Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[rayny]

Here's an oldie:

What's the definition of mutual trust ?
.
.
.
.
2 gay cannibals indulging in oral sex.

[Halmyre]

Hugo a Gogo said:

how does the man in the moon cut his hai?

eclipse it

or with a karate chop?

[dartissimus]

The cannibal's son who was eight before he was seven.

[Halmyre]

Funkycoldribena said:

Halmyre said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

how does the man in the moon cut his hai?

eclipse it

or with a karate chop?

You must be 40 plus...

Mmm...40 plus...

[PoleDriver]

So Barry Manilow has come out of the closet at 73 years of age and said he is gay .
I would be more shocked if Russell Brand announced he was a comedian.

[Spydaman]

At my hospital appointment this morning, the consultant told me I had to loose some weight before I have surgery.
He said, 'Don't eat anything fatty'.
I said, 'you mean like butter and cheese?'
He said, 'No, fatty, I mean don't eat anything!'

[Doofus]

PoleDriver said:

So Barry Manilow has come out of the closet at 73 years of age and said he is gay .
I would be more shocked if Russell Brand announced he was a comedian.

Oh, the kittens are desperate to get their little teeth into this one.

[familyguy1]

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: Look for the fresh prints

[K12beano]

It's not surprising that the Conservatory Party want to cap energy bills.


Otherwise how are we going to afford to cook all those foxes.....

[kowalski655]

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light
bulb?
Woman's Answer:
One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? because no one else in this fking house knows HOW to change a fking light bulb! They don't even know that the fking bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE fking DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the god damned light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle , actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the fking chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME fking SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO fkER EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE fkIN PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE fkIN HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES
THE fk'N TOILET PAPER ROLL !!
I'm sorry.
What was the question?

[Jimmy Recard]

48k said:

This is my local

[familyguy1]

I'll soon be writing a pun about people with crooked teeth.

Brace yourselves

[edit - deleted the duplicate post !]

Edited by familyguy1 on Friday 12th May 10:28

[Evangelion]

Was that one for the top set and one for the bottom?

[Monkeylegend]

The second post was an implant.

[McAndy]

It barely made a dent in the server traffic.

[dartissimus]

The Flat Earth Society has branches all around the World

[omniflow]

PoleDriver said:

My wife accused me of being a transvestite.
So I packed her things and left.

This joke deserves much applause. Very clever, simple and very funny.

[Ayahuasca]

omniflow said:

PoleDriver said:

My wife accused me of being a transvestite.
So I packed her things and left.

This joke deserves much applause. Very clever, simple and very funny.

Are you the official joke judge now?

[Vipers]

Only a few will appreciate this.

---

What's the difference between a Torry Quine and a bowling ball.

You can only get three fingers into a bowling ball.

[PoleDriver]

Ayahuasca said:

omniflow said:

PoleDriver said:

My wife accused me of being a transvestite.
So I packed her things and left.

This joke deserves much applause. Very clever, simple and very funny.

Are you the official joke judge now?

He should be, he's very discerning!