Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[MartG]

[Vipers]

MartG said:

Sadly not, but when the captain said "Brace for impact, we are going to crash"

The woman next to me grabbed my hand and said "Before we die, make me a woman"

I turned to her and said "Quick, iron my shirt"

[ApOrbital]

Break down aa please.

[andym1603]

ApOrbital said:

Break down aa please.

Gill gone.

[Vipers]

[mickk]

The wife got out of the bath & said with a wink "I've just shaved my fanny you know what that means?"



Yes I replied the bloody plughole is blocked again.

[Tony 1234]

Vipers said:

True

[Vipers]

Do you remember when Ikea amalgamated with Sainsbury's, I bought a chicken for Christmas and a leg fell off.

No worries I said to the misses, "This year we will have an octopus".

She said "What's it taste like"

I said "Don't worry about the tastes, at least we all get a leg"






P.S. Yes I know they dont technically have legs, but you get the drift. Personally we are having Turkey this year

[boobles]

mickk said:

The wife got out of the bath & said with a wink "I've just shaved my fanny you know what that means?"



Yes I replied the bloody plughole is blocked again.

[Muntu]

Vipers said:

Personally we are having Turkey this year

We have Royalty amongst us

[YankeePorker]

[MartG]

Just heard there isn't going to be a 'Miranda' Christmas Special this year

She must have run out of joke

[MartG]

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

[threespires]

MartG said:

Just heard there isn't going to be a 'Miranda' Christmas Special this year

She must have run out of joke

Didn't know she had one..

[K12beano]

threespires said:

MartG said:

Just heard there isn't going to be a 'Miranda' Christmas Special this year

She must have run out of joke

Didn't know she had one..

The one where people were conned into putting her on the telly?

[MartG]

I was stopped in the street by a lady doing a survey.
She asked me how I rated myself in bed.
I said that I've never heard anyone moan.
So she put me down as 'poor'.

[glenrobbo]

Vipers said:

Personally we are having Turkey this year

I hope it's not going to be a repeat of Gallipoli

Or do you really mean turkey?

[Phooey]

[Muntu]

My auntie Marge has been in hospital for six months...
I can't believe she's not better!

[Vipers]