Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
Two tourists are visiting The Vatican and the Pope appears at a window, spreading his arms and addressing the crowd. "Can you hear what he's saying?" says one. "Not a thing", replies his companion, "tomorrow we'll come earlier and get nearer the front". So next day they're in the middle of the crowd and it's the same thing - "Hear anything?" "No, let's be really early tomorrow". So next day they're right up the front and the Pope appears and spreads his arms and says to the crowd, "get off my f
king lawn".
I like it, just waiting for someone to say he hasn't got a lawn.king lawn".
king piazza. My Italian's a bit ropey.Halmyre said:
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
Two tourists are visiting The Vatican and the Pope appears at a window, spreading his arms and addressing the crowd. "Can you hear what he's saying?" says one. "Not a thing", replies his companion, "tomorrow we'll come earlier and get nearer the front". So next day they're in the middle of the crowd and it's the same thing - "Hear anything?" "No, let's be really early tomorrow". So next day they're right up the front and the Pope appears and spreads his arms and says to the crowd, "get off my fking lawn".
I like it, just waiting for someone to say he hasn't got a lawn.king lawn".king piazza. My Italian's a bit ropey.
<Arthur> We drive the Land Rover into the square.
<Charlie> Piazza, Arthur, piazza.
<Arthur> Sorry, Charlie. Piazza.- The Land Rover is in the piazza.
sorry, just reminded me.....
Halmyre said:
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
Two tourists are visiting The Vatican and the Pope appears at a window, spreading his arms and addressing the crowd. "Can you hear what he's saying?" says one. "Not a thing", replies his companion, "tomorrow we'll come earlier and get nearer the front". So next day they're in the middle of the crowd and it's the same thing - "Hear anything?" "No, let's be really early tomorrow". So next day they're right up the front and the Pope appears and spreads his arms and says to the crowd, "get off my fking lawn".
I like it, just waiting for someone to say he hasn't got a lawn.king lawn".king piazza. My Italian's a bit ropey.
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
Two tourists are visiting The Vatican and the Pope appears at a window, spreading his arms and addressing the crowd. "Can you hear what he's saying?" says one. "Not a thing", replies his companion, "tomorrow we'll come earlier and get nearer the front". So next day they're in the middle of the crowd and it's the same thing - "Hear anything?" "No, let's be really early tomorrow". So next day they're right up the front and the Pope appears and spreads his arms and says to the crowd, "get off my fking lawn".
I like it, just waiting for someone to say he hasn't got a lawn.king lawn".king piazza. My Italian's a bit ropey.
XJSJohn said:
Halmyre said:
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
Two tourists are visiting The Vatican and the Pope appears at a window, spreading his arms and addressing the crowd. "Can you hear what he's saying?" says one. "Not a thing", replies his companion, "tomorrow we'll come earlier and get nearer the front". So next day they're in the middle of the crowd and it's the same thing - "Hear anything?" "No, let's be really early tomorrow". So next day they're right up the front and the Pope appears and spreads his arms and says to the crowd, "get off my fking lawn".
I like it, just waiting for someone to say he hasn't got a lawn.king lawn".king piazza. My Italian's a bit ropey.<Arthur> We drive the Land Rover into the square.
<Charlie> Piazza, Arthur, piazza.
<Arthur> Sorry, Charlie. Piazza.- The Land Rover is in the piazza.
sorry, just reminded me.....
Halmyre said:
Two tourists are visiting The Vatican and the Pope appears at a window, spreading his arms and addressing the crowd. "Can you hear what he's saying?" says one. "Not a thing", replies his companion, "tomorrow we'll come earlier and get nearer the front". So next day they're in the middle of the crowd and it's the same thing - "Hear anything?" "No, let's be really early tomorrow". So next day they're right up the front and the Pope appears and spreads his arms and says to the crowd, "get off my fking lawn".
Sounds a bit like Paddy and Mick, who forgot where their campsite was and ended up pitching their tent in the Vatican's back garden. Next morning Paddy shakes Mick awake and says, "Mick, Mick, you'll never guess where we are! Only in the pope's garden, and what's more the man's on his balcony giving us a personal blessing in the sign of the cross!"king lawn".Mick rubs his eyes and stares across at the pope, who, sure enough is making the sign of the cross. Mick grabs his binoculars. "Paddy, he's saying something too! It is....hold on....'You....and you.......get your things...and f
k off'"(Works better if you make the sign of the cross at the you and you bit)
Cursed with a bald head and a wooden leg, a man is surprised to learn that he’s been invited to a fancy dress party. Deciding that he might pull it off if he wears a costume to hide his head and leg, he writes to a theatrical outfitters asking them for advice.
A few days later, he receives a parcel from the company with a note that says, ‘Dear sir. Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a buccaneer.’
Unfortunately, the man finds this deeply insulting, as they have so clearly emphasized his wooden leg, so he fires off a letter of complaint.
A week passes before the postman delivers another parcel with a note that reads, ‘Dear sir, sorry about our previous suggestion – please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.’
This infuriates the man again, because they have simply switched from emphasizing his wooden leg to his balding head, so he writes the company another letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a tiny parcel and a hastily scrawled note, which reads: ‘Dear sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour it over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple, you grumpy bd.’
A few days later, he receives a parcel from the company with a note that says, ‘Dear sir. Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a buccaneer.’
Unfortunately, the man finds this deeply insulting, as they have so clearly emphasized his wooden leg, so he fires off a letter of complaint.
A week passes before the postman delivers another parcel with a note that reads, ‘Dear sir, sorry about our previous suggestion – please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.’
This infuriates the man again, because they have simply switched from emphasizing his wooden leg to his balding head, so he writes the company another letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a tiny parcel and a hastily scrawled note, which reads: ‘Dear sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour it over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple, you grumpy b
d.’Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff