Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Samcat]

Billy went for a job at the local council. During the interview the interviewer asked Billy, "Billy, how do you view lesbians in the workplace?", apparently "in full HD" was not the correct answer.

[YankeePorker]

[anonymous-user]

Samcat said:

Billy went for a job at the local council. During the interview the interviewer asked Billy, "Billy, how do you view lesbians in the workplace?", apparently "in full HD" was not the correct answer.

Reginald Perrin job interview. Do you drink Mr Perrin? 'Only to excess sir'
Gold

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7w5S3Saqog

[MartG]

[MartG]

[MartG]

I'm going to look at a house with 'period features' later.



She hates it when I call her that.

[anonymous-user]

Just passed an antique shop selling a period wardrobe

Somewhere go and hide once a month I supppose

[turbobloke]

A friend who went to a clothes shop to buy some camouflage trousers came away empty handed, he said he couldn't see any.

Apparently the last pair had been stolen, the shop placed a note in the window telling the thief they can hide but they can't run.

[Robster]

A man is visiting an antiques show and sees a used tampon on one of the tables,
"seller can you tell me which period this is from? "

[YankeePorker]

Maybe we need a meme thread for this kind of dreck?

[Tony 1234]

Evangelion said:

Have you seen the Jehovah's Witnesses Advent Calendar?

Every door you open, there's a bloke stood behind it going "fk OFF!!"

Very good

[mickk]

Well it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job.

I really do hope it's me this year.

[MartG]

[anonymous-user]

mickk said:

Well it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job.

I really do hope it's me this year.

[Mr Sunny Jim]

[ThunderSpook]

YankeePorker said:

Maybe we need a meme thread for this kind of dreck?

[Laurel Green]

ThunderSpook said:

Flaccid trunk!

[Vipers]

My missus crashed her car into some guy last night.

She told the police the guy had been on his mobile and drinking a beer from a can at the time.

The police said he was entitled to do what he wanted in his own conservatory.

[GloverMart]

"Why do your tits keep falling out?"

I said to Noel and Liam's mum.

[MartG]

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the spot only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water..?"

The soldier replied, "There is no water here, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead..? They are only £5."

The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel..! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water..! I should kill you, But I must find water first..!"

"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me.
I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need."

Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped ....

"They won't let me in without a frickin' tie..!"