Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

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psi310398

9,234 posts

205 months

Monday 1st October 2018
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We've had two jokes on the bounce about upset wives where the final line was missing, namely, "he didn't hear the shot".

What's wrong with you people?


Evangelion

7,779 posts

180 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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Perhaps he couldn't reach for his gun because the fight had just started.

nonsequitur

20,083 posts

118 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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Evangelion said:
Perhaps he couldn't reach for his gun because the fight had just started.
Analysing or explaining jokes? Not a good idea.

psi310398

9,234 posts

205 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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nonsequitur said:
Evangelion said:
Perhaps he couldn't reach for his gun because the fight had just started.
Analysing or explaining jokes? Not a good idea.
Anybody seen a parrot round here?

The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

79 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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psi310398 said:
Anybody seen a parrot round here?
It was shot a long time ago

Ultra Sound Guy

28,665 posts

196 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!

captain_cynic

12,303 posts

97 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Aernard?

Halmyre

11,296 posts

141 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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The Dangerous Elk said:
psi310398 said:
Anybody seen a parrot round here?
It was shot a long time ago
By a kitten. During a fight.

GAjon

3,742 posts

215 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Cunard mac lingus face?

Ultra Sound Guy

28,665 posts

196 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
quotequote all
captain_cynic said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Aernard?
Apparently General Electrics and Alitalia are also merging!

captain_cynic

12,303 posts

97 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
quotequote all
Ultra Sound Guy said:
captain_cynic said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Aernard?
Apparently General Electrics and Alitalia are also merging!
Unfortunately that was stopped due to trademark infringements on Italy's Power Gen.

Vipers

32,945 posts

230 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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GAjon said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Cunard mac lingus face?
Dont get Odd Job and Blowfelt mixed up biggrin

Cold

15,272 posts

92 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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I just opened the kitchen cupboard and loads of Omega 3 capsules fell on my head.
Thankfully I'm alright though. Only some superfishoil injuries.

LoonyTunes

3,362 posts

77 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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Vipers said:
GAjon said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Cunard mac lingus face?
Dont get Odd Job and Blowfelt mixed up biggrin
I did, it Felt odd.

Vipers

32,945 posts

230 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
quotequote all
LoonyTunes said:
Vipers said:
GAjon said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Apparently Air Lingus and Cunard are merging. Foolishly they are having a public competition to find a new company name!
Cunard mac lingus face?
Dont get Odd Job and Blowfelt mixed up biggrin
I did, it Felt odd.
We are all on the ball this afternoon. laugh

Vipers

32,945 posts

230 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
quotequote all
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

Tony 1234

3,465 posts

229 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
quotequote all
Vipers said:
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”
laugh

The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

79 months

Tuesday 2nd October 2018
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LoonyTunes said:
I did, it Felt odd.
Felt Balls are Odd ? time for a check-up

grumpy52

5,626 posts

168 months

Wednesday 3rd October 2018
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grumpy52

5,626 posts

168 months

Wednesday 3rd October 2018
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Will I get away with this ?
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