Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[lucido grigio]

Ayahuasca said:

havoc said:

mickk said:

He'll excel at that.

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

That is just basic.

......getting my Mac.

[havoc]

K12beano said:

havoc said:

mickk said:

He'll excel at that.

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

If the house was made out of straw and mud and dried in the sun will it be an adobe abode?

It will...but it certainly won't have any PowerPoints.

[mickk]

havoc said:

K12beano said:

havoc said:

mickk said:

He'll excel at that.

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

If the house was made out of straw and mud and dried in the sun will it be an adobe abode?

It will...but it certainly won't have any PowerPoints.

Jeez.. Have a word with yourself.

[lucido grigio]

havoc said:

K12beano said:

havoc said:

mickk said:

He'll excel at that.

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

If the house was made out of straw and mud and dried in the sun will it be an adobe abode?

It will...but it certainly won't have any PowerPoints.

I'm going to monitor the situation.

[Evangelion]

You might Excel yourself.

[Dilligaf10]

Quickmoose said:

Can you imagine the grief she must've faced going through the ranks?

Detective Dick
Inspector Dick
Commander Dick

She's now Dick Head

[havoc]

The most interesting thing about the new Met commissioner is their decision to capitalise the previous adjective.

[STO]

glenrobbo said:

LordGrover said:

Plus being named after an old Toyota...

Aygo, Aygo, Aygo... What's all this then?

Luckly she was born a girl and not a boy, else her parents might have called her Mr2 Dick.

[driverrob]

Dilligaf10 said:

Quickmoose said:

Can you imagine the grief she must've faced going through the ranks?

Detective Dick
Inspector Dick
Commander Dick

She's now Dick Head

At a teachers' meeting, many years ago, I came across a head-teacher called Richard Head. He seemed quite relaxed about friends calling him Dick. I kid you not.

[noell35]

lucido grigio said:

havoc said:

K12beano said:

havoc said:

mickk said:

He'll excel at that.

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

If the house was made out of straw and mud and dried in the sun will it be an adobe abode?

It will...but it certainly won't have any PowerPoints.

I'm going to monitor the situation.

The outlook isn't great

[B'stard Child]

noell35 said:

lucido grigio said:

havoc said:

K12beano said:

havoc said:

mickk said:

He'll excel at that.

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

If the house was made out of straw and mud and dried in the sun will it be an adobe abode?

It will...but it certainly won't have any PowerPoints.

I'm going to monitor the situation.

The outlook isn't great

Could you paint a more bleak picture?

[davhill]

V8A*ndy said:

Must have been Cabbaged....

Only if there are two rows.

Dual cabbage way.

[lucido grigio]

davhill said:

V8A*ndy said:

Must have been Cabbaged....

Only if there are two rows.

Dual cabbage way.

Only if you made a wrong turnip at the roundasprout.

[JustinF]

havoc said:

No he won't...how will he get into their house without Access?

Probably got a spare ASCII

[PoleDriver]

The Crown Prosecutor stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"
The foreman answered, "Insanity."
The Prosecutor responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that, but... all twelve of you?"

[Robster]

What do you call a telly tubby that's been robbed?


...... a tubby

[JMGS4]

Adenauer said:

Tell me I'm wrong.

Du liegst nicht falsch!

[Monkeylegend]

Robster said:

What do you call a telly tubby that's been robbed?


...... a tubby

What do you call a telly tubby who has had his telly thrown out of his bedroom window?

[Laurel Green]

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.

His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied: “I wasn't."

[kowalski655]

Dilligaf10 said:

Quickmoose said:

Can you imagine the grief she must've faced going through the ranks?

Detective Dick
Inspector Dick
Commander Dick

She's now Dick Head

Withthe manchester cops liking tits so much,only fair the Met like Dick