Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
phazed said:
funkyrobot said:
grumpy52 said:
Will I get away with this ?
I’m not much of a football fan, but as soon as I saw it, it provoked a broad smile.
A Missouri State Trooper pulled a car over on I-55 about 2 miles north of the Mo/Ar state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to the to show that night for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched this performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, 'cause there's no way I an pass that test."
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched this performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, 'cause there's no way I an pass that test."
On her wedding day, an 80 year old woman was being interviewed by the local paper.
“Have you been married before” he asked.
“Oh, yes dear, 3 times before”, she replied. “When I was 20, I married a banker. When I was 40, I married a circus ringmaster. When I was 60, I married a preacher and now I’m 80, I’m marrying a funeral director “
“Crikey!”, said the reporter, “that’s some variety you’ve had! We’re their occupations important to you?”
“Oh, very much dear. I had 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get me ready and 4 to go”
“Have you been married before” he asked.
“Oh, yes dear, 3 times before”, she replied. “When I was 20, I married a banker. When I was 40, I married a circus ringmaster. When I was 60, I married a preacher and now I’m 80, I’m marrying a funeral director “
“Crikey!”, said the reporter, “that’s some variety you’ve had! We’re their occupations important to you?”
“Oh, very much dear. I had 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get me ready and 4 to go”
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