How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
[quote=Wombat3]
If you mean me then yeah, I'm mostly all good
My relationship with my kids is great & I have a new partner. Lots of regrets about how I ended up here but little point in chewing that over any more. I think you have to be an extraordinarily hard b
d for it not to affect you though.....and not many of us are that.[/quote
Mate I’d be a total wreck for a v long time so good on you .
Being a Little nosey here but did she get nasty financially and has she now a new partner ?
If you mean me then yeah, I'm mostly all good
My relationship with my kids is great & I have a new partner. Lots of regrets about how I ended up here but little point in chewing that over any more. I think you have to be an extraordinarily hard bd for it not to affect you though.....and not many of us are that.[/quoteMate I’d be a total wreck for a v long time so good on you .
Being a Little nosey here but did she get nasty financially and has she now a new partner ?
Symptomless Coma said:
No, she’s moved out temporarily to get some rest and see if she misses me. She started a new job, and a younger guy there was paying her compliments so I think her ‘head was turned’ to coin a phrase. I could be completely wrong. I am over thinking things but I guess that’s the hazard of not sleeping much anymore.
My sister suffers with ME too and sometimes for days literally can’t get out of bed so things can’t help you’re situation I’m assumimg ? If she’s moved out has she taken the kids with her ?
If she’s unwilling to talk it’s going to make things hard to resolve so maybe speak on the QT to her parents or a close friend and see if they can get to the bottom of it with her .
As for the ‘younger colleague’ don’t dwell on that just yet . It’s likely to be more the case that she’s worn down with ME, kids and work and then some knob pays her one compliment and it brings everything into question for a mad moment .
Give her space but equally go out and get yourself some new clothes and go out yourself IE don’t be a doormat. Absence with the sudden realisation that you may be able to move on may get her thinking about what she’s got .
Good luck
Symptomless Coma said:
It’s fked up that’s for sure. I think she has made her mind up but is trying to justify it to herself. The way she is telling people “disagreement” is trying to defer blame from herself. I had a fun chat to my youngest’s teacher yesterday when I collected her, school now know as my youngest was saying why she was sad.
Mate I’m literally just discussing it with my wife she can’t believe it especially the timing .ked up that’s for sure. I think she has made her mind up but is trying to justify it to herself. The way she is telling people “disagreement” is trying to defer blame from herself. I had a fun chat to my youngest’s teacher yesterday when I collected her, school now know as my youngest was saying why she was sad.Edited by Symptomless Coma on Saturday 13th January 07:15
Sometimes it’s good to get a woman’s opinion on this kind of stuff as PH’s predominately men of course .
She said call her bluff , don’t agree to a month give her a short term ultimatum . Remember you have done nothing wrong ( obviously we are assuming there has been no previous issues).
No way can she bin the kids for a month going back and forth that’s terrible .
Wife thinks she is thinking of the guy at work and wants time to make a decision but if she’s given an ultimatum now then at least you know where you stand . It’s unfair to be left hanging it’s obvuously not good for your health and the kids .
I’d also not be shy in letting her dad know the full truth
Symptomless Coma said:
I’ve told him my concerns and asked if he could talk to her. I doubt she will tho.
If she makes a decision now it would be to split. If we did get back together the relationship will never be what I thought we had, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Girls are up now, time to pretend I’m a happy bunny and get busy.
All the best keep us posted I’m sure my wife will be happy to help / give advice etc If she makes a decision now it would be to split. If we did get back together the relationship will never be what I thought we had, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Girls are up now, time to pretend I’m a happy bunny and get busy.
stargazer30 said:
To the who’s wife just walked with ME. If you are primary carer for the kids and are living in the marital home you might have a chance. If you get the boot and she is the primary carer it’s going to end badly sorry to say.
If she has had her head turned I bet she will regret it and run back to you later once he gets bored of his girlfriend with ME and kids in tow. Just don’t take her back then or she’ll have a free pass to do it whenever.
Sounds like she has some confidence issues and being unwilling to work at them and your marriage means you need to protect you and your kids.
Sorry for the harsh post and but sincerely, good luck!
My wife said the same thing about he being full or regret at a later stage although I question how hard a mother could be to leave her kids over Xmas that being such a precious time for children . If she has had her head turned I bet she will regret it and run back to you later once he gets bored of his girlfriend with ME and kids in tow. Just don’t take her back then or she’ll have a free pass to do it whenever.
Sounds like she has some confidence issues and being unwilling to work at them and your marriage means you need to protect you and your kids.
Sorry for the harsh post and but sincerely, good luck!
Obviously keep all this stuff detailed as it may prove vital from a legal stand point at some stage .
Some of what she’s done beggars belief and sounds downright nasty .
Symptomless Coma said:
Not really but I have no choice, got to keep the kids happy/healthy
Any sign of her yet ? I’d question her mental state if she’s prepared to let them down too.
She’s not into drugs is she ?
Sorry if this sounds a complete assassination on your wife but what’s she’s done which includes the kids is beyond extreme .
Symptomless Coma said:
She turned up at 12:35, no she’s not into drugs and very rarely drinks. She asked when to return them, she’s aware that she needs to feed them. So we’ll see
I'm assuming she explained why she was 2hrs late ? The way she's behaving is like a male shirking his responsibilities, having a midlife crisis and having no idea how the kids life works .
Probably highlights how involved in the children's life you have always had to be .
Quite berwildering
funkyrobot said:
Thanks. Have my multiple bicycles lined up and ready to go. Just need to get out there. Was supposed to go out this morning but was too tired. Then my daughter is up and I want to spend time with her.
Need to get my ass into gear with the bicycles though as cycling really helps. I lost a load of weight last year through cycling.
Need to address the sleep issue. However, I find myself distracted and don't want to go to sleep as I know that as soon as I do, its another day and another day at work during the week.
We have had a date night tonight as our daughter is at her parent's. We went out to watch a film, she moaned the film was too long, now we are back home she's just gone to sleep. Moaned at me the other night when I got home from my friend's house and went off to my office room after she laid into me. Said I never want to spend time with her.
She apologised about the unnecessary attack on me on Thursday night. She also said she felt sad that I said I'd go out alone tonight. Errmm, she told me she didn't want to go out with me tonight, that's why I said fair enough don't bother then. Strange.
Worst thing is she is carrying on like nothing has happened.
I called a domestic abuse charity for men on Friday. They said I can either log the attacks with my gp. Otherwise I need to log it with the police. This will open a can of worms though and social services will be all over us. Scary thought.
All very confusing I should imagine never knowing quite where you stand or when its next going to lick off. Need to get my ass into gear with the bicycles though as cycling really helps. I lost a load of weight last year through cycling.
Need to address the sleep issue. However, I find myself distracted and don't want to go to sleep as I know that as soon as I do, its another day and another day at work during the week.
We have had a date night tonight as our daughter is at her parent's. We went out to watch a film, she moaned the film was too long, now we are back home she's just gone to sleep. Moaned at me the other night when I got home from my friend's house and went off to my office room after she laid into me. Said I never want to spend time with her.
She apologised about the unnecessary attack on me on Thursday night. She also said she felt sad that I said I'd go out alone tonight. Errmm, she told me she didn't want to go out with me tonight, that's why I said fair enough don't bother then. Strange.
Worst thing is she is carrying on like nothing has happened.
I called a domestic abuse charity for men on Friday. They said I can either log the attacks with my gp. Otherwise I need to log it with the police. This will open a can of worms though and social services will be all over us. Scary thought.
Personally I'd log the attacks with your GP so at least there is something .
Going to the police will hugely ignite things .
I don't know the background, have you been married long ? How old is your daughter? Have you tried or suggested relate for example ?
jamesv81 said:
Its horrible but I do think its a mental illness. I have researched it quite a bit and I suspect its a form of Aspergers.
My mrs will say truly horrible things some days. Over Christmas she said she would not tell anyone if I died and get my body cremated and not have a service. I just laughed it off and said the funeral will be cheap then, but in reality it was a really hurtful comment that my last day would be on my own but she says stuff like that all the time. She has no sympathy mechanism in her brain, very much just says things she considers normal but its really not ok to say. For example she might see an old person struggling up some stairs and she will just push past them when a normal person would either help or at least wait. People will look on in horror but she does not see them struggling. Similar situation in traffic jams she gets really anxious and starts thinking people are holding her up or going to try and push in. Its like being in a washing machine. If we have to go anywhere on the motorway I will always try and drive! I am not allowed to let anyone in though if I flash someone and let them out she goes mental.
Sounds very much like a mental illness and not one most would put up with in a marriage to be honest with you . My mrs will say truly horrible things some days. Over Christmas she said she would not tell anyone if I died and get my body cremated and not have a service. I just laughed it off and said the funeral will be cheap then, but in reality it was a really hurtful comment that my last day would be on my own but she says stuff like that all the time. She has no sympathy mechanism in her brain, very much just says things she considers normal but its really not ok to say. For example she might see an old person struggling up some stairs and she will just push past them when a normal person would either help or at least wait. People will look on in horror but she does not see them struggling. Similar situation in traffic jams she gets really anxious and starts thinking people are holding her up or going to try and push in. Its like being in a washing machine. If we have to go anywhere on the motorway I will always try and drive! I am not allowed to let anyone in though if I flash someone and let them out she goes mental.
Feel for you mate
Symptomless Coma said:
Yes... I’m planning on the worst outcome so seeing a solicitor tomorrow. Tho that’s been chosen off google so probably not the best. Still it’s a 20 min free session
No idea where you are based mate but i know of a particularly good divorce solicitor. By all means get the first 20 mins with those guys but if you go legal then choose carefully.
The guys i know are local to me (one i used for a tricky employment case with a favorable outcome for me and i know him personally anyway) and the other guy there is representing a friend currently .
They are also based out of London so not crazy rates.
Do let me know if you need me to make a recommendation for you
Nik da Greek said:
Thirty years.
Jesus. Thirty fking years. How do you put that into just one post? It's a lifetime
We met when we were teenagers. We read the same poems. We learned to knit together. She waited while I lived a life of wanton drug-crazed hedonism. I waited while she went to university and lived in a houseful of lesbians. Somehow at the end of it we still liked each other. We've been so many different people it's hard to remember who she was when we first met.
We've seen the sun come up together in forests and over mountains and in canyon city streets and misty harbours in far-away lands. We've lived in poverty and in ease. We like the same music. She also likes st music. I don't. When I broke more bones than Evel Knieval riding upside down motorbikes, though with markedly less panache, she didn't tut too much and waited in the hospital for me. We sat through her father dying of a brain tumour and mine dying of being taken by the Devil for crimes against humanity. We laugh at the cats. We laugh at the kids. We laugh at The Last Leg. Laugh at almost anything, truth be told. We didn't laugh about the dead children. We didn't laugh about MS and her nervous system disintegrating. But then, life's funny like that. We've both been so far down and broken we couldn't even see the sky. We've both been so far up we couldn't see the ground
And I'll be there. When I have to feed her soup and wipe her arse for her, I'll still be there. In the same way that she never stinted from picking me up out of the st or overlooking my idiocy and my faults. When my too-often broken legs and ligaments finally give up then I guess I'll have to crawl. She'll wait. She'll have to because she'll be in a wheelchair. Life will never beat us, but we'll never get out alive. I don't obviously annoy her any more now than when we first met.
Still fancy her, too. Because boobs
Wow great post....unless you copied and pasted it from somewhere :-) Jesus. Thirty f
king years. How do you put that into just one post? It's a lifetimeWe met when we were teenagers. We read the same poems. We learned to knit together. She waited while I lived a life of wanton drug-crazed hedonism. I waited while she went to university and lived in a houseful of lesbians. Somehow at the end of it we still liked each other. We've been so many different people it's hard to remember who she was when we first met.
We've seen the sun come up together in forests and over mountains and in canyon city streets and misty harbours in far-away lands. We've lived in poverty and in ease. We like the same music. She also likes s
t music. I don't. When I broke more bones than Evel Knieval riding upside down motorbikes, though with markedly less panache, she didn't tut too much and waited in the hospital for me. We sat through her father dying of a brain tumour and mine dying of being taken by the Devil for crimes against humanity. We laugh at the cats. We laugh at the kids. We laugh at The Last Leg. Laugh at almost anything, truth be told. We didn't laugh about the dead children. We didn't laugh about MS and her nervous system disintegrating. But then, life's funny like that. We've both been so far down and broken we couldn't even see the sky. We've both been so far up we couldn't see the groundAnd I'll be there. When I have to feed her soup and wipe her arse for her, I'll still be there. In the same way that she never stinted from picking me up out of the s
t or overlooking my idiocy and my faults. When my too-often broken legs and ligaments finally give up then I guess I'll have to crawl. She'll wait. She'll have to because she'll be in a wheelchair. Life will never beat us, but we'll never get out alive. I don't obviously annoy her any more now than when we first met.Still fancy her, too. Because boobs
Taaaaang said:
Ya think? I can't imagine what would possess anyone to write that drivel whilst so many others are discussing their lives being turned upside down and the problems they have.
I personally applaud the post.In my view it’s demonstrates how ‘solid’ a marriage can be in the face of adversity.
The point being that just one of those events can be enough to break a relationship and yet they have worked thorough every event and eventuality.
Symptomless Coma said:
She wants me out of the house. Her friends think she’s being a dick.
I broke down at work on Tuesday, that was fun. Been to docs for something to help me sleep.
Oh and her car broke down Wednesday was friendly that day so she borrowed mine for a couple of days, returned it yesterday and at least she spoke to the kids for a few mins. I’m trying to hold normality for the kids. Also the solicitor has said I have grounds for divorce but basically I’m fked.
She might turn up today to see the kids, but hasn’t actually said anything.
Ok doesn’t sound like there is any chance of a reconciliation then.I broke down at work on Tuesday, that was fun. Been to docs for something to help me sleep.
Oh and her car broke down Wednesday was friendly that day so she borrowed mine for a couple of days, returned it yesterday and at least she spoke to the kids for a few mins. I’m trying to hold normality for the kids. Also the solicitor has said I have grounds for divorce but basically I’m f
ked.She might turn up today to see the kids, but hasn’t actually said anything.
So is she suggesting you leave the house and she takes full responsibility of the kids again ?
Going to the docs is a smart move . It also (if there is a big court showdown ) shows how’s it’s affected you .
Sorry to hear this , I’d be reluctant to leave the house
Symptomless Coma said:
Thanks, I’m trying to be careful...
IF I accepted a payoff (bought out of house) could I get her to sign a document that prevents any future claim on my assets? Would it be enforceable/legal?
Has she said exactly why she wants you out of the house ?!IF I accepted a payoff (bought out of house) could I get her to sign a document that prevents any future claim on my assets? Would it be enforceable/legal?
IE what’s the reasons it’s finally over ? Any more mention of the other guy she’s getting attention from ?
Sorry for so many questions , I may have missed previous posts
Sa Calobra said:
I can't even imagine what space you are in right now. I do know from friends experiences it's bad then goes good. A good friend of mine, his wife had someone popping round whilst he was out. His father in law walked in one day then told him. He went through a dark space.
His partner now is stunning. Way better than the old wife. Not ten years younger, but a similar age to him, good looking, great figure etc.
Same with when I was facing redundancy after 11years with the same company, I was I shock, fear and thought this is it. It's all done. I'm over. Never work again, friends told me it gets better. I went to an amazing company then had a complete career change to a very demanding yet dream job.
If you'd have told my friend this and me before I'd have told you to fk off and take your sympathy away.
It won't mean much but I hope it shows a light at the end.
So what did you do and what do you do now ? His partner now is stunning. Way better than the old wife. Not ten years younger, but a similar age to him, good looking, great figure etc.
Same with when I was facing redundancy after 11years with the same company, I was I shock, fear and thought this is it. It's all done. I'm over. Never work again, friends told me it gets better. I went to an amazing company then had a complete career change to a very demanding yet dream job.
If you'd have told my friend this and me before I'd have told you to f
k off and take your sympathy away. It won't mean much but I hope it shows a light at the end.
Symptomless Coma said:
Nope, she just told me that she didn’t love me anymore and moved out to ‘get some space and rest’
I’d take the advice in here and refuse to move out . That way whatever’s in her mind and whatever is going on will soon become apparent.Once you move out you’ll never be going back and it’s part time dad scenario.
The only issue is if she moves back in and rows start then she calls the police etc but cross that bridge when you get to it .
In the meantime sit tight and try and be strong . I know that’s easier said than done though
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