Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[silverfoxcc]

[glenrobbo]

Jim1064 said:

silverfoxcc said:

London Airport

which one?

Croydon?

[motco]

Halmyre said:

And now for a topical joke instead of something out of the Beano or Dandy c.mid 1950s:

A hole has appeared in the racetrack at Las Vegas. Officials are looking into it.

That proves my theory that the circuit is part of a colossal gaming table and that is where a shiny ball goes down in some diabolical bagatelle table!

[Master Of Puppets]

silverfoxcc said:

Brittany Spears

[Master Of Puppets]

Just opened my washing machine and found my cat "Ginger" dead.

Ah well at least he died in Comfort.

[Steve vRS]

Master Of Puppets said:

silverfoxcc said:

Brittany Spears

Very good.

[silverfoxcc]

glenrobbo said:

Jim1064 said:

silverfoxcc said:

London Airport

which one?

Croydon?[/quote


close but nit a coconut

[Vipers]

glenrobbo said:

Jim1064 said:

silverfoxcc said:

London Airport

which one?

Croydon?

Blimey, must be a very old joke

[MartG]

[rayny]

Vipers said:

Blimey, must be a very old joke

You should know, because you are an acknowledged expert on old jokes

[Biker's Nemesis]

A young Chav is on a Bus when he see's a Nun.

He saunters over and says " I've always wanted to make love to a Nun". The Nun says, "I am saving my self for the Holy Ghost and can not be turned", he asks again and again with no luck.

Shortly after she gets off the bus.

The Bus driver says to the Chav, " I know that Nun and every Friday at midnight she goes to the local graveyard and prays for the Holy Ghost to show himself.

So...

..The Chav covers himself in a White sheet and sure enough there's the Nun kneeling down praying for the Holy Ghost to show himself.

Wooooooo, "I am the Holy Ghost" says the Chav. The Nun jumps up and says "I have been waiting on this day for 20 years, make love to me but I am on my period so you will have to do me up the bottom"!

The Holy Ghost bends the nun over a grave stone, does his job, stands up, pulls back the sheet and says "Ha, I am the Chav who wanted to make love to you" just as the Nun removes the hat a veil and says "Ha, I am the Bus driver".

[lord trumpton]

Biker's Nemesis said:

A young Chav is on a Bus when he see's a Nun.

He saunters over and says " I've always wanted to make love to a Nun". The Nun says, "I am saving my self for the Holy Ghost and can not be turned", he asks again and again with no luck.

Shortly after she gets off the bus.

The Bus driver says to the Chav, " I know that Nun and every Friday at midnight she goes to the local graveyard and prays for the Holy Ghost to show himself.

So...

..The Chav covers himself in a White sheet and sure enough there's the Nun kneeling down praying for the Holy Ghost to show himself.

Wooooooo, "I am the Holy Ghost" says the Chav. The Nun jumps up and says "I have been waiting on this day for 20 years, make love to me but I am on my period so you will have to do me up the bottom"!

The Holy Ghost bends the nun over a grave stone, does his job, stands up, pulls back the sheet and says "Ha, I am the Chav who wanted to make love to you" just as the Nun removes the hat a veil and says "Ha, I am the Bus driver".

With thanks to the late and great Bernard Manning

[Biker's Nemesis]

lord trumpton said:

With thanks to the late and great Bernard Manning

Yep.
I was going to recite the 2 sisters with TB one.

Anyway I was going to ask if you're a bus driver but decided against it as it would make me look childish.


(Sticks tounge out in your dorection).

[Sticks.]

Master Of Puppets said:

Just opened my washing machine and found my cat "Ginger" dead.

Ah well at least he died in Comfort.

Just don't tell the kids you put ginger in the curry.

[lord trumpton]

Biker's Nemesis said:

lord trumpton said:

With thanks to the late and great Bernard Manning

Yep.
I was going to recite the 2 sisters with TB one.

Anyway I was going to ask if you're a bus driver but decided against it as it would make me look childish.


(Sticks tounge out in your dorection).

I remember him telling that one when I watched him at his Embassy club

[Vipers]

rayny said:

Vipers said:

Blimey, must be a very old joke

You should know, because you are an acknowledged expert on old jokes

Only because I read so many on here

[Biker's Nemesis]

lord trumpton said:

I remember him telling that one when I watched him at his Embassy club

I never saw him live but I did like him, he was a good comic of the time.

[GloverMart]

Whilst trying to remember the difference between incompetence, impotence and incontinence, I tripped over a box of Viagra and pissed myself.

[Monkeylegend]

When I was 16 my Doctor told me I had a choice between having a good memory or a large penis.

To this day I can't remember what I choose.

[Caruso]

My car has spent so much time on the garage lift it’s done more mileage vertically than horizontally.

The mechanic advised me to keep the oil and change the car.