Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[Jonboy_t]

As I lay there, bruised and broken, with the burning and twisted wreckage of my car surrounding me, the officer strolled up to me and, with a sarcastic tone, said 'been drinking, have we sir?' 'Yes', I winced through the pain.

'Well', he said, 'next time, take a taxi instead of letting your wife drive'.

[Adenauer]

Jonboy_t said:

As I lay there, bruised and broken, with the burning and twisted wreckage of my car surrounding me, the officer strolled up to me and, with a sarcastic tone, said 'been drinking, have we sir?' 'Yes', I winced through the pain.

'Well', he said, 'next time, take a taxi instead of letting your wife drive'.

Ooooooh, good luck with that one

[LordHaveMurci]

Jonboy_t said:

As I lay there, bruised and broken, with the burning and twisted wreckage of my car surrounding me, the officer strolled up to me and, with a sarcastic tone, said 'been drinking, have we sir?' 'Yes', I winced through the pain.

'Well', he said, 'next time, take a taxi instead of letting your wife drive'.

Compared to the last page or two, this is bloody hilarious

[B17NNS]

Jonboy_t said:

As I lay there, bruised and broken, with the burning and twisted wreckage of my car surrounding me, the officer strolled up to me and, with a sarcastic tone, said 'been drinking, have we sir?' 'Yes', I winced through the pain.

'Well', he said, 'next time, take a taxi instead of letting your wife drive'.

I like that.

[EarlOfHazard]

I was arrested in China. The policeman read me my rights – it didn’t take him very long.

[Hooli]

B17NNS said:

Jonboy_t said:

As I lay there, bruised and broken, with the burning and twisted wreckage of my car surrounding me, the officer strolled up to me and, with a sarcastic tone, said 'been drinking, have we sir?' 'Yes', I winced through the pain.

'Well', he said, 'next time, take a taxi instead of letting your wife drive'.

I like that.

Me too

[vx220]

Eminem is 42 today...

...can't believe his voice hasn't broken yet

[Vipers]

Guy takes his Citroen 2 CV in for a service.

The garage phones and says "We are very sorry sir but we have a problem with the fan belt"

"Whats the problem?"

"It needs a new engine"

[StevieBee]

The Zimbabwe Cricket Board have just announced that they have discovered Ebola in their cricket team.
But this has not caused any concern since they have also found Ebatsman and Efielda.

[McAndy]

They'd better undertake an appropriate test.

[YankeePorker]

The lawyer says: “I have some good news and some bad news”

The CEO replies: “I have had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.”

The lawyer says: “Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are now worth a minimum of $2 million”

The CEO replies enthusiastically: “Well done, very good news indeed !
You’ve made my day; now what is the bad news?”

The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you in bed with your secretary”

[Vaud]

Genius.

[McAndy]

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

[marshalla]

McAndy said:

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

How many test tickles were needed to discover that ?

[davhill]

havoc said:

Prefer Latvian...at least Latvian joke includes potato. Not seen potato for weeks, not since soldiers come and take potato.

Is very sad. And cold.

Latest! Full story on You Tuber

[McAndy]

marshalla said:

How many test tickles were needed to discover that ?

[6th Gear]

I bought some shoes off a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

[Evangelion]

I've just landed a job in a treacle factory.

But they won't let me start until I go out and buy a high viscosity jacket.

[DickyC]

Some canoeists lit a fire and sank proving you can't have your kayak and heat it.

[iva cosworth]

Heard it.....quite recently.