The thread for puns not jokes...

[paua]

glenrobbo said:

Sean Connery emerged from the waves with blood pouring from a leg wound and said:

"When you shwim in the shea and an eel bitesh your knee, that'sh a Moray!"

Anybody know any Sean Connery jokes?

Well done

[Blatter]

I was going to write a joke about a herb and a fish. But this is neither the thyme nor the plaice.

[Mammasaid]

Blatter said:

I was going to write a joke about a herb and a fish. But this is neither the thyme nor the plaice.

Sage words, Codfather

[Evangelion]

I thought that one fell a bit flat. In fact, it almost floundered.

[ajprice]

Sounds like a load of carp to me.

[nonsequitur]

ajprice said:

Sounds like a load of carp to me.

Speak up, my herring is poor.

[sinbaddio]

Blatter said:

I was going to write a joke about a herb and a fish. But this is neither the thyme nor the plaice.

Fishing for compliments?

[twing]

Making a rod for his own back more like

[nonsequitur]

I'm not at all religious. Thank God.

[twing]

I don’t Adam & eve it!

[davhill]

Recently, the subject of the horsemeat scandal came up.

The old favourites were all on the menu...

Hoof Bourguignon.
Fruits de la Mare.
Mascarpony Cheese.
Triggermisu.
Vegetarian burgers with uniquorn.
My Lidl Pony.
Zebraglioni.

All were boil in the nag, or cook 'til stable
but there was no mention of the healthy option...

No Added Shergar.

Edited by davhill on Tuesday 25th August 04:44

[RDMcG]

I prefer saddle of lamb , perhaps a neighsoise salad. Maybe a Scotch to start. I like Dalwhinny.

[glenrobbo]

RDMcG said:

I prefer saddle of lamb , perhaps a neighsoise salad. Maybe a Scotch to start. I like Dalwhinny.

I don't think you can beat a nice leg of liver.

Or a shoulder of mince.

[RDMcG]

glenrobbo said:

I don't think you can beat a nice leg of liver.

Or a shoulder of mince.

Well I am not much of a high liver. I do like some After Eight Mince after dinner though.

[nonsequitur]

RDMcG said:

glenrobbo said:

I don't think you can beat a nice leg of liver.

Or a shoulder of mince.

Well I am not much of a high liver. I do like some After Eight Mince after dinner though.

Is that northern or southern dinner?

[glenrobbo]

nonsequitur said:

Is that northern or southern dinner?

It depends where you're sitting, NS.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

A pun is not completely matured until it is full groan!

[Evangelion]

I can't watch early Bond films anymore. Do you think I might have the Conneryvirus?

[anonymous-user]

Evangelion said:

I can't watch early Bond films anymore. Do you think I might have the Conneryvirus?

Sounds like you need a good rogering.

[Monkeylegend]

Ingots said:

Evangelion said:

I can't watch early Bond films anymore. Do you think I might have the Conneryvirus?

Sounds like you need a good rogering.

But it is never enough, he always wants moore.