Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Vipers]

You think swimming with the Dolphins is expensive, try swimming with a shark.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

[rayny]

Vipers said:

You think swimming with the Dolphins is expensive, try swimming with a shark.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

You were overcharged - It only cost Nelson an arm !

[Vipers]

rayny said:

Vipers said:

You think swimming with the Dolphins is expensive, try swimming with a shark.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

You were overcharged - It only cost Nelson an arm !

Eye see

[Trophy Husband]

A two seater helicopter went down in a Dublin graveyard yesterday.

So far emergency services have recovered 146 bodies.

[The Dangerous Elk]

Trophy Husband said:

A two seater helicopter went down in a London graveyard yesterday.

So far Lilly Allen has claimed 648 people killed.

[phazed]

The Dangerous Elk said:

Stuff about Lilly

I really don't understand that.

[captain_cynic]

phazed said:

The Dangerous Elk said:

Stuff about Lilly

I really don't understand that.

Don't worry, you didn't miss anything funny.

[SpeckledJim]

phazed said:

The Dangerous Elk said:

Stuff about Lilly

I really don't understand that.

Nor did Lily, but she doesn't let that sort of thing slow her down.

[phazed]

Hmm, Lilly, singer, potty mouthed, still not there....

[GloverMart]

phazed said:

Hmm, Lilly, singer, potty mouthed, still not there....

Think it's something to do with the fact that in the aftermath of Grenfell, she inflated the number of fatalities from the fire.

[Halmyre]

phazed said:

Hmm, Lilly, singer, potty mouthed, still not there....

The 'joke' is that Lily Allen supposedly over-estimates casualties at a disaster. I can't stand Lily Allen either but my sides remain unsplit.

[Vipers]

Halmyre said:

phazed said:

Hmm, Lilly, singer, potty mouthed, still not there....

The 'joke' is that Lily Allen supposedly over-estimates casualties at a disaster. I can't stand Lily Allen either but my sides remain unsplit.

Overestimates casualties, and underestimates underwear

[phazed]

Halmyre said:

The 'joke' is that Lily Allen supposedly over-estimates casualties at a disaster. I can't stand Lily Allen either but my sides remain unsplit.

Got it! I like Lilly Allen, must be my age!

[Vipers]

"Hey Mike whats wrong"

"Just had a big fight with the wife. That bloody woman fights for no fking reason at all"

"What happened then"

"We were both getting excited, and about to have sex, she removed her jeans and then her top, then I said why are you wearing your sister's bra, bh blew a fuse"

[Monkeylegend]

Vipers said:

"Hey Mike whats wrong"

"Just had a big fight with the wife. That bloody woman fights for no fking reason at all"

"What happened then"

"We were both getting excited, and about to have sex, she removed her jeans and then her top, then I said why are you wearing your sister's bra, bh blew a fuse"

And that really was when the fight started.

[rayny]

Vipers said:

"Hey Mike whats wrong"

"Just had a big fight with the wife. That bloody woman fights for no fking reason at all"

"What happened then"

"We were both getting excited, and about to have sex, she removed her jeans and then her top, then I said why are you wearing your sister's bra, bh blew a fuse"

Mike seems to be like many other men - Guaranteed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time

[mickk]

I saw my dwarf neighbour at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.

"fk off" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little st" I thought as I zipped my rucksack back up and continued on my way.

[iwantagta]

Archeologists have found a new tomb in Egypt.
Upon opening the sarcophagus they found traces of nuts and chocolate on the mummy.
They think they may have found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.

[Vipers]

The difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman.

One is a super hero, the other is a simple instruction.

[Turn7]

Vipers said:

The difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman.

One is a super hero, the other is a simple instruction.

Nicked that !