Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
jdw100 said:
Vipers said:
Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veterans cap when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired trips to Wally World to look at the "Walmartians" is always good for some comic release. Besides I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent this establishment.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
What is this American nonsense? How is it a joke?Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
Employee:
Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss:
Sure, come on in… What can I do for you?
Employee:
Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:
Yes.
Employee:
I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss:
A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee:
I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade..
Boss:
Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.
How does that sound?
Employee:
Great! It's a deal Thank you, sir!
Boss:
Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you?
Employee:
Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss:
Sure, come on in… What can I do for you?
Employee:
Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:
Yes.
Employee:
I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss:
A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee:
I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade..
Boss:
Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.
How does that sound?
Employee:
Great! It's a deal Thank you, sir!
Boss:
Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you?
Employee:
Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
LordGrover said:
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
cjb1 said:
LordGrover said:
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
K12beano said:
cjb1 said:
LordGrover said:
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Jonboy_t said:
My best mate has just bought a new Z4. I need to take the piss out of him, but have no Z4 based jokes.
HELP ME PH!!!
They already did..... http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=116...HELP ME PH!!!
Troubleatmill said:
Jonboy_t said:
My best mate has just bought a new Z4. I need to take the piss out of him, but have no Z4 based jokes.
HELP ME PH!!!
They already did..... http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=116...HELP ME PH!!!
k what you think.
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