Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Fluffsri]

Fluffsri started a new thread
because Mary's little lamb jokes were flowing
Now its moved to pastures new
this thread for proper jokes can keep going.

[Monkeylegend]

Mary had a little lamb
It really was a glutton
Now it's getting on a bit
It's a lamb dressed up as mutton

[bobbo89]

Fluffsri said:

Fluffsri started a new thread
because Mary's little lamb jokes were flowing
Now its moved to pastures new
this thread for proper jokes can keep going.

Thankyou!!

[brrapp]

Mary had a little lamb,
a little pork,
a little ham,
then when she had a little steak,
poor Mary had a tummy ache.

[Monkeylegend]

Mary had a little lamb
It liked to watch the telly
But grumpy Fluffsri made a scene
So we had to give it wellie

[ForZiE23]

Haha some of these are comedy and never heard before!

[The Ferret]

Poor old Fluffsri had enough
So started a new thread
But the mods jumped on it quickly
And now the link is dead

[davhill]

Mary had a little lamb,
it looked like Nigel Farage.
So she trapped it with a running car,
in next door's lock - up garage.

[Monkeylegend]

Mary had a little lamb
She thought she'd name it Fluffsri
He then started another thread
And pissed the Moddies offski

[MartG]

Mary had a little lamb
A scrawny little runt
And every time it was naughty
She slapped it in the face

[Ayahuasca]

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And now he's on the sex offender's register for harassment

[turbobloke]

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
Ten thousand volts went up its bum
And turned its wool to nylon

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
Lots have seen her little lamb
But no-one's seen her bear

[turbobloke]

As Ted was walking by St Paul's
A lady grabbed him by the elbow
She said young man you've found good luck
Come inside and have a sandwich
It won't cost a shilling or even a bob
Depending on the size of your plate
Ted looked for help but no help came
So the lady held his arm again
And asked if he would take a punt
By pushing something up the river
Young Ted said yes all thrilled to bits
And warmly grabbed the lady's hand
She led him to the river bank
And watched Ted as he had a drink
Then darkness fell and the lady said
Sod this for a lark I'm off to bed

[Ayahuasca]

In eighteen hundred and twenty-four *
Mary took a lamb to school
The lamb was after turned to mince
But people have been bleating on about it ever since

• actually 1830 but it doesn't rhyme as much

[kowalski655]

Mary had a little lamb,
its rhyming verses many
But Fluffsri didnt give a fk
Not 1, not 2, nor any

[littleowl]

She was only the book-keepers daughter, but she'd let anyone make an entry.

She was only the butchers daughter, but she knew how to put it on a slab and say 'fillet!'

She was only the dairy farmers daughter from West Yorkshire, but she certainly liked her Udders feeled.

She was only the rear-admirals daughter, but her naval base was often full of recently discharged seamen.

Can I go now?

[MartG]

She was only the radio officer's daughter, but she did-it did-it did-it 'cos her da da did-it

[Evangelion]

She was only the town clerk's daughter, but she let the borough survey 'er.

She was only the colonel's daughter, but she knew what reggie meant.

She was only the gravedigger's daughter, but she'd lie under any old sod.

[TBSC]

She was only the road menders daughter, but she really loved her asphalt.

[john2443]

littleowl said:

She was only the footballers dairy farmers daughter from West Yorkshire, but she certainly liked her Udders feeled and her Arse an' all.

FTFY