Geek Jokes

[geeks]

[ajprice]

Are malachite stalactites that look like this





safe to use as a dildo? A Tumblr discussion, with scientists
https://astolat.tumblr.com/post/144069870158/badsc...

[MartG]

[glenrobbo]

MartG said:

I don't want to be responsible for causing harm to any poor little kittens, but that's not a board, it's several lengths of timber.



Thinking about it, I concede that a board may consist of several planks.

As you were...

Edited by glenrobbo on Friday 11th September 10:33

[ajprice]

glenrobbo said:

MartG said:

I don't want to be responsible for causing harm to any poor little kittens, but that's not a board, it's several lengths of timber.

The timber was beamed up from IKEA with an instruction sheet.

[MartG]

[nonsequitur]

Dr Jekyll said:

Librarian was obviously bored.

That was always bound to be funny.

[Fishlegs]

MartG said:

Early systems used cats, which are more accurate, and less susceptible to jamming, than buttered toast, but must be kept alive in order to land feet-down from a warp jump. Obviously cats can't survive on the exterior of a space craft, so a special box had to be constructed to contain the cat. The only suitable materials which might protect the cat from the harsh radiation effects of deep space were opaque at wavelengths in the visible spectrum. Therefore, a strict inspection schedule dictated that the box must be opened to inspect the condition of the cat prior to all hyperspace jumps. Not only was this impractical in combat situations, this maintenance procedure was found to be fundamentally incompatible with the quantum mechanics of hyperspace travel. It was while pondering this practical issue over a cup of (something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike) tea, that one engineer proposed buttered toast. This was mistakenly understood by the other engineers present to be a solution to the issue at hand, and not, as was actually intended, an offer to serve second breakfast. However, the idea worked and toast became the galactic standard for Downward-vector Orientation Guidance Systems.

Edited by Fishlegs on Friday 11th September 12:08

[smn159]

Always makes me smile... I saw one where the Enterprise had to put itself into geostationary orbit over the southern pole of a planet. It was of course the 'right' way up for the TV, with the planet above it

[Dr Jekyll]

smn159 said:

Always makes me smile... I saw one where the Enterprise had to put itself into geostationary orbit over the southern pole of a planet. It was of course the 'right' way up for the TV, with the planet above it

Geostationary over a pole?

[21st Century Man]

I find it amusing when they're passing through a gaseous cloud or something and you can judge their speed by the passing wake with regard to the length of the vessel (e.g. the opening sequence for Voyager). They might just as well be stationary as 20mph ain't going to get you very far.

[Alex@POD]

Dr Jekyll said:

smn159 said:

Always makes me smile... I saw one where the Enterprise had to put itself into geostationary orbit over the southern pole of a planet. It was of course the 'right' way up for the TV, with the planet above it

Geostationary over a pole?

Spinning like a top I imagine

[RizzoTheRat]

Dr Jekyll said:

smn159 said:

Always makes me smile... I saw one where the Enterprise had to put itself into geostationary orbit over the southern pole of a planet. It was of course the 'right' way up for the TV, with the planet above it

Geostationary over a pole?

Well given that they have artificial gravity presumably it should be possible for them to just hover at a given altitude, in which case it would be easier over a pole than anywhere else

[Dr Jekyll]

RizzoTheRat said:

Dr Jekyll said:

smn159 said:

Always makes me smile... I saw one where the Enterprise had to put itself into geostationary orbit over the southern pole of a planet. It was of course the 'right' way up for the TV, with the planet above it

Geostationary over a pole?

Well given that they have artificial gravity presumably it should be possible for them to just hover at a given altitude, in which case it would be easier over a pole than anywhere else

Not technically an orbit, though, and would confuse the cat.

[sospan]

The engineer who devised the cat in a box method was named Schrodinger, they originally transported the cat into it but were never sure if it arrived ok.

[Clockwork Cupcake]

sospan said:

The engineer who devised the cat in a box method was named Schrodinger, they originally transported the cat into it but were never sure if it arrived ok.

I think most people understood that it was a Shroedinger's cat reference, without you needing to explicitly state it.

[smn159]

Dr Jekyll said:

smn159 said:

Always makes me smile... I saw one where the Enterprise had to put itself into geostationary orbit over the southern pole of a planet. It was of course the 'right' way up for the TV, with the planet above it

Geostationary over a pole?

No eyebrows were raised after the order was given

[Ultra Sound Guy]

[MartG]

[MartG]