The best insult you've ever heard
Discussion
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Cataldo said:
Charlie Brooker referring to Paul Hollywood as a 'Laser eyed barn owl' cracked me up the other night. Not a direct insult but funny none the less.
He described Mumford & Sons as "trust fund Wurzels". My faves, a girl I know, to a guy who came up to her in a club and said "I'd love to get into your knickers" to which she replied "I think one in there is enough".
When I used to play football, I came up from the back for a corner. One of their defenders shouted "someone mark the fat bloke who's come up from the back", to which one of my team mates replied "Oi, he may be fat...but he's slow!"
And a woman, describing having sex after with Sir Nicholas Soames, "it was like a very large double wardrobe falling in top of me.....with the key still in the lock."
I worked for a software company where the head of development was a complete nightmare. He irritated everybody. One days I returned to the office with a colleague who was slightly the worse for wear, and feeling particularly confrontational.
We went into a meeting with the head of development, and my colleague said in the middle of the meeting "when your wife conceived, she must have been on the top, because I am convinced you can only ever f£&k up"
We went into a meeting with the head of development, and my colleague said in the middle of the meeting "when your wife conceived, she must have been on the top, because I am convinced you can only ever f£&k up"
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