Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Not great. Can imagine it’s upsetting, but better the truth is out there, at least you can draw a line under it. Work through the separation but keep emotions out of it, be respectful and polite in your dealings but firm on your principles - treat it like exiting a business deal where you were let down, s
t happens.
Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
t happens. Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
Darkslider said:
Once again thanks very much everyone for your replies, from both sides of the fence. It's a shame my post has created so much ill feeling however this is naturally an emotional and divisive topic I suppose so not unexpected.
I was in two minds about whether I could or should give her another chance I'll admit. But to bring some closure to this I've made up my mind.
that's a proper kick in the nads for you but hopefully will make the next phase a little easier to deal with.I was in two minds about whether I could or should give her another chance I'll admit. But to bring some closure to this I've made up my mind.
horrible situation to be in but at least you can move forwards more comfortable with your decision with less of the 'what if' scenarios playing out in your head.
get things dealt with and if possible don't get too angry as that just makes you out to be partially guilty in the aftermath when that really doesn't appear to be the case. Good luck in sorting this out
Gigamoons said:
Not great. Can imagine it’s upsetting, but better the truth is out there, at least you can draw a line under it. Work through the separation but keep emotions out of it, be respectful and polite in your dealings but firm on your principles - treat it like exiting a business deal where you were let down, st happens.
Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
Couldn't have put it better myself. Great post.t happens. Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
Harry Flashman said:
I categorise people who use the term "beta male" about other men (the implication of course being that they themselves are some sort of "apex male") as i do those who use the term "snowflake" to describe anyone who isn't as neanderthal as themselves; i.e. as being intellectually sub-par.
How does wimp grab you? If you’re happy to mop up some sloppy seconds and forgive and forget, good for you but had he not looked at the phone and followed your advice, what then?Edited by Harry Flashman on Sunday 31st December 21:55
How confident are you in your relationship that you have nothing to worry about?
I heard you found your left hand cheating with another man
Harry Flashman said:
Gigamoons said:
Not great. Can imagine it’s upsetting, but better the truth is out there, at least you can draw a line under it. Work through the separation but keep emotions out of it, be respectful and polite in your dealings but firm on your principles - treat it like exiting a business deal where you were let down, st happens.
Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
Couldn't have put it better myself. Great post.t happens. Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
Secret lemonade drinker said:
Harry Flashman said:
I categorise people who use the term "beta male" about other men (the implication of course being that they themselves are some sort of "apex male") as i do those who use the term "snowflake" to describe anyone who isn't as neanderthal as themselves; i.e. as being intellectually sub-par.
How does wimp grab you? If you’re happy to mop up some sloppy seconds and forgive and forget, good for you but had he not looked at the phone and followed your advice, what then?Edited by Harry Flashman on Sunday 31st December 21:55
How confident are you in your relationship that you have nothing to worry about?
I heard you found your left hand cheating with another man
I gave no advice to take her back. I merely objected to people using teenage terms on a thread for supposedly mature adults. I poi ted put that not all cause and effe t is as simple as it may look at forst glance.In fact, I went as far as to say that i personally, probably could not forgive cheating.
But, apart from all of that, you have a point.
Edited by Harry Flashman on Monday 1st January 11:43
bhstewie said:
hstewie said: Do you chaps talk like this in real life?
Wimp simp alpha beta cuckold what the hell do you lot watch or read that makes you speak like that
Exactly. It's the language of men who have never actually had any real experience with a partner. It's the language of those self help books for weak-minded men who have trouble relating. It's the language that Andrew Tate and his pathetic ilk use to prey on such men and turn them into unreconstructed cavemen. It's the language of misogynistic, incel idiots.Wimp simp alpha beta cuckold what the hell do you lot watch or read that makes you speak like that
Edited by Harry Flashman on Monday 1st January 11:44
Secret lemonade drinker said:
Harry Flashman said:
I categorise people who use the term "beta male" about other men (the implication of course being that they themselves are some sort of "apex male") as i do those who use the term "snowflake" to describe anyone who isn't as neanderthal as themselves; i.e. as being intellectually sub-par.
How does wimp grab you? If you’re happy to mop up some sloppy seconds and forgive and forget, good for you but had he not looked at the phone and followed your advice, what then?Edited by Harry Flashman on Sunday 31st December 21:55
How confident are you in your relationship that you have nothing to worry about?
I heard you found your left hand cheating with another man
I had a terrible night last night, I've only been eating a slice of toast a day because I'm so sick, and I've had about 4 hours sleep in 4 days. Once my mate left at around 1am I was on my own, and tried to sleep but despite my entire body feeling fatigued I just can't switch my brain off.
I told her soon after that I'd looked through the phone and that it had cemented my decision that I couldn't take her back. To her credit, we had a chat about what happens now and I said I didn't want to lose my home as well in all this, but that I can't afford to buy her out as the house has probably increased in value by £25-30k since we bought it 4 years ago.
She's agreed to just take her half of the deposit and half of the capital that we've paid off so far to buy her out, which amounts to something like £8k rather than £15-20k. I'm probably going to need a further £9k to make up the shortfall in what the bank would re mortgage for just myself alone, but I'm hoping if I sell off a few vehicles and maybe the mini digger I bought for landscaping the garden I can raise that much before too long.
Any advice on the above if we have any mortgage experts in the house would be appreciated, I can't imagine it's a very common situation for one party to accept a lesser figure than they were entitled to, so I don't know how the bank will view it. Will they even let her sign it over to me just like that? You'd assume they would have anti coercion practices etc that they have to adhere to? I don't know I'm just thinking out loud here it's probably going to be months before I can raise that kind of cash anyway.
Darkslider said:
I get that maybe you were wronged in the past and to your mind there's some terrible advice being given by some of the guys in here who have perhaps been able to forgive and forget, when you couldn't. . But this thread is full of people that have had their hearts broken one way or another, and personal insults just aren't helpful. On my level I'm feeling exceptionally fragile right now, I've taken the tough decision to get rid of her as per your camps advice, and this thread is one of very few life lines I'm clinging on to for support. I just don't want to see people arguing over my situation it's not helping me.
I had a terrible night last night, I've only been eating a slice of toast a day because I'm so sick, and I've had about 4 hours sleep in 4 days. Once my mate left at around 1am I was on my own, and tried to sleep but despite my entire body feeling fatigued I just can't switch my brain off.
I told her soon after that I'd looked through the phone and that it had cemented my decision that I couldn't take her back. To her credit, we had a chat about what happens now and I said I didn't want to lose my home as well in all this, but that I can't afford to buy her out as the house has probably increased in value by £25-30k since we bought it 4 years ago.
She's agreed to just take her half of the deposit and half of the capital that we've paid off so far to buy her out, which amounts to something like £8k rather than £15-20k. I'm probably going to need a further £9k to make up the shortfall in what the bank would re mortgage for just myself alone, but I'm hoping if I sell off a few vehicles and maybe the mini digger I bought for landscaping the garden I can raise that much before too long.
Any advice on the above if we have any mortgage experts in the house would be appreciated, I can't imagine it's a very common situation for one party to accept a lesser figure than they were entitled to, so I don't know how the bank will view it. Will they even let her sign it over to me just like that? You'd assume they would have anti coercion practices etc that they have to adhere to? I don't know I'm just thinking out loud here it's probably going to be months before I can raise that kind of cash anyway.
Get in touch with Sarnie (PHer) on here, and best of luck. Hopefully, with no kids in the mix, this needn't be too drawn out, but be ready for her asking for more if she takes advice.I had a terrible night last night, I've only been eating a slice of toast a day because I'm so sick, and I've had about 4 hours sleep in 4 days. Once my mate left at around 1am I was on my own, and tried to sleep but despite my entire body feeling fatigued I just can't switch my brain off.
I told her soon after that I'd looked through the phone and that it had cemented my decision that I couldn't take her back. To her credit, we had a chat about what happens now and I said I didn't want to lose my home as well in all this, but that I can't afford to buy her out as the house has probably increased in value by £25-30k since we bought it 4 years ago.
She's agreed to just take her half of the deposit and half of the capital that we've paid off so far to buy her out, which amounts to something like £8k rather than £15-20k. I'm probably going to need a further £9k to make up the shortfall in what the bank would re mortgage for just myself alone, but I'm hoping if I sell off a few vehicles and maybe the mini digger I bought for landscaping the garden I can raise that much before too long.
Any advice on the above if we have any mortgage experts in the house would be appreciated, I can't imagine it's a very common situation for one party to accept a lesser figure than they were entitled to, so I don't know how the bank will view it. Will they even let her sign it over to me just like that? You'd assume they would have anti coercion practices etc that they have to adhere to? I don't know I'm just thinking out loud here it's probably going to be months before I can raise that kind of cash anyway.
PurplePenguin said:
Do you have any life advice to give the OP? Or are you just sniping as per usual
I think you can form a view from the way people speak and all this alpha beta wimp simp cuckold stuff is not normal.I don't know anyone who talks like that in real life.
My advice to anyone would be speak to people who actually know you and ideally your partner and be very careful which random people on here who know absolutely nothing about you and who you know absolutely nothing about you listen to when making major life decisions.
On the plus side, it sounds like your food bill will be very low for a bit, that’ll help the savings 
What a stter dude. Sounds like you’re making good progress and she’s being reasonable in the next steps too.
It sounds like your head is spinning, to control that I’d take a bit of paper and write down all the tasks you think you need to do
Mortgage
Phone bills
Council tax
Etc etc…
Etc so you have a list of all the tasks somewhere then you don’t need to “think” about them so much, getting them on paper is helpful & you can then work through ticking them off.
You don’t need to fix everything immediately. If it takes a few months or quarters to get everything you owe over to her then that would seem reasonable, don’t need to rush but have a plan.
I’d really recommend trying to run a bit or other exercise to burn off the stress you’re feeling & try to get some nutritious food into you.
Depending on your job & relationship with manager you may want to let them know you’re dealing with sit at home so may need a bit of an easy time at work the next couple months, really depends on your manager - sure you’ll strike the right balance
Good luck.
In terms of other st things to deal with today, I’ve got to try and replace a starter motor on a stupid frikkin TVR. I’m not sure who’s got a sttier day ahead of them, good luck to both of us!
What a s
tter dude. Sounds like you’re making good progress and she’s being reasonable in the next steps too. It sounds like your head is spinning, to control that I’d take a bit of paper and write down all the tasks you think you need to do
Mortgage
Phone bills
Council tax
Etc etc…
Etc so you have a list of all the tasks somewhere then you don’t need to “think” about them so much, getting them on paper is helpful & you can then work through ticking them off.
You don’t need to fix everything immediately. If it takes a few months or quarters to get everything you owe over to her then that would seem reasonable, don’t need to rush but have a plan.
I’d really recommend trying to run a bit or other exercise to burn off the stress you’re feeling & try to get some nutritious food into you.
Depending on your job & relationship with manager you may want to let them know you’re dealing with sit at home so may need a bit of an easy time at work the next couple months, really depends on your manager - sure you’ll strike the right balance
Good luck.
In terms of other s
t things to deal with today, I’ve got to try and replace a starter motor on a stupid frikkin TVR. I’m not sure who’s got a sttier day ahead of them, good luck to both of us!OK this is experience based advice not opinion.
On a strictly psychological level, and see my caveat below, if the deal is advantageous and acceptable to you, act quickly to get it legally tied up. This is because some of her offer is based on guilt. Guilt fades, conversations are had with friends and family, peeps into the future are had and suddenly being generous comes off the table and self-interest becomes the priority.
From a legal perspective you will need a clean break settlement and you must get this drawn up by solicitors. Understandably, people need to be protected from exploitation and coercion so she will need to have another solicitor checking that she is is entering into any agreement freely.
Things can get progressively more complicated if you are married, there is any dependency, pensions, assets, etc.
One word of caution. In addition to guilt, some people will agree to what looks like a quick, disadvantageous (to them) settlement in order to conceal hidden assets. Better to give you 75% than put that secret trust fund set up by grandad into the equation.
On a strictly psychological level, and see my caveat below, if the deal is advantageous and acceptable to you, act quickly to get it legally tied up. This is because some of her offer is based on guilt. Guilt fades, conversations are had with friends and family, peeps into the future are had and suddenly being generous comes off the table and self-interest becomes the priority.
From a legal perspective you will need a clean break settlement and you must get this drawn up by solicitors. Understandably, people need to be protected from exploitation and coercion so she will need to have another solicitor checking that she is is entering into any agreement freely.
Things can get progressively more complicated if you are married, there is any dependency, pensions, assets, etc.
One word of caution. In addition to guilt, some people will agree to what looks like a quick, disadvantageous (to them) settlement in order to conceal hidden assets. Better to give you 75% than put that secret trust fund set up by grandad into the equation.
Darkslider said:
I said I didn't want to lose my home as well in all this, but that I can't afford to buy her out as the house has probably increased in value by £25-30k since we bought it 4 years ago.
She's agreed to just take her half of the deposit and half of the capital that we've paid off so far to buy her out, which amounts to something like £8k rather than £15-20k. I'm probably going to need a further £9k to make up the shortfall in what the bank would re mortgage for just myself alone, but I'm hoping if I sell off a few vehicles and maybe the mini digger I bought for landscaping the garden I can raise that much before too long.
Any advice on the above if we have any mortgage experts in the house would be appreciated, I can't imagine it's a very common situation for one party to accept a lesser figure than they were entitled to, so I don't know how the bank will view it. Will they even let her sign it over to me just like that? You'd assume they would have anti coercion practices etc that they have to adhere to? I don't know I'm just thinking out loud here it's probably going to be months before I can raise that kind of cash anyway.
Take time to think it all through,She's agreed to just take her half of the deposit and half of the capital that we've paid off so far to buy her out, which amounts to something like £8k rather than £15-20k. I'm probably going to need a further £9k to make up the shortfall in what the bank would re mortgage for just myself alone, but I'm hoping if I sell off a few vehicles and maybe the mini digger I bought for landscaping the garden I can raise that much before too long.
Any advice on the above if we have any mortgage experts in the house would be appreciated, I can't imagine it's a very common situation for one party to accept a lesser figure than they were entitled to, so I don't know how the bank will view it. Will they even let her sign it over to me just like that? You'd assume they would have anti coercion practices etc that they have to adhere to? I don't know I'm just thinking out loud here it's probably going to be months before I can raise that kind of cash anyway.
It's unusual for any party to take less then they could because the legal experts get involved and push for as much as they can get.
But yes, make plans to get the money from somewhere.
Gigamoons said:
Not great. Can imagine it’s upsetting, but better the truth is out there, at least you can draw a line under it. Work through the separation but keep emotions out of it, be respectful and polite in your dealings but firm on your principles - treat it like exiting a business deal where you were let down, st happens.
Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
t happens. Lick your wounds and vent how unjust the universe is to close mates and on here.
Learn from it - easy to walk away cursing her, but remember the signs you saw, the inattentiveness / tunnel vision on work from you that you’ve already acknowledged. Going forwards you’ll know that only a fool blindly just listens to what people say, you need to watch how they’re acting for the true picture.
Use some time for you, whatever that looks like. Just don’t get stuck in a doom loop relaying this relationship over and over, you’ve got to lift her down from the pedestal and accept she’s just another flawed, confused, imperfect human being like we all are. No need to hate her, just a shrug thanks for some great memories, we had some good times, wishing you the best for your future etc.
Then go find another partner if that’s what you want when you’re ready.
Good luck fella, you definitely ain’t the first to be here and you certainty won’t be the last. Just part of life’s rich tapestry of events etc.
If you do get overwhelmed with your own thoughts though, just pop back here. It’s a decent thread with decent people imo. There’s often some robust differences of opinions, but that’s ok, having a wide range of opinions, values and beliefs enriches the conversation with food for thought.
Joey Deacon said:
Obviously it was very tough for you to find those photos but at least you know the truth now. Far from the "she made a mistake, give her another chance" rubbish spouted by some on this thread, this was cold and calculated from her.
I know I am frequently rubbished by some in this thread by my "tingles" and "edorphine" theories but this is exactly what this was. She was getting off massively in the excitement of this, especially having to sneak around behind your back. How interesting that she was buying lingerie for the new guy, but not for you.
The saying is men get comfortable in a long term relationship and women get bored. There are many men bitter about how they have been treated and no doubt some of the comments arising as a result stray into misogyny, but rather than shout down men who have learned from bitter experience maybe try and recognise that sometimes they make a good point. I know I am frequently rubbished by some in this thread by my "tingles" and "edorphine" theories but this is exactly what this was. She was getting off massively in the excitement of this, especially having to sneak around behind your back. How interesting that she was buying lingerie for the new guy, but not for you.
There is fantasy and then there is reality. Part of the fantasies are "the one" and that a good man will not be screwed over in a relationship. Work hard, treat your wife decently, provide for a good standard of living and you will have a soulmate for life. Sadly life isn't a fairytale.
Those who have been "red pilled" but still think a man is most fullfilled in a long term relationship with a woman, advocate a very different mindset. There is no unconditional love so you will have to continually fulfil the conditions for maintaining the relationship by working on yourself physically, mentally, socially and professionally. No guarantees it will still work out of course but at least you are approaching things with a realistic mindset, rather than all you need to do is find true love and then you will spend the rest of your life with someone you can trust.
Darkslider said:
I had a terrible night last night, I've only been eating a slice of toast a day because I'm so sick,
That is a common symptom I am afraid and one that can last for weeks. Look on it as a great opportunity to lose weight and it will pass, just as has done for innumerable other men before you. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff