Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Laurel Green]

silverfoxcc said:

'A Taxi?'

Worthy indeed!

[AstonZagato]

The Frankie Boyle line was "Yes, there is a Vegan option. You can fk off."

[silverfoxcc]

AstonZagato said:

The Frankie Boyle line was "Yes, there is a Vegan option. You can fk off."

I like Frankie, oh and see that the grass eaters are up in arms that the EU my ban the words sausages and burgers from their description of the st they eat.

It is being proposed that the words Disc and Tube be substituted

Veggie disc LMFAO

[simoid]

Think the French have actually done it

[Robbo 27]

AstonZagato said:

The Frankie Boyle line was "Yes, there is a Vegan option. You can fk off."

I was on a night flight on an African Airways flight, it was a bit grim.

Stewardness asked if I was having dinner, excellent I thought, things are improving.

'What are the options?'

'Yes or No'.

[sospan]

motco said:

Approximately...

Open 22/7 every day...recurring?

[carmadgaz]

silverfoxcc said:

I like Frankie, oh and see that the grass eaters are up in arms that the EU my ban the words sausages and burgers from their description of the st they eat.

It is being proposed that the words Disc and Tube be substituted

Veggie disc LMFAO

Sausages and burgers can be pretty much anything so let them have their veggie options. The Vegetablist bacon and chicken breasts can fk off though!

[Vipers]

I put an old fridge on my driveway with a sign saying "Bought a new one, this one still works fine, if you want it, you can take it, it's free"

It was there for a week so I changed the sign to read "Works fine £20"

That night someone nicked it.

[silverfoxcc]

A chap living in North Somerset wrote to his MP complaining about air pollution. His letter began

Jacob, Re Smog

[Shuvi McTupya]

Vipers said:

I put an old fridge on my driveway with a sign saying "Bought a new one, this one still works fine, if you want it, you can take it, it's free"

It was there for a week so I changed the sign to read "Works fine £20"

That night someone nicked it.

I can believe it, an old girlfriend was trying to give away a piece of st old caravan but no one would take it. We towed it to a local lay-by and put a for sale sign with her phone number on it. It wasn't there for long.

People don't like charity i guess

[Jonboy_t]

My dad once told me “son, you can be anything you want, the sky’s the limit!”

Shame really. I wanted to be an astronaut.

[silverfoxcc]

Whilst chatting in the pub to my mate, he suddenly said

'I don't look forward to the end of October'

I said 'Why?'

He replied 'There is one thing i don't like about Halloween'

I asked 'Which is?'

He said 'Yes'

[silverfoxcc]

My gay mate went to the library the other week and complained that the book he got out wasn't about gay love affairs.
I looked at the title and it was

The Romance of the Hebrides


The following were taken from another source

I went to see the film Dunkirk. Turns out is isnt a biopic about William Shatner

I tell you what catches my eye......short people with umbrellas

Watching the tele the other night and the announcer said there is a documentary about the clitoris on the red button.... i couldn't find it

Last Xmas i asked my DiL waht my granddaugher would like, she said she like Frozen things....so we got her some oven chips and peas

At Nando's do you know what they called the area between the front and back doors?....The peri-perineum


Next door neighbour has had a penis extension,..... makes his house look weird


Walked past a sex shop the other day, there was an Ad i the window that said Dildo 12 inches long and realistic...so which is it?


In our psychology course we had a section on Pavlov, and his dogs , i thought what a waste of time.. then the bell went and we all went to lunch

When i was younger i thought PPI is what you got if you went swimming without goggles

My girlfriends dog died...to cheer her up i got her an identical one...Now what am i going to do with two dead dogs?


Saw an advert for a sperm donors by post...I came in a jiffy

[Sticks.]

From the same comedian (whose name I can't remember).

My new young neighbours made a sex video. They don't know yet.

I'm always afraid that when a women sees me naked for the first time she'll run screaming out of the park.

[Jonboy_t]

Sticks. said:

From the same comedian (whose name I can't remember).

My new young neighbours made a sex video. They don't know yet.

I'm always afraid that when a women sees me naked for the first time she'll run screaming out of the park.

Gary delaney. The bloke is a fking genius!

[Sticks.]

Jonboy_t said:

Gary delaney. The bloke is a fking genius!

Thanks, that's it, yes. I don't remember when I last heard so many new jokes. from one person.

[ThunderSpook]

Sticks. said:

Jonboy_t said:

Gary delaney. The bloke is a fking genius!

Thanks, that's it, yes. I don't remember when I last heard so many new jokes. from one person.

At least there is one funny person in that household

[silverfoxcc]

They are certainly fresh and had me chuckling

Kudos to the guy

[HA51EMT]

Well the day is nearly here. Wish me luck with the London Marathon, this weekend.

I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes and 9 seconds, last year.

This year, I will try to beat that but I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else.

[mickk]

Sad news: the inventor of predictive text has passed away st the age of 92. His funfair is next monkey.