Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Pieman68 said:
A polar bear walks into a bar:-
"Can I have a pint of lager please.................................
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And a packet of cheese and onion crips?"
"Certainly sir" replied the barman, "but can I ask what's with the big pause"
"I'm a polar bear, they're for catching fish"
That's grizzlies, brown bears etc"Can I have a pint of lager please.................................
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And a packet of cheese and onion crips?"
"Certainly sir" replied the barman, "but can I ask what's with the big pause"
"I'm a polar bear, they're for catching fish"
Polar bears don't really go fishing like that
Wacky Racer said:
The wife was trying to be sexy for me last night. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop. Then she slipped it up her fanny... I said, "Careful with that, love. You'll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow!"
Now I wish my wife was a lollypop lady. She is a dinner lady, what a messy 
.Paddy hates his wifes cat so much he drives to the next town & dumps it when he gets home its there, next day he drives 50miles & dumps it when he gets home its there, “right he thinks i’ll fuc*in show you”, next day he drives to the other end of the country & dumps it, 6hrs later he rings his wife “is the cat home”? Yes she replies, good says paddy put the c*** on the phone im lost!!!
Pieman68 said:
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a pint of lager
"Sorry sir, we don't serve pieces of string"
Next day, in he walks again
"Pint of lager please"
"Sorry sir, we don't serve pieces of string"
Next day, same again
"Are you a piece of string"
"No, I'm a frayed knot"
Reminded me about the woman who walks into the fishmongers and asks for a pound of cod."Sorry sir, we don't serve pieces of string"
Next day, in he walks again
"Pint of lager please"
"Sorry sir, we don't serve pieces of string"
Next day, same again
"Are you a piece of string"
"No, I'm a frayed knot"
"Sorry madam, no cod till tomorrow"
Shes back an hour later "Pound of cod please"
"Sorry madam, no cod till tomorrow"
Comes back an hour later "Pound of cod please"
"Madam, there is no "C. O. F. D" cod till tomorrow"
She says "There is no 'f' in cod"
He says "Yes madam, that's what I am telling you"
Cold said:
I just got a pet newt. I've called him Tiny because he's my newt.
My mum got a chihuahua crossed with a pug (i.e. a chug). He was a small dog with big ideas so I christened him Arnold - guess who he was named after.
Over the years, this was extended and extrapolated to the full name of a famous but mythical war hero.
He became 'Group Captain the right honourable Sir Arnold 'Binky' Stoatington-Brown DFC.'
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