Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Ayahuasca]

Do a lot of old people buy toilet paper to eat then?

[NoVetec]

Ayahuasca said:

Do a lot of old people buy toilet paper to eat then?

Makes a very lean lasagne.

[Evangelion]

(Reposted from the "Apprentice" thread)

When Alan Sugar was conceived, I wonder how many of the unsuccessful sperm said "Thank you for the opportunity"?



(And someone else posted underneath: Did his dad say, "You're all fired"?

[Trophy Husband]

Sean Connery: "I'm hungry, I need to get some food, where's the quiche?"
Mrs Connery: " In the fridge dear"
Sean Connery: " No, my car quiche, I fancy a curry."

[glenrobbo]

Trophy Husband said:

Sean Connery: "I'm hungry, I need to get some food, where's the quiche?"
Mrs Connery: " In the fridge dear"
Sean Connery: " No, my car quiche, I fancy a curry."

Fanshee.

Fanshee a curry.

[Monkeylegend]

A new drug has just been made available for lesbians who suffer from depression.

Trycoxagain is only available on prescription from your doctor.

[Vipers]

Monkeylegend said:

A new drug has just been made available for lesbians who suffer from depression.

Trycoxagain is only available on prescription from your doctor.

Medical term for those ladies "Strapadicktome"

[kowalski655]

Vipers said:

Monkeylegend said:

A new drug has just been made available for lesbians who suffer from depression.

Trycoxagain is only available on prescription from your doctor.

Medical term for those ladies "Strapadicktome"

I thought that was the proper name of a female to male sex change op

[paua]

kowalski655 said:

Vipers said:

Monkeylegend said:

A new drug has just been made available for lesbians who suffer from depression.

Trycoxagain is only available on prescription from your doctor.

Medical term for those ladies "Strapadicktome"

I thought that was the proper name of a female to male sex change op

The surgeon performing M to F transformations is Ivan Kutyakokoff

[Vipers]

Saw a fortune teller the other day.

She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I had sex with a girl named Penny.

Is that spooky or what?

[Sticks.]

I saw a clairvoyant once. She warned me I was going to be swindled out of some money.

Best £20 I ever spent.

[Tony 1234]

Vipers said:

Saw a fortune teller the other day.

She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I had sex with a girl named Penny.

Is that spooky or what?

[Monkeylegend]

I said to my other half the other day "You always get defensive when we have a disagreement "

"No I don't " she said.

[NoVetec]

Monkeylegend said:

I said to my other half the other day "You always get defensive when we have a disagreement "

"No I don't " she said.

Reminds me of:

Two blokes in a pub. One says to the other, "A lot of things in life are subjective, aren't they?"

"No they're not.", says the other bloke.

[Evangelion]

Vipers said:

... Last night I had sex with a girl named Penny ...

Was it a big bang?

[paua]

Evangelion said:

Vipers said:

... Last night I had sex with a girl named Penny ...

Was it a big bang?

Start of the universe?

[NoVetec]

Pooniverse.

[Frimley111R]

Monkeylegend said:

I said to my other half the other day "You always get defensive when we have a disagreement "

"No I don't " she said.

My other half says I turn everything she says to my own advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

[Trophy Husband]

Alternative definitions....

Crucifix


Christian glue

[Vipers]

YOU'RE FIRED.