Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

TOPIC CLOSED
TOPIC CLOSED
Author
Discussion

Evangelion

7,793 posts

180 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
Lord of the Ringos - an aristocrat is unable to decide whether to take drumming lessons or sit at home eating potato-based snacks.

ApOrbital

10,023 posts

120 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
Can we have some jokes?

K12beano

20,854 posts

277 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
Let me just be helping you here......
ApOrbital said:
Can we have some jokings?

PoleDriver

28,689 posts

196 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
I was just scanning some dvds a came across a Sylvester Stallone one... F.I.S.T. Fortunately good sense prevailed (for once) before I tried extending the title! smile

ApOrbital

10,023 posts

120 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
K12beano said:
Let me just be helping you here......
ApOrbital said:
Can we have some jokings?
Are you bloody yoda?

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

257 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
ApOrbital said:
Can we have some jokes?
Nah, must be thick, I just don't get that one....

PoleDriver

28,689 posts

196 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
First Lady:Whats that?
Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.
First Lady: Where did you get it?
Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

PoleDriver

28,689 posts

196 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
I've been trying to give up innuendos without success, it's just to damned hard!

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

257 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
PoleDriver said:
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
First Lady:Whats that?
Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.
First Lady: Where did you get it?
Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
hehe

Reminds me of a true story. WW2 Polish(?) pilots training in Canada on Brewster Buffaloes had to wrap cloth round the carbs and set fire to them to get some heat in before the engines would start.

They tried lots of stuff and found that sanitary towels were best for the job.

Bloke was sent to a big store to acquire their whole stock of STs.

A surprised shop worker asked why the bloke wanted all those sanitary towels...

Oh, we need them for the buffaloes said he...

Seems her face was a picture...hehe

LordGrover

33,562 posts

214 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
mybrainhurts said:
Nah, must be thick, I just don't get that one....
That's just a coincidence.

PoleDriver

28,689 posts

196 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
My uncle choked to death on a piece of cheese. Now I can't have my picture taken without bursting into tears...

callmedave

2,686 posts

147 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
PoleDriver said:
My uncle choked to death on a piece of cheese. Now I can't have my picture taken without bursting into tears...
Wooosh, Anyone else?

havoc

30,311 posts

237 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?

mickk

29,034 posts

244 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
havoc said:
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?
3 points?

Doofus

26,395 posts

175 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
havoc said:
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?
prunes

PoleDriver

28,689 posts

196 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all

Laurel Green

30,800 posts

234 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
^^^ All of the above! ^^^ hehe

K12beano

20,854 posts

277 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
mickk said:
havoc said:
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?
3 points?
"I want my lawyer!"

mickk

29,034 posts

244 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
I said to my mate "My wife keeps pestering me to dress up as an Alice in Wonderland character!"

He replied "Are you mad at her?"



I thought don't you start!

schmunk

4,399 posts

127 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
quotequote all
mickk said:
I said to my mate "My wife keeps pestering me to dress up as an Alice in Wonderland character!"

He replied "Are you mad at her?"



I thought don't you start!
You as well? She was pestering PoleDriver last week...
TOPIC CLOSED
TOPIC CLOSED