Sean Connery Joke (Volume IV)
Discussion
Scouser walks into the jobcentre and informs the woman behind the desk that he is looking for a job.
Woman: Perfect timing. Just had this one come in. Its the minder to a billionaires nymphomaniac teenage daughter. No experience necessary. £100k pa and a Bentley as a company car
Scouse: Youve got to be f
king kidding me!
Wamn: Well you started it.
Woman: Perfect timing. Just had this one come in. Its the minder to a billionaires nymphomaniac teenage daughter. No experience necessary. £100k pa and a Bentley as a company car
Scouse: Youve got to be f
king kidding me!Wamn: Well you started it.
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his
apartment.< BR>
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves int he
bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully
placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put intoo rganizing the display.
There were small bears all along
theb ottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.
They share ab ottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after a while, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips
Her esponds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom< BR>where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.< BR>
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion, morec reativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well,how was it?'
The guy gentlys miles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his
apartment.< BR>
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves int he
bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully
placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put intoo rganizing the display.
There were small bears all along
theb ottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.
They share ab ottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after a while, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips
Her esponds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom< BR>where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.< BR>
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion, morec reativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well,how was it?'
The guy gentlys miles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
You'd save a lot of space if you formatted properly after you pasted! And what's with the <BR> bits?
It was funny BTW!
ETA
Like this.................
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put in to organising the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears.
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
It was funny BTW!
ETA
Like this.................
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put in to organising the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears.
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
Edited by Poledriver on Monday 11th May 14:48
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to
place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack
of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the
sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's
£20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd
any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o
Jasus,'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack
of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the
sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's
£20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd
any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o
Jasus,'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year school children, using a bowl of Fruit Loops, the sweet cereal with the hole in it.
He gave all the children the same kind of loop, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began to say:
'Red............cherry,'
'Yellow.........lemon,'
'Green..........lime,'
Orange ........orange.'
Finally the professor gave them all 'honey' loops.
After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes calls your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and
yelled:
'Oh My God!!!! They're a*se-holes !!'
He gave all the children the same kind of loop, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began to say:
'Red............cherry,'
'Yellow.........lemon,'
'Green..........lime,'
Orange ........orange.'
Finally the professor gave them all 'honey' loops.
After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes calls your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and
yelled:
'Oh My God!!!! They're a*se-holes !!'
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