Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
mjb1 said:
Women have it pretty sorted with being photogenic - they can do their hair, make up differently, even different clothes and shoes can make them look totally different (not necessarily better or worse, just different in every photo). Are blokes expected to use the filters etc to improve their photos? Mine are very much what you see is what you get, I'm certainly not going to disappoint anyone upon meeting!
It's easier for women for sure, but there's plenty that a bloke can do to sell himself. Get a decent haircut - something that suits your face. Any salon or even a proper barber will be able to fix you up. Experiment with facial hair - beard or stubble etc. Clothes - You don't want to look like you're trying too hard but get some slimmer cut jeans/shirts/polos etc and some decent shoes. Different cuts of clothes can make a huge difference to your overall appearance. Doesn't have to cost a lot but the fit is crucial. Apologies if you've tried all this but you sound as if your confidence is shot and you need to sell yourself a bit harder to get the matches. As the saying goes, you're only as good as your worst picture!Edited by Toyoda on Friday 26th October 11:53
haha Im happily in a relationship with kids, but I do miss the excitement and madness of online dating, that exciting moment when you see them and realise "blimey they are a bit different to the pics" or when they say something that is a bit odd or deranged. Or when you end it and you get the tinge of excitement every day you open the front door to whether the car is still in one piece. Instead my days are spent answering texts of "what do you want for dinner" or " child 2 is ill and needs the drs"
Toyoda said:
It's easier for women for sure, but there's plenty that a bloke can do to sell himself. Get a decent haircut - something that suits your face. Any salon or even a proper barber will be able to fix you up. Experiment with facial hair - beard or stubble etc. Clothes - You don't want to look like you're trying too hard but get some slimmer cut jeans/shirts/polos etc and some decent shoes. Different cuts of clothes can make a huge difference to your overall appearance. Doesn't have to cost a lot but the fit is crucial. Apologies if you've tried all this but you sound as if your confidence is shot and you need to sell yourself a bit harder to get the matches. As the saying goes, you're only as good as your worst picture!
Yeah, you're right, my confidence is pretty shot. Not sure I ever really had any, which probably explains my terrible relationship history, and why I've been single so long. I had come to terms with that and was handling it pretty well, right up until I met this last woman. She's not perfect by any means, but I've never got on so well with anyone ever before. For once all the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together, including a physical attraction. She opened my eyes and gave me hope of something that I'd never even imagined possible, and then she backed out without a rational explanation. I was starting to get some confidence and now I feel set back to worse than I was before!Edited by Toyoda on Friday 26th October 11:53
Female friends keep telling to just be myself, and that the perfect woman will just come along when I least expect it etc. And that's the laid back approach I've always taken, which I suspect works ok for women themselves, but just gets me friend zoned. Now I'm about to hit 40 and I've never had a meaningful relationship with anyone that I actually fancied, so clearly I'm going to have to get a bit more proactive! I've only ever looked at potential relationships from the view of what I can offer them, not what I want or need (only because I've no idea what I actually do want from someone, just too independent I suppose).
I'm sure my wardrobe could be improved, another aspect of my life that I'm pretty laid back about, so don't tend to dress sharply. And If I do try, I just feel even more self conscious, that I'm trying to hard and making myself look daft. I have lost a lot of weight recently (from 36-38" waist down to 30-32"). So my old clothes have ended up pretty baggy, hanging off me, and I'm replacing them with slimmer sizes. I'm a bit happier with how I look now - no longer fat and ugly, just ugly!
Oh , and still getting spurious notifications from Tinder saying people have swiped right on me, quite an achievement since my profile is supposedly deactivated!
mjb1 said:
Female friends keep telling to just be myself, and that the perfect woman will just come along when I least expect it etc. And that's the laid back approach I've always taken, which I suspect works ok for women themselves, but just gets me friend zoned.
This is quite frankly a load of b
ks. "Be yourself" FFS, that's the sort of advice you give to a schoolboy. You want to avoid getting relationship advice off nicey nicey female friends. Read Echo66's recent posts on how best to get the most out of the dating world. It sure as hell isn't a case of being nice and expecting the women to just come along. The books The Game and The Rules of The Game came out over 10 years ago, all about the world of pick up artists and despite being quite cringey and for an American audience, do contain some key nuggets of information in attracting women then building rapport. Avoiding the friend zone, basically. They're well worth a read if you have the time. Not the be all and end all by any means but it's knowledge worth having. Of course, since then Tinder et al have exploded, so the whole chatting up birds in bars and getting a phone number has all but been replaced by a brutal swipe right, but even after getting a match there's a long way to go before you actually hook up.Well done on the weight loss. Get those skinny jeans bought, a few new snaps up on a new profile and you'll be fighting them off!
IrateNinja said:
First girl I met up with on Tinder Myspace angled me. I was reasonably recently out of a long term relationship, so my already low expectations plumbed new depths. Nevertheless, I did end up taking her back to mine where she turned out to be an absolute filthbag, so ideal for what I needed at that point.
It did teach me to apply a bit more scrutiny to later candidates.
If they have a tinder profile, they have a facebook profile too. It did teach me to apply a bit more scrutiny to later candidates.
Always find them on FB and have a good look through the pictures.
mjb1 said:
Yeah, you're right, my confidence is pretty shot. Not sure I ever really had any, which probably explains my terrible relationship history, and why I've been single so long. I had come to terms with that and was handling it pretty well, right up until I met this last woman. She's not perfect by any means, but I've never got on so well with anyone ever before. For once all the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together, including a physical attraction. She opened my eyes and gave me hope of something that I'd never even imagined possible, and then she backed out without a rational explanation. I was starting to get some confidence and now I feel set back to worse than I was before!
Female friends keep telling to just be myself, and that the perfect woman will just come along when I least expect it etc. And that's the laid back approach I've always taken, which I suspect works ok for women themselves, but just gets me friend zoned. Now I'm about to hit 40 and I've never had a meaningful relationship with anyone that I actually fancied, so clearly I'm going to have to get a bit more proactive! I've only ever looked at potential relationships from the view of what I can offer them, not what I want or need (only because I've no idea what I actually do want from someone, just too independent I suppose).
I'm sure my wardrobe could be improved, another aspect of my life that I'm pretty laid back about, so don't tend to dress sharply. And If I do try, I just feel even more self conscious, that I'm trying to hard and making myself look daft. I have lost a lot of weight recently (from 36-38" waist down to 30-32"). So my old clothes have ended up pretty baggy, hanging off me, and I'm replacing them with slimmer sizes. I'm a bit happier with how I look now - no longer fat and ugly, just ugly!
Oh , and still getting spurious notifications from Tinder saying people have swiped right on me, quite an achievement since my profile is supposedly deactivated!
I'll let you in on a little something, as someone who has struggled with confidence in the past and still isn't quite where I want to be but am much, much better; sometimes when you are low on confidence you convince yourself women aren't interested before you've even got going. Stop doing that. Female friends keep telling to just be myself, and that the perfect woman will just come along when I least expect it etc. And that's the laid back approach I've always taken, which I suspect works ok for women themselves, but just gets me friend zoned. Now I'm about to hit 40 and I've never had a meaningful relationship with anyone that I actually fancied, so clearly I'm going to have to get a bit more proactive! I've only ever looked at potential relationships from the view of what I can offer them, not what I want or need (only because I've no idea what I actually do want from someone, just too independent I suppose).
I'm sure my wardrobe could be improved, another aspect of my life that I'm pretty laid back about, so don't tend to dress sharply. And If I do try, I just feel even more self conscious, that I'm trying to hard and making myself look daft. I have lost a lot of weight recently (from 36-38" waist down to 30-32"). So my old clothes have ended up pretty baggy, hanging off me, and I'm replacing them with slimmer sizes. I'm a bit happier with how I look now - no longer fat and ugly, just ugly!
Oh , and still getting spurious notifications from Tinder saying people have swiped right on me, quite an achievement since my profile is supposedly deactivated!
You also daren't be suggestive or the slightest bit "pushy" (for want of a better word) or you're really worried about being "too" flirty. Stop that too. Sometimes you've got to go against your instincts and just let go when you're that low. You might just find that you get a surprising result...
It's coming across like you're waiting for them to take the lead on everything or like you haven't got much about you, i.e. there's no cheeky flirting that gets you friendzoned. Ask me how I know!
OK, so here's the current final installment of my 2018 path of destruction. I met this girl, somewhere around the time I met Bradford Belle, on Tinder. We chatted a bit and she seemed nice but I just wasn't 100% convinced about her so it faded. I ended up going out with V and then she thought her chance was gone. I actually got talking to her again regarding a 3some with V as she wanted one and this lass, we'll call her T, was well up for it too.
That never happened after V had her mini breakdown but I continued talking to T and we finally met up. We get on really well, it's just that she has a couple of kids and she's not really my type physically. There's certainly nothing wrong with her and she's quite pretty, but I don't feel that same thing like I felt with Belle or V. And to me it would be unfair to lead her on, so I have been straight with her from the off that I didn't want anything beyond a bit of fun.
As is always the way, she is well into me, the same way I was well into Belle, so it's like the roles have no been reversed! Anyway, we meet up, she comes to mine and we go out. We'd already agreed she would stay over (we did meet up for a couple of hours like a week before but this was the first proper night out).
I actually had a really good night out with her. It was a laugh. We got back to mine and got it on. I've suffered a few times this year with a bit of, er... performance anxiety we'll call it! I don't care, I'm human, st happens. I think being with someone for seven years before all this started has affected me in some way that makes me feel a bit weird being with someone new still. Can't really put it down to anything else.
Anyhow, when we got going I swear, I was like some sort of God. It was my best performance in years and the whole thing was like porn. She loved it, just wanted to be treated rougher and rougher and I duly obliged. It was up there with the best sex I've ever had. She wanted me to put it everywhere and I just went with the flow. It was awesome.
We obviously did it again the next morning and then we met up again a week later and did it again, but a less drunken, less intense version. She's now backed off a bit because she's started to really like me and knows I don't want more. I feel quite bad now as I know she genuinely does like me, and she asked me what was wrong with her etc. There's nothing wrong with her, I just don't feel that need to be with her.
I don't know, it is what it is. We still talk every day and I like talking to her, but she's talking about wanting to go out or go to the cinema but no sex. I don't really see the point of that, it would be like being married again and I just came from there!
That never happened after V had her mini breakdown but I continued talking to T and we finally met up. We get on really well, it's just that she has a couple of kids and she's not really my type physically. There's certainly nothing wrong with her and she's quite pretty, but I don't feel that same thing like I felt with Belle or V. And to me it would be unfair to lead her on, so I have been straight with her from the off that I didn't want anything beyond a bit of fun.
As is always the way, she is well into me, the same way I was well into Belle, so it's like the roles have no been reversed! Anyway, we meet up, she comes to mine and we go out. We'd already agreed she would stay over (we did meet up for a couple of hours like a week before but this was the first proper night out).
I actually had a really good night out with her. It was a laugh. We got back to mine and got it on. I've suffered a few times this year with a bit of, er... performance anxiety we'll call it! I don't care, I'm human, s
t happens. I think being with someone for seven years before all this started has affected me in some way that makes me feel a bit weird being with someone new still. Can't really put it down to anything else. Anyhow, when we got going I swear, I was like some sort of God. It was my best performance in years and the whole thing was like porn. She loved it, just wanted to be treated rougher and rougher and I duly obliged. It was up there with the best sex I've ever had. She wanted me to put it everywhere and I just went with the flow. It was awesome.
We obviously did it again the next morning and then we met up again a week later and did it again, but a less drunken, less intense version. She's now backed off a bit because she's started to really like me and knows I don't want more. I feel quite bad now as I know she genuinely does like me, and she asked me what was wrong with her etc. There's nothing wrong with her, I just don't feel that need to be with her.
I don't know, it is what it is. We still talk every day and I like talking to her, but she's talking about wanting to go out or go to the cinema but no sex. I don't really see the point of that, it would be like being married again and I just came from there!
POF for a female friend I have she told me she gets 5-6 messages a day. sends none literally 100s of meet me and 100s of viewed by. She is a solid 7 and the definition of the modern day "average" body but seen her profile it doesn't even have anything other than the bare minimum written on it. The guys that message her imo are all in decent shape hardly any are overweight and most seem to have a decent profile (she showed me her profile on day)
Me received 1 message a week on average from literal bog monsters and rate myself a solid 6. I'm decent looking and look after myself well but im only 5"7.
Average guy doesnt stand a chance as the good looking guys are hoovering up everything.
Bitter? no just the odds are never in your favour.
Me received 1 message a week on average from literal bog monsters and rate myself a solid 6. I'm decent looking and look after myself well but im only 5"7.
Average guy doesnt stand a chance as the good looking guys are hoovering up everything.
Bitter? no just the odds are never in your favour.
slipstream 1985 said:
Me received 1 message a week on average from literal bog monsters and rate myself a solid 6. I'm decent looking and look after myself well but im only 5"7.
Height seems to be a real thing for women, less so for men. A friend of mine sent me some pictures of a guy she had got chatting to that day and had plans to go out with him that evening - showing off basically. About 2 hours later she messaged me saying she had cancelled because he was 'only 5'10"'! Absolutely crazy.
Interestingly the guy she is seeing now who she met in person would not have got anywhere with her on the apps IMO.
Charlie1986 said:
jonamv8 said:
wow i've just caught up on the last few pages of this thread, some corkers in here. i've been howling away at my office PC!
When I've been single I've had periods of having multiple birds on the go at the same time, bloody hell it is hard work.
I’ve got 2 currently on the go and we are all due to go to the same night out on friday.... When I've been single I've had periods of having multiple birds on the go at the same time, bloody hell it is hard work.
gregs656 said:
slipstream 1985 said:
Me received 1 message a week on average from literal bog monsters and rate myself a solid 6. I'm decent looking and look after myself well but im only 5"7.
Height seems to be a real thing for women, less so for men. A friend of mine sent me some pictures of a guy she had got chatting to that day and had plans to go out with him that evening - showing off basically. About 2 hours later she messaged me saying she had cancelled because he was 'only 5'10"'! Absolutely crazy.
Interestingly the guy she is seeing now who she met in person would not have got anywhere with her on the apps IMO.
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