Stupidest/Funniest Sexual Moment

[escargot]

Not according to www.animalfking.com

[blindswelledrat]

Mikeyboy said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

ETA - No I'm not fat or even close to it.

You do realize that she is unlikely to have sex with you just because you have giggled at her average joke don't you?

[im]

blindswelledrat said:

smutbag said:

Justayellowbadge said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

Bit harsh, Smutters.

I read it as a genuine question, presumably prompted by Sir Rodney Of Rammage, who's hands are obviously too occupied to type since this thread began.

Edited by Justayellowbadge on Friday 25th July 15:46

I thought, well it's obvious how I read it. If thats not, I apologise for suggesting BSR is/had a small knob. Shall I hand out a few lines about not being the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean etc or just give up now?

Perhaps I'll just slope off with my (jack russells) tail between my legs instead...

I don't really understand the things you type (the accent?) but I have got quite a small cock if that's what you were asking.

Apparently its trendy now...so I'm told...














...frequently

[smutbag]

cornishgirl said:

I was going to post my naughty beach story but reading above I cannot begin to compete with Vesuvius.
So I'll just leave a instead.

Come'on cornishgirl, bring it on!

[sleep envy]

blindswelledrat said:

Mikeyboy said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

ETA - No I'm not fat or even close to it.

You do realize that she is unlikely to have sex with you just because you have giggled at her average joke don't you?

is that why the jack russell doesn't laugh?

[blindswelledrat]

Me too IM. Very shortly before I am reminded "it's ok, happens to a lot of men".
Phew.

[escargot]

smutbag said:

cornishgirl said:

I was going to post my naughty beach story but reading above I cannot begin to compete with Vesuvius.
So I'll just leave a instead.

Come'on cornishgirl, bring it on!

Yeah, come on cornishgirl, your lips look like they were built for suckin'.

[dan1981]

escargot said:

Not according to www.animalfking.com

Can you check the link please? Doesn't seem to work properly?

[crofty1984]

smutbag said:

Justayellowbadge said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

Bit harsh, Smutters.

I read it as a genuine question, presumably prompted by Sir Rodney Of Rammage, who's hands are obviously too occupied to type since this thread began.

Edited by Justayellowbadge on Friday 25th July 15:46

I thought, well it's obvious how I read it. If thats not, I apologise for suggesting BSR is/had a small knob. Shall I hand out a few lines about not being the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean etc or just give up now?

Perhaps I'll just slope off with my (jack russells) tail between my legs instead...

So hang on, is this about the size of smutbag's waist, or if she likes to indulge in a bit of "cumbering"? Because that's how I took it, and smutters, if you love a bit of the ol'd bannanarama from time to time, that's nobody's business but your own. An Pistonheads' of course.

[escargot]

dan1981 said:

escargot said:

Not according to www.animalfking.com

Can you check the link please? Doesn't seem to work properly?

I've taken it offline due to the amount of hits coming in from Sleep's office.

[Mikeyboy]

blindswelledrat said:

Mikeyboy said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

ETA - No I'm not fat or even close to it.

You do realize that she is unlikely to have sex with you just because you have giggled at her average joke don't you?

Oh christ, did I just waste that smilie then?

[The Curn]

dan1981 said:

escargot said:

Not according to www.animalfking.com

Can you check the link please? Doesn't seem to work properly?

Also, is it safe for work?

[cornishgirl]

The Ben said:

cornishgirl said:

I was going to post my naughty beach story but reading above I cannot begin to compete with Vesuvius.
So I'll just leave a instead.

Dont be shy, and if its any good, are you single and like sex?? and if its rubbish, are you single and like sex???

in fact even if you dont have a story are you midly atractive, single and like sex??

I'm not very good at telling stories especially in competition with the classics in here.
So, just the chapter headings and you can fill in the gaps.

18
Boyfriend
Late Night
Beach
Clothes off
Rudies in the surf
Some bard steals our clothes
And, how I got home and into the house without mum seeing me

[escargot]

The Curn said:

dan1981 said:

escargot said:

Not according to www.animalfking.com

Can you check the link please? Doesn't seem to work properly?

Also, is it safe for work?

Yes. If work equates to looking at pictures of fat lasses taking it off a horse.

[sleep envy]

escargot said:

dan1981 said:

escargot said:

Not according to www.animalfking.com

Can you check the link please? Doesn't seem to work properly?

I've taken it offline due to the amount of hits coming in from Sleep's office.

>putschangebackinpocket<

[blindswelledrat]

Mikeyboy said:

blindswelledrat said:

Mikeyboy said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

ETA - No I'm not fat or even close to it.

You do realize that she is unlikely to have sex with you just because you have giggled at her average joke don't you?

Oh christ, did I just waste that smilie then?

I did say unlikely....not impossible.
Its a bit of a Catch-22 though. If she is slim and attractive the 'unlikely' is increased to 'no chance whatsoever' but if she is big and fat with a beard the unlikey is reduced to 'A couple more smilies and she's yours in return for a fish supper'

[The Curn]

escargot said:

The Curn said:

dan1981 said:

escargot said:

Not according to www.animalfking.com

Can you check the link please? Doesn't seem to work properly?

Also, is it safe for work?

Yes. If work equates to looking at pictures of fat lasses taking it off a horse.

Should be fine in that case...

Out of interest you don't work in Oxford do you?

[escargot]

Nope.

[smutbag]

blindswelledrat said:

Mikeyboy said:

blindswelledrat said:

Mikeyboy said:

smutbag said:

blindswelledrat said:

Smutbag, out if interest, do you like your food, if you get my drift?

Blindswelledrate, out of interest, do you have to compensate with your fingers, if you get my drift?"

ETA - No I'm not fat or even close to it.

You do realize that she is unlikely to have sex with you just because you have giggled at her average joke don't you?

Oh christ, did I just waste that smilie then?

I did say unlikely....not impossible.
Its a bit of a Catch-22 though. If she is slim and attractive the 'unlikely' is increased to 'no chance whatsoever' but if she is big and fat with a beard the unlikey is reduced to 'A couple more smilies and she's yours in return for a fish supper'

Only if you put pickled eggs on the side and make it an extra large portion of chips

[The Stuntman *]

On another thread...

I said:

Odd one, here...

I did something that my mother wouldn't approve of but I never really found out if she did know or not. I'll explain.

She used to keep a mortar and pestle on the kitchen window shelf. I was entertaining a lady friend in the kitchen one evening and things got heated. During our session (bearing in mind my mum was in the adjacent living room) I reached back for the pestle and used it as a makeshift dildo. Beautiful. It worked so well that we ended up taking it up to the bedroom with us to continue with our rogering session. I can only assume that the missing pestle had been noted by mother as when I replaced it the next morning, both the mortar and pestle ended up nestling in the bin at the end of the day.