Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Jewish humour is absolutely brilliant. Very self depricating.
Another
Solly and Hymie wanted to buy two new suits to go to the shul, and they wanted them ,the blackest black they could have.
so they went to the local tailor Monty Pinctus and asked him what he could do. He promised them that the suits would be the blackest black, blacker than even a Nuns habit. so they went ahead.
On their way to shul they saw a Two nuns walking towards them and thought now it was theit opportunity to compare the cloth they had ust bought. so Solly chould muttered something to Hymie and alked on.
The two nuns were puzzled.
What happened there one? asked
I dont know, but i think they were religious men
How?
Well one touched my dressed and said to the other Pinctus Fuktus
Three Jewish violin makers were sited on the same road, and all made good violins.
One day one put up a sign saying
T Best violins in the Country
not to be outdone, the next day one of the others proclaimed
The Best Violins in the World
The next day the last one had a small notice in his window
The Best Violins on the street
Another
Solly and Hymie wanted to buy two new suits to go to the shul, and they wanted them ,the blackest black they could have.
so they went to the local tailor Monty Pinctus and asked him what he could do. He promised them that the suits would be the blackest black, blacker than even a Nuns habit. so they went ahead.
On their way to shul they saw a Two nuns walking towards them and thought now it was theit opportunity to compare the cloth they had ust bought. so Solly chould muttered something to Hymie and alked on.
The two nuns were puzzled.
What happened there one? asked
I dont know, but i think they were religious men
How?
Well one touched my dressed and said to the other Pinctus Fuktus
Three Jewish violin makers were sited on the same road, and all made good violins.
One day one put up a sign saying
T Best violins in the Country
not to be outdone, the next day one of the others proclaimed
The Best Violins in the World
The next day the last one had a small notice in his window
The Best Violins on the street
After his rather lavish bar mitzvah Jacobs father,who ran a very large company, took him to one side and told him ,that it was now time to learn the family business. Taking him to a rather large ladder against the side of the house,he said.
'Jacob' climb that to the roof'
Jacob looked up, it was a very tall ladder and said
'Dad, i cant, it looks unsteady'
dont worry son, i will be at the bottom holding it'
So with that in mind Jacob began the climb up, thinking, this is an allusion to me going through the company learning from the bottom. When suddenly as he neared the top, his father kicked at the ladder and Jacob fell to the ground.
Bruised and hurt he look at his father,
'Dad why did you do that, you said you would steady it'
'Son' was the reply, 'thats the first lesson in business'.
'Trust no one'
'Jacob' climb that to the roof'
Jacob looked up, it was a very tall ladder and said
'Dad, i cant, it looks unsteady'
dont worry son, i will be at the bottom holding it'
So with that in mind Jacob began the climb up, thinking, this is an allusion to me going through the company learning from the bottom. When suddenly as he neared the top, his father kicked at the ladder and Jacob fell to the ground.
Bruised and hurt he look at his father,
'Dad why did you do that, you said you would steady it'
'Son' was the reply, 'thats the first lesson in business'.
'Trust no one'
WARNING:
The Automobile Association have warned that anyone travelling in these current icy conditions should take along a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing including scarf hat and gloves, a 24 hour supply of food and water, de-icer, torch and battery jump leads.
It seems that the majority of people have decided to ignore this advice.
I was the only one on the bus yesterday carrying it all although I do admit to feeling a right prat.
The Automobile Association have warned that anyone travelling in these current icy conditions should take along a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing including scarf hat and gloves, a 24 hour supply of food and water, de-icer, torch and battery jump leads.
It seems that the majority of people have decided to ignore this advice.
I was the only one on the bus yesterday carrying it all although I do admit to feeling a right prat.
silverfoxcc said:
And whilst on a Jewish theme, There were two rabbis on a trip to China. as they entered a village, miles from the nearst large town, they thought they heard a cantor singing in perfect Hebrew. They looked at each other in amazement, and followed the sound, and on turning a corner found a synagogue with a service in progress. They entered and saw that it was full of Chinese people attending a bar mitzvah. At the end of the service they approached the rabbi and congratulated him on such a wonderful service. The cantor looked at them quizzically and asked.
'how do you know so much about the bar mitzvah?'
They replied 'We are Rabbis from London'
The cantor said
'You dont look Jewish'
either you will behaving a good chuckle or saying Eh?
Once I read it a second time and realised it was two rabbis, not two rabbits, I thought it would make more sense.'how do you know so much about the bar mitzvah?'
They replied 'We are Rabbis from London'
The cantor said
'You dont look Jewish'
either you will behaving a good chuckle or saying Eh?
It didn't...
For Ari - maybe needs refining a little!
A Jeweller is showing rings to 2 customers.
He says Here's a lovely 24 carat gold one.
The customers twitch their noses and one says, there's no way that's 24 carat, it's only 18.
The jeweller says How do you know so much about gold?'
They replied 'We are Rabbits from London'
A Jeweller is showing rings to 2 customers.
He says Here's a lovely 24 carat gold one.
The customers twitch their noses and one says, there's no way that's 24 carat, it's only 18.
The jeweller says How do you know so much about gold?'
They replied 'We are Rabbits from London'
YankeePorker said:
Well if we're reduced to this then I have no potato to lose.......
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
I'm surrounded by people thinking "why is that guy laughing and choking?". I know I shouldn't laugh...Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
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