If PistonHeads was a hotel...
Discussion
The published hotel postcode wouldn't appear on sat-nav
There would be no space in the room to allow guests to get past the TV.
The TV remote would be powered by Lithium ion batteries
Every member of staff would be an Oxbridge graduate.
You'd need to spend two hours on Pillowheads asking for advice on pillows.
The room would be too hot and reception would "just" need to get the aircon regassed.
There would be an interesting chat with housekeeping enquiring what cleaning materials they favoured and what particular product they used for getting tough skid marks off the pan.
Food and wine would have to be sent back at least 3 times
There would be no coffee you liked
The room would only cost £10 a night but after 3 years you'd get a bill for £200.
When you checked out you'd have to hang around for half an hour whilst someone with a clipboard and digital camera would inspect your room.
You'd then be further delayed by a circular discussion on what constitutes fair wear and tear.
Someone would have bumped your car in the car park
There would be no space in the room to allow guests to get past the TV.
The TV remote would be powered by Lithium ion batteries
Every member of staff would be an Oxbridge graduate.
You'd need to spend two hours on Pillowheads asking for advice on pillows.
The room would be too hot and reception would "just" need to get the aircon regassed.
There would be an interesting chat with housekeeping enquiring what cleaning materials they favoured and what particular product they used for getting tough skid marks off the pan.
Food and wine would have to be sent back at least 3 times
There would be no coffee you liked
The room would only cost £10 a night but after 3 years you'd get a bill for £200.
When you checked out you'd have to hang around for half an hour whilst someone with a clipboard and digital camera would inspect your room.
You'd then be further delayed by a circular discussion on what constitutes fair wear and tear.
Someone would have bumped your car in the car park
Homes, Garden and DIY forum regulars will be allocated rooms with non-working showers - in order to fix it, they will be required to source a long discontinued part, at an exorbitant price.
These rooms will also come equipped with a switch that appears to do nothing, and a blown light bulb with a previously undocumented fitting. This fitting was only used for a short time, in Manila, in the 1970s.
These rooms will also come equipped with a switch that appears to do nothing, and a blown light bulb with a previously undocumented fitting. This fitting was only used for a short time, in Manila, in the 1970s.
There may also be a "Flat roof challenge" for residents of the above rooms, involving fitting a flat roof with free choice of materials - this will be tested at the end of the challenge by a Niagara Falls like deluge of water followed by a simulated "hot day in Dubai" heat test. Listeners will judge the roof on any cracking noises, should the participant choose to use fibreglass as the material for "their" roof.
Instead of a Bible there would be one of these in each room.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B002RI9PPY/ref=mp...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B002RI9PPY/ref=mp...
Everyone would pay with a AMEX gold card, but make sure you pay off the balance in full the next month, other wise that’s concidered the never never and that would mean a life time ban
The bar would have loads of cat 6 points and all the customers would be online checking their investments and paying down their mortgage and bullying the millennial Bar boy while talking about smashing the back doors in on the MILF head of housekeepers, despite being a fat discussing man that’s own wife won’t even touch him because he’s SO boring talking about his investments, the PCP model ruining the world and putting down anyone that rents a house despite having a substantial BTL portfolio that he’s just about to pull the trigger on more of.
Everything in the hotel would be second hand when the hotel bought it, because only morons buy brand new things
The bar would have loads of cat 6 points and all the customers would be online checking their investments and paying down their mortgage and bullying the millennial Bar boy while talking about smashing the back doors in on the MILF head of housekeepers, despite being a fat discussing man that’s own wife won’t even touch him because he’s SO boring talking about his investments, the PCP model ruining the world and putting down anyone that rents a house despite having a substantial BTL portfolio that he’s just about to pull the trigger on more of.
Everything in the hotel would be second hand when the hotel bought it, because only morons buy brand new things
Edited by Nickbrapp on Tuesday 24th October 09:41
I would set up a dispensery in the car park selling :
Spray on mud for the FFRR crowd.
Rare gasses for tyre filling (hydrogen for the lowest unsprung weight.
120 octane fuel.
And the full range of KaleCo Auto accessories.
http://kalecoauto.com/
Spray on mud for the FFRR crowd.
Rare gasses for tyre filling (hydrogen for the lowest unsprung weight.
120 octane fuel.
And the full range of KaleCo Auto accessories.
http://kalecoauto.com/
At what point will a member come along and proclaim to have found a long-lost room with no key to it somewhere in the building which they want to open up?
They will then spend several months telling people they are going to open the room and asking for advice, everyone will give advice, including "calling a professional locksmith" and "drilling a small hole and poking a camera in" - none of which will be done.
They will then check out without paying their bill, saying goodbye or ever opening the room, but every so often someone new will find the room and ask if the original guest ever got it opened, causing a flurry of people go get excited and then quickly angry at nothing actually having been done.
They will then spend several months telling people they are going to open the room and asking for advice, everyone will give advice, including "calling a professional locksmith" and "drilling a small hole and poking a camera in" - none of which will be done.
They will then check out without paying their bill, saying goodbye or ever opening the room, but every so often someone new will find the room and ask if the original guest ever got it opened, causing a flurry of people go get excited and then quickly angry at nothing actually having been done.
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