Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Monkeylegend said:
Stuart70 said:
Monkeylegend said:
That might just be a suicidal chicken who is going to stop in the middle and sit and wait for fate to play it's hand,or it might have got halfway and has just turned round to back from whence it came.
We have no way of knowing, but either way we still don't know why.
Schrodinger’s chicken We have no way of knowing, but either way we still don't know why.
Jonboy_t said:
Sticks. said:
From the same comedian (whose name I can't remember).
My new young neighbours made a sex video. They don't know yet.
I'm always afraid that when a women sees me naked for the first time she'll run screaming out of the park.
Gary delaney. The bloke is a fMy new young neighbours made a sex video. They don't know yet.
I'm always afraid that when a women sees me naked for the first time she'll run screaming out of the park.
king genius!Accidentally put diesel in the escort...
...She died!
Went to the zoo to watch the monkeys w
king....then went to see the crocodiles and I was still w
king
Five Aussie surgeons from big cities are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on.
The first surgeon, from Brisbane, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, from Perth, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded."
The third surgeon, from Adelaide , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Sydney chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
But the fifth surgeon, from Melbourne , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.’
The first surgeon, from Brisbane, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, from Perth, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded."
The third surgeon, from Adelaide , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Sydney chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
But the fifth surgeon, from Melbourne , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.’
Skyedriver said:
Monkeylegend said:
Kenty said:
That might just be a suicidal chicken who is going to stop in the middle and sit and wait for fate to play it's hand,or it might have got halfway and has just turned round to back from whence it came.
We have no way of knowing, but either way we still don't know why.
A: Which one's the bloke?
Guy carrying out a door to door survey on sanitary pads.
Knocks on the first door, woman opens it, he says "I am carrying out a survey on pads, which do you use?"
She says "Dr Whites", he says "Thank you", and goes to the next house.
Knocks on the door, woman opens it, he says "I am carrying out a survey on pads, which do you use?"
She says "Bodyform", he says "Thank you", and goes to the next house.
Knocks on the door, woman opens it, he says "I am carrying out a survey on pads, which do you use?"
She says "Brillo", thinks to himself, we have a bright here.
Knocks on the first door, woman opens it, he says "I am carrying out a survey on pads, which do you use?"
She says "Dr Whites", he says "Thank you", and goes to the next house.
Knocks on the door, woman opens it, he says "I am carrying out a survey on pads, which do you use?"
She says "Bodyform", he says "Thank you", and goes to the next house.
Knocks on the door, woman opens it, he says "I am carrying out a survey on pads, which do you use?"
She says "Brillo", thinks to himself, we have a bright
here.Halmyre said:
Frank7 said:
The Giro?!? Any other jokes from the 1970s, grandad? 
I’m undoubtedly probably old enough to be your grandad, but having never taken one thin dime from the Government’s tit, I can’t remember when benefits ceased to be paid by Giro.
Scratch that, I’ve been getting £200 p.a. Heating Allowance for a few years now, as I’m decrepit.
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