PH Secret Santa 2018 - Rogue Custard: A Santae Story!

[Lazadude]

matbat said:

Santae where are you!!!???
The tree is still up, it's not too late!

I'll break cover to say I'm your santa, and can only apologise, as mentioned before via geeks, I have half your stuff but I still haven't got the main present I was waiting for. I'm in the middle of arguments with yodel and the shipper as to where it is (or isn't).

Yodel say they delivered a signed for parcel to me when I was the other end of the country. I am/was working on getting a replacement sorted but with the Christmas/new year break, there's the built in delays. I can only apologise, I'll deliver the stuff I do have tomorrow and push for refunds for the stuff I haven't got.

Ive been let down and therefore you have too, I feel so bad and can only apologise for yodels uselessness.

[troc]

Yodel really are the party poopers of the delivery world.

[theguvernor15]

Morning all,

Firstly, apologies to my SS, i hadn't forgotten to post, however, i've felt under the weather since Xmas day, i've not done a lot of drinking, or eating to that matter, but mainly sleeping, thanks to the ill effects of some form of nasty chest infection.

I did however, receive from my SS an apron with my IG page's logo printed on & a cool car 3D lamp illusion & a hand-written card

[Benni]

I forgot to tell the tale of the dildo´ed guitar, this was no SS present but a blast from the past,
I built this thing almost 40 years ago as a prop for "sex live shows" which were done at several hush-hush places in Germany.

I had a workshop with my dad, and we did some interesting props, customers were artists who paid well.
Dad is long since dead, and this guitar popped up on ebay, I snapped it for sentimental reasons
and for the silent air compressor which we also built ourselves, using some 24V bus parts.
The compressor will do workshop duties and the guitar will be wall-mounted.

We also did this "Leopard #6 Panzer" but it is too big for my living room :
https://www.ebay.de/itm/Leopard-SEX-Panzer-Nr-6-/2...

Double 12V car batteries, transformer to 220V AC, two Black&Decker drills driving the double-toothed belt "chains",
turret turns, cannon lifts, dildo in barrel appears, full remote control.
120 x 80 x 60cm, 120Kg, steers like a tank, turns on the spot, is capable of stairs climbing.

Maybe something for PHSS 2019 ??

[matbat]

Lazadude said:

I'll break cover to say I'm your santa, and can only apologise, as mentioned before via geeks, I have half your stuff but I still haven't got the main present I was waiting for. I'm in the middle of arguments with yodel and the shipper as to where it is (or isn't).

Yodel say they delivered a signed for parcel to me when I was the other end of the country. I am/was working on getting a replacement sorted but with the Christmas/new year break, there's the built in delays. I can only apologise, I'll deliver the stuff I do have tomorrow and push for refunds for the stuff I haven't got.

Ive been let down and therefore you have too, I feel so bad and can only apologise for yodels uselessness.

Ahh no worries buddy. Sorry to hear about your strife with Yodel

[matbat]

Benni said:

I forgot to tell the tale of the dildo´ed guitar, this was no SS present but a blast from the past,
I built this thing almost 40 years ago as a prop for "sex live shows" which were done at several hush-hush places in Germany.

Could one of them have been the infamous KitKatclub?

[Lazadude]

matbat said:

Ahh no worries buddy. Sorry to hear about your strife with Yodel

Sent what I have got special, should arrive tomorrow by 1pm. Ho ho ho and all that, sorry its late.

When I finish this saga with Yodel, If I get it I'll fwd it on.

I actually agree with Yodel in my case at the moment, disputed delivery/lost item has to be raised by the sender as thats the person they have a contract with. Sender is pointing me at yodel as they had it last. So great circle of Sender saying talk to delivery company and delivery company (rightfully in my mind) saying wont talk to me, talk to sender.

I always avoid Herpes/Yodel, and this is the reason why, they hire anyone who can rent a van and then pay them on deliveries completed not on quality. So things get thrown over fences/put in bins on bin day (actually happened before, said they left it in a safe place. The safe place that was collected 30 mins later by a big rubbish truck...) etc.

[andburg]

Lazadude said:

matbat said:

Ahh no worries buddy. Sorry to hear about your strife with Yodel

Sent what I have got special, should arrive tomorrow by 1pm. Ho ho ho and all that, sorry its late.

When I finish this saga with Yodel, If I get it I'll fwd it on.

I actually agree with Yodel in my case at the moment, disputed delivery/lost item has to be raised by the sender as thats the person they have a contract with. Sender is pointing me at yodel as they had it last. So great circle of Sender saying talk to delivery company and delivery company (rightfully in my mind) saying wont talk to me, talk to sender.

I always avoid Herpes/Yodel, and this is the reason why, they hire anyone who can rent a van and then pay them on deliveries completed not on quality. So things get thrown over fences/put in bins on bin day (actually happened before, said they left it in a safe place. The safe place that was collected 30 mins later by a big rubbish truck...) etc.

I annoyingly found out amazon defaulted my safe location to my bin after tracking a missing parcel.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/help/customer/display....

Worth checking next time you place an order, annoyingly there seems to be noway of just checking and updating this.

[Benni]

matbat said:

Could one of them have been the infamous KitKatclub?

No, that was decades before, in the 70s to the 90s there were some Nightclubs/Bars where live shows were the main attraction,
although never advertised, because they were (and are) not legal in Germany.
(Side note : It is legal to get a man in a gorilla costume and he can bang the hell out of a woman with a rubber dong,
as soon as he takes his real thing out its is illegal, that´s totally logical, "Gorilla Live Shows" still exist but are scammy.
At the fringes of bigger cites and along the border to other countries these venues were tolerated by officials and neighbors,
because they made good profits, paid lots of local taxes and did not put agressive advertising or prostitution in the public.
Many businessmen took their foreign guests for a "special night out", sometimes ending in a separee and more or less horizontal.
The artists were rotating every 4-6 weeks between these clubs,
someone with a good stage show and props could build a name and demand more money,
300-500 DM a night for uneducated young people was a lot of cash in those days,
as long as the male actor could "get it up" 3-5 times in an evening with 100-300 people watching.

The advance of erotic industries and multimedia killed that scene, fear of AIDS was also a contributing factor.

[mintybiscuit]

Wow...
That gives the thread name a totally new meaning !!

[alorotom]

Well everyday is a school day!

[Benni]

Yeah, sorry for slight thread derailment but the guitar caused some raised eyebrows, I guess.

Now back to PHSS, I have seen that the list has been put up to date (by geeks?),

hopefully everyone missing out gets their "earliest 2019 Christmas presents evAr"

[eltax91]

This thread has a disappointing lack of pictures of gifts!

[matbat]

I think Benni is my new best friend! He knows all the cool places!

Edited by matbat on Thursday 3rd January 15:38

[___MIKE___]

eltax91 said:

This thread has a disappointing lack of pictures of gifts!

For sure when mine arrives I’ll post pics.

[Rutter]

eltax91 said:

This thread has a disappointing lack of pictures of gifts!

And even those that have posted pics are very sparse and not of all the gifts and cards etc. People have gone to a lot of effort with their choices surely it’s curtesy to share it?

[geeks]

Rutter said:

eltax91 said:

This thread has a disappointing lack of pictures of gifts!

And even those that have posted pics are very sparse and not of all the gifts and cards etc. People have gone to a lot of effort with their choices surely it’s curtesy to share it?

I think my pic was the best... no real reason, I am just biased!

[StanleyT]

Remember the "suspect package".......................










................well it is Mrs T here, Stan left some strange notes in his will after he sadly passed away the other day, which involved uploading these images here with his hand written notes on a series of post it notes, with timings counting down from 5 minutes. Make any sense to anyone? Funeral tbc, flowers to the Hemmaroid Mayo Clinic support foundation.



Notes as follows, with pictures.......



.........".stealing one's nerve with PH lager"............t - 1:00





Stan was always safety conscious, nice to see he donned protective facegear for his final 5 minutes, 39 seconds on this earth as a mortal........t -39s




More lager consumed; those eyes are what Stan's eyes are really like when pissed, that isn't part the mask, my last glimpse of his sweet, sweaty, slightly stale smelling face,... t-19s




"Safety bucket" deployed, t-3s...



TBC, I'm getting a bit overcome with writing this epitaph.

[StanleyT]

"Packages 1-4" says a note, "apols for the poor photos, in a rush, bugger, just wasted 32 seconds writing this note and taking photos, should have videoed with narrative, oh well, that probably what they said when Kennedy was shaot daed, st, 14 more seconds gone"...........t 0:46

I found the second present cover together with the rest of the remains in the rubble, it looked like it said "Open this second if it is too dark.....".









TBC, having to reconstruct forensically the final post-it notes.

[bristolbaron]

Benni said:

I forgot to tell the tale of the dildo´ed guitar, this was no SS present but a blast from the past,
I built this thing almost 40 years ago as a prop for "sex live shows" which were done at several hush-hush places in Germany.

I had a workshop with my dad, and we did some interesting props, customers were artists who paid well.
Dad is long since dead, and this guitar popped up on ebay, I snapped it for sentimental reasons
and for the silent air compressor which we also built ourselves, using some 24V bus parts.
The compressor will do workshop duties and the guitar will be wall-mounted.

We also did this "Leopard #6 Panzer" but it is too big for my living room :
https://www.ebay.de/itm/Leopard-SEX-Panzer-Nr-6-/2...

Double 12V car batteries, transformer to 220V AC, two Black&Decker drills driving the double-toothed belt "chains",
turret turns, cannon lifts, dildo in barrel appears, full remote control.
120 x 80 x 60cm, 120Kg, steers like a tank, turns on the spot, is capable of stairs climbing.

Maybe something for PHSS 2019 ??

The Panzer is epic, shame they really scaled down the UK version of Robot Wars.