The best insult you've ever heard

The best insult you've ever heard

Author
Discussion

grumpy52

5,632 posts

168 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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This employee should be barred from breeding .
He comes from a gene pool as deep as the puddle in the car park.

8bit

4,894 posts

157 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Tyre Tread said:
Asshole says: "There's no I in Team"
Retort: "True, but there's a u in fk off!"
Even better:

"There's no I in team"
"No but there's a U in c**t."

SpamCan

5,026 posts

220 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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"You can fking shut up or I'll stop getting clients for your sister"

Chubby Brown.

Kitchski

6,516 posts

233 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Can't think of much decent that comes out of my mouth. Only time I can remember making people laugh was at my wedding.

I was stting my pants, swigging spirits from the boot of my car. Got into the room, registrar asks everyone to sit down, starts talking to me and says "Repeat after me".

I said "After me." She was the only who didn't laugh frown

SteellFJ

793 posts

169 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Not sure if this has been given already: " A Fanny like a punched Lasagna"

Ruskie

4,000 posts

202 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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"She's got teeth like a witch doctors necklace"

"A face that looks like it's been set on fire and stamped out"

"Teeth like bins, one every yard"

dojo

741 posts

137 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Prob somewhere in here already - but a great one from Mr Tucker

"so dense light bends round him"

Kitchski

6,516 posts

233 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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'She's got a face like a bucket of smashed crabs'

I've used that one before!

Legend83

10,020 posts

224 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Have we had all the classics?

- She's had more cocks than Dick Turpin's pistol
- She's got a face like burnt lego
- I've seen more muscle on a seagull's beak
- Face like a painter's radio
- She's been rodgered more than a police radio

etc
etc

Evangelion

7,790 posts

180 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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- Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

- Then landed on a rock.

- Then got run over by a truck.

- Twice.

stuartmmcfc

8,672 posts

194 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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"That was hardly worth getting sticky for"

Said to a "friend" several years ago and not said by her sister a few weeks later, apparently.

alorotom

11,981 posts

189 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Probably said but...

Body like baywatch, face like crimewatch

steveatesh

4,914 posts

166 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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When I was a BiB years ago a policewoman was charging a suspect, she read the caution out and then the charge, the custody sgt then asked him "anything to say?"

He looked at the policewoman and said "aye, last time I saw a face like that it was in a poachers pocket!"

We really struggled not to laugh .........

rayny

1,222 posts

203 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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As the old saying goes - Ignorance is bliss, and you're the happiest person I know.

PurpleAki

1,601 posts

89 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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I've not read the thread but I'd be surprised if anything posted so far comes close to the utterances of the magnificent Malcolm Tucker.

RammyMP

6,817 posts

155 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Ruskie said:
"She's got teeth like a witch doctors necklace"
Teeth like a burnt down fence

Frrair

1,379 posts

136 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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A very up tight German lorrydriver turned up on site and fed up with waiting to be offloaded strode in the office demanding to see me, he said something like 'in Germany they would have unloaded 20 tonne in ten minutes and I have been vaiting for an hour already'.

My foreman who was sitting in with me said 'my grandfather was in the RAF and he unloaded 2 tonne over you f@*ckers in Dresden in 20 seconds'.

A long silence ensued and he turned on his heals and went to sit in his cab.

He eventually left and after about six hours onsite.......

Not very politically correct but I thought it very funny none the less.

anonymous-user

56 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Frrair said:
A very up tight German lorrydriver turned up on site and fed up with waiting to be offloaded strode in the office demanding to see me, he said something like 'in Germany they would have unloaded 20 tonne in ten minutes and I have been vaiting for an hour already'.

My foreman who was sitting in with me said 'my grandfather was in the RAF and he unloaded 2 tonne over you f@*ckers in Dresden in 20 seconds'.

A long silence ensued and he turned on his heals and went to sit in his cab.

He eventually left and after about six hours onsite.......

Not very politically correct but I thought it very funny none the less.
How is six hours to unload acceptable though?

Frrair

1,379 posts

136 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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Sorry, perhaps I wasn't clear.

If he hadn't arrived with such a superior attitude telling those that were or weren't going to unload him how they do it much better in Germany then he would have been away about 4.5 hours earlier.



mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

257 months

Wednesday 15th March 2017
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A polish tramp once called me a Poka Poka bd because I had a bit of a sun tan.

Seems I was coming over here, stealing all his jobs...

Does that count?