Discussion
Number 4 - Waters broken by midwife - pissed out of her like a punctured space hopper. Had meconium (s
t in the smniotic fluid) so taken upstairs to delivery suite. As midwife is pushing chair thru the door my missus says "the baby is coming". Midwife assumes catchers pose sans protective equipment whilst pulling emergency cord with her teeth. One minute later our daughter arrives. What a fking mess though!
t in the smniotic fluid) so taken upstairs to delivery suite. As midwife is pushing chair thru the door my missus says "the baby is coming". Midwife assumes catchers pose sans protective equipment whilst pulling emergency cord with her teeth. One minute later our daughter arrives. What a fking mess though!Edited by rocksteadyeddie on Wednesday 22 July 15:05
Edited by rocksteadyeddie on Thursday 23 July 14:27
Number 1 was 36 hours, sent home from hospital to turn round and go back as it kicked off again. After 2 nights of no sleep wifey was shattered and baby was stuck so emergency C-Section at 5 am, amazing how the labour ward goes from deserted to packed with Dr's/nurses and onlookers in minutes. ( very nearly fell asleep driving 100yrds from home )
Number 2 2hrs 30 start to finish, waters brokes as she went to get in the car ( phew) higth speed run to the hospital and baby arrived 20 mins after getting there ( No pain relief at all )
Number 3 2 hrs start to finish after they broke the waters at the hospital to induce ( 15days late). No pain relief ( Mad my wife! ) until the stitches after ( Terrible watching wifey go through that bit, they left it too long before doing it so the natual numbness had gone )
Number 4 ( last one ) due early September, catchers mitt at the ready!
Number 2 2hrs 30 start to finish, waters brokes as she went to get in the car ( phew) higth speed run to the hospital and baby arrived 20 mins after getting there ( No pain relief at all )
Number 3 2 hrs start to finish after they broke the waters at the hospital to induce ( 15days late). No pain relief ( Mad my wife! ) until the stitches after ( Terrible watching wifey go through that bit, they left it too long before doing it so the natual numbness had gone )
Number 4 ( last one ) due early September, catchers mitt at the ready!
Nolar Dog said:
Make sure you cut the umbilical cord. 
second that!Lucozade tablets, lots of water. Remember it is all about the mother, you are just a bystander in reality. If something isn't clear, ask, ask and ask again until it is clear and you both understand. If you don't like the mid-wife, don't mind asking for another.
Oh, be nice to the mid-wifes too!
Another one for "Don't let her hold your hand"! My fingers nearly got broken!
Also, be careful how you phrase the words of encouragement! I was told to encourage my ex to breath correctly and to push even when she was in too much pain. I was met with "If you think it's so fking easy YOU get down here and push!
And finally, don't go abroad to do any work for at least the last month of pregnancy, my ex had a scare when I was in Holland and had to rush back really fast (even got them to hold the ferry for me) only to find it was a minor 'bleed' scare. Baby was born 3 weeks later. My being abroad at this time was cited as one of the grounds for divorce!!!
Also, be careful how you phrase the words of encouragement! I was told to encourage my ex to breath correctly and to push even when she was in too much pain. I was met with "If you think it's so f
king easy YOU get down here and push!And finally, don't go abroad to do any work for at least the last month of pregnancy, my ex had a scare when I was in Holland and had to rush back really fast (even got them to hold the ferry for me) only to find it was a minor 'bleed' scare. Baby was born 3 weeks later. My being abroad at this time was cited as one of the grounds for divorce!!!
Silver940 said:
Nolar Dog said:
Make sure you cut the umbilical cord.
Number 3 was the only one I did that for.. quite cool actually!Incidentally, just had a phone call from my big sis in Oz. I'm going to be an aunty!!!
So excited!
Poledriver said:
Nolar Dog said:
Incidentally, just had a phone call from my big sis in Oz. I'm going to be an aunty!!!
So excited!
Congratulations "Aunty Vicky" So excited!
I know there are some that will dispute that but you can all swivel
I'm "Aunty Vicky" to loads of other peoples' kids but this is sis's first kid.
I'll be able to see him/her/them grow up which is what I missed with my own little girl.
"Granny" Dog is delighted at the thought
Food. Hitting the red button next to your wife’s bed and asking for a steak sandwich simply doesn’t work. The midwomen came running quickly enough, but consistently lost interest halfway through the order. -Bring a hamper and decant the claret into a Ribena bottle. Don’t be surprised if you are nagged into offering a bite of your excellent pork pie then see it wastefully regurgitated 10 seconds later. On no account ask, “was that strictly necessary?” You’ll get a facefull of tiresome expletives.
As others have said, expect the poo to fly like sporadic artillery. Or float past in the paddling pool. Do not assume within this atmosphere of dis-inhibition its OK for you to unload too. I got away with it –thank the “fog of war”, but you might not be so lucky. Same goes for shouting, unlike sex they apparently don’t want you to join in with the roaring crescendo.
A birth is not the time to argue back. Women aren’t designed for crisis and the dull ache accompanying child birth. The irrational accusations and name calling will probably be worse than usual. Don’t try to correct them, a single shake of the head is enough whilst you note down the offending remark with a pen and paper for future debate. Similarly, don’t expect any reliable response when you ask for help with your crossword.
All right?
As others have said, expect the poo to fly like sporadic artillery. Or float past in the paddling pool. Do not assume within this atmosphere of dis-inhibition its OK for you to unload too. I got away with it –thank the “fog of war”, but you might not be so lucky. Same goes for shouting, unlike sex they apparently don’t want you to join in with the roaring crescendo.
A birth is not the time to argue back. Women aren’t designed for crisis and the dull ache accompanying child birth. The irrational accusations and name calling will probably be worse than usual. Don’t try to correct them, a single shake of the head is enough whilst you note down the offending remark with a pen and paper for future debate. Similarly, don’t expect any reliable response when you ask for help with your crossword.
All right?
captainzep said:
Food. Hitting the red button next to your wife’s bed and asking for a steak sandwich simply doesn’t work. The midwomen came running quickly enough, but consistently lost interest halfway through the order. -Bring a hamper and decant the claret into a Ribena bottle. Don’t be surprised if you are nagged into offering a bite of your excellent pork pie then see it wastefully regurgitated 10 seconds later. On no account ask, “was that strictly necessary?” You’ll get a facefull of tiresome expletives.
As others have said, expect the poo to fly like sporadic artillery. Or float past in the paddling pool. Do not assume within this atmosphere of dis-inhibition its OK for you to unload too. I got away with it –thank the “fog of war”, but you might not be so lucky. Same goes for shouting, unlike sex they apparently don’t want you to join in with the roaring crescendo.
A birth is not the time to argue back. Women aren’t designed for crisis and the dull ache accompanying child birth. The irrational accusations and name calling will probably be worse than usual. Don’t try to correct them, a single shake of the head is enough whilst you note down the offending remark with a pen and paper for future debate. Similarly, don’t expect any reliable response when you ask for help with your crossword.
All right?
As others have said, expect the poo to fly like sporadic artillery. Or float past in the paddling pool. Do not assume within this atmosphere of dis-inhibition its OK for you to unload too. I got away with it –thank the “fog of war”, but you might not be so lucky. Same goes for shouting, unlike sex they apparently don’t want you to join in with the roaring crescendo.
A birth is not the time to argue back. Women aren’t designed for crisis and the dull ache accompanying child birth. The irrational accusations and name calling will probably be worse than usual. Don’t try to correct them, a single shake of the head is enough whilst you note down the offending remark with a pen and paper for future debate. Similarly, don’t expect any reliable response when you ask for help with your crossword.
All right?
superb. All noted.captainzep said:
Food. Hitting the red button next to your wife’s bed and asking for a steak sandwich simply doesn’t work. The midwomen came running quickly enough, but consistently lost interest halfway through the order. -Bring a hamper and decant the claret into a Ribena bottle. Don’t be surprised if you are nagged into offering a bite of your excellent pork pie then see it wastefully regurgitated 10 seconds later. On no account ask, “was that strictly necessary?” You’ll get a facefull of tiresome expletives.
As others have said, expect the poo to fly like sporadic artillery. Or float past in the paddling pool. Do not assume within this atmosphere of dis-inhibition its OK for you to unload too. I got away with it –thank the “fog of war”, but you might not be so lucky. Same goes for shouting, unlike sex they apparently don’t want you to join in with the roaring crescendo.
A birth is not the time to argue back. Women aren’t designed for crisis and the dull ache accompanying child birth. The irrational accusations and name calling will probably be worse than usual. Don’t try to correct them, a single shake of the head is enough whilst you note down the offending remark with a pen and paper for future debate. Similarly, don’t expect any reliable response when you ask for help with your crossword.
All right?
As others have said, expect the poo to fly like sporadic artillery. Or float past in the paddling pool. Do not assume within this atmosphere of dis-inhibition its OK for you to unload too. I got away with it –thank the “fog of war”, but you might not be so lucky. Same goes for shouting, unlike sex they apparently don’t want you to join in with the roaring crescendo.
A birth is not the time to argue back. Women aren’t designed for crisis and the dull ache accompanying child birth. The irrational accusations and name calling will probably be worse than usual. Don’t try to correct them, a single shake of the head is enough whilst you note down the offending remark with a pen and paper for future debate. Similarly, don’t expect any reliable response when you ask for help with your crossword.
All right?
Classic.
BERGS2 said:
How long does the screaming bit last for?
i know its a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string' question - but thats the bit that is making me most nervy....
Relax BERGS. The ear protects itself to an extent with loud noises and you'd need to encounter constant loud noise way beyond the duration of a birth for proper audiological damage. Regular, loud i-pod use is actually more damaging.i know its a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string' question - but thats the bit that is making me most nervy....
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