I don't necessarily think he has a moral obligation. However I speak with the luxury of having zero experience in this.
Whatever, I hope it works out OK for him.
wildcat45 said:
jshell said:
Sorry, that won't absolve him of his obligations if it is his child. He can't just 'not get involved', he will be 'involved'.
Obligations.Financial
Moral
Not sure if that's what you meant.
If financial and if the mother refuses a DNA test then without proof the child is his how can he be financially responsible. If he is the Dad then yes I agree with you.
If moral, that's up to him. I don't necessarily think he has a moral obligation. However I speak with the luxury of having zero experience in this.
Whatever, I hope it works out OK for him.
look, you state you have two jobs and yr at University. You clearly have something about you.
You may or may not have got some slut pregnant from the local council estate. They will see a chap like you as manna from heaven.
with a new baby, costs probably havent quite hit, but they will soon as it grows and needs more and more.
they will pursue you. This may of course fade when the next chap turns up. He may well also want his new gf to pursue you for money.
You need the DNA to put this to bed. If the baby is yours, then at least you can have a go at bringing it up well.
stay calm, don't get abusive by text or moron book. These things can be raised against you in the future, should you be the dad.
You may or may not have got some slut pregnant from the local council estate. They will see a chap like you as manna from heaven.
with a new baby, costs probably havent quite hit, but they will soon as it grows and needs more and more.
they will pursue you. This may of course fade when the next chap turns up. He may well also want his new gf to pursue you for money.
You need the DNA to put this to bed. If the baby is yours, then at least you can have a go at bringing it up well.
stay calm, don't get abusive by text or moron book. These things can be raised against you in the future, should you be the dad.
Mr-B said:
No fathers name on the birth certificate? If ever there was an admission of "I don't know who the father is" it's right there, in invisible ink. If she knew who it was it would have said "some soldiers" or similar.
Bullet dodged, move on.
This and go and get yourself tested for every nasty disease under the sun just to check you haven't been given a gift thats lying dormantBullet dodged, move on.
Best of luck OP, but on a more positive note...
LeeThr said:
...and it's affecting my sleep as well, i'm lucky if I see more than 4/5 hours a night and that's if i've really worn myself out throughout the day...
IF it were yours and IF you were still an item, 4-5 hours of sleep per night could be wishful thinking, so every cloud...jshell said:
Very close to my feelings, but, the child has no choice in this and I truly believe that anyone proven to have fathered a child, unless through the most horrendous circumstances, has a very moral obligation.
I tend to agree with that too but I suppose individual circumstances vary. I am thinking about a former work colleague of mine who fathered a child with someone else when he and his wife split. They subsequently got back together.He contributes financially but the mother seems to be a very angry fruit loop. For the child's sake he has kept away. From his point of view he thinks it is better that the child grows up with stability and without conflict rather than in a world where this bloke who her mum used to know turns up and is at the centre of rows, access battles and the like.
He explained it to me in detail one day when I inadvertently overheard him in the phone to his solicitor or someone.
What on the face of it appeared callous responsibility ducking behaviour wasn't.
These things just get so hate filled and messy with the kid as some emotional ball in a game that's half volley ball, half rugby. Sometimes for the kids sake it's better for the game to stop.
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