Classic from the Mrs!

[DickyC]

QueenBee said:

Hot water bottle is usually any time of year but at certain times of the famale productive cycle! It helps with cramps. A warm hot water bottle on the box could just mean she ate all the chocolates lol

We're beyond that milestone by some margin.

But thanks.

/oldfolk

[SlackBladder]

Jet washing the patio at the weekend and the extension lead gets a bit of a splattering. So there I am putting it all away and giving the lead a wipe down:-


'Er.......... why don't you just stick it under the tap

[lufbramatt]

griffin dai said:

Another one....new wheels

Her- "Can you look for some wheels for my car..I need 2 new ones"

Me- "Huh??..2 new wheels" (here we go!!)..."yeah ok...what wheels do you want"?

Her- "Oh same ones, I like them but need 2 new front ones, they look flat"

Me- confused look...

Her- "Whats wrong now?...you bought new wheels when you changed yours"

Me- "Because they're a different size, bigger wheels = bigger tyres! I needed different tyres!"

"No no..get the same size, I like them. But I need new wheels"

And on it went....

My wife has a real issue with the whole wheel/tyre thing, despite me having bare alloy wheels and unfitted tyres in the garage to explain the difference to her. Trying to teach her how to mend a flat tyre on her bike, with the added complexity of an inner tube to deal with was exasperating. Even I was confused eventually by her inability to call the relevant parts by the correct names. And yet she has a degree in French and german where accuracy is key!

[Simbu]

Before our forthcoming holiday:

"We need to go to the bureau d'exchange"

"I wish my sunglasses were polaroid"

[Justayellowbadge]

Simbu said:

Before our forthcoming holiday:

"We need to go to the bureau d'exchange"

"I wish my sunglasses were polaroid"

?

[sleep envy]

Simbu said:

Before our forthcoming holiday:

"We need to go to the bureau d'exchange"

"I wish my sunglasses were polaroid"

Delgirl Trotter?

[Hugo a Gogo]

Simbu said:

Before our forthcoming holiday:

"We need to go to the bureau d'exchange"

"I wish my sunglasses were polaroid"

www.polaroideyewear.com

[Simbu]

Hugo a Gogo said:

www.polaroideyewear.com

I wish I could say she was aware of that. She meant polarized.

[Hooli]

griffin dai said:

Bit late to this thread but I've got a few!

Couple years ago we bought a new bed for the spare room, there were just two colour choices, either black or pearl white.

First thing she asked the salesman was
'is that one pearl or white?"
"Its pearl white"
'So it's white'
"Yes pearl white"....missis now has that confussed look on her face and turns to me for guidance.....not happening

'Well which is it pearl or WHITE?'

"madam that bed is PEARL WHITE"

I was enjoying myself so much I just sat there nice & quiet grinning at the salesman! After 4-5 mins of going back and forward trying to explain he was approaching meltdown and eventually gave up, turned to me and offered a £50 discount if I took 'that colour' (points at the white bed!)

Result! 50 quid off & I'm leaving a sofa shop grinning!

[8bit]

lufbramatt said:

griffin dai said:

Another one....new wheels

Her- "Can you look for some wheels for my car..I need 2 new ones"

Me- "Huh??..2 new wheels" (here we go!!)..."yeah ok...what wheels do you want"?

Her- "Oh same ones, I like them but need 2 new front ones, they look flat"

Me- confused look...

Her- "Whats wrong now?...you bought new wheels when you changed yours"

Me- "Because they're a different size, bigger wheels = bigger tyres! I needed different tyres!"

"No no..get the same size, I like them. But I need new wheels"

And on it went....

My wife has a real issue with the whole wheel/tyre thing, despite me having bare alloy wheels and unfitted tyres in the garage to explain the difference to her. Trying to teach her how to mend a flat tyre on her bike, with the added complexity of an inner tube to deal with was exasperating. Even I was confused eventually by her inability to call the relevant parts by the correct names. And yet she has a degree in French and german where accuracy is key!

Not just mine then. We were looking at potential new cars for Mrs. 8bit recently, spotted a white mk2 SEAT Leon. She said "I don't like that one so much, it's got black tyres." "But all tyres are black dear." Cue an argument, she said some are lighter coloured, for some reason I thought she meant vintage white-sidewall tyres off the likes of Cadillacs. Eventually realised she just meant the alloys which were gloss black.

In fairness, the misunderstanding is probably as much down to me as to her...

[blueg33]

8bit said:

Not just mine then. We were looking at potential new cars for Mrs. 8bit recently, spotted a white mk2 SEAT Leon. She said "I don't like that one so much, it's got black tyres." "But all tyres are black dear." Cue an argument, she said some are lighter coloured, for some reason I thought she meant vintage white-sidewall tyres off the likes of Cadillacs. Eventually realised she just meant the alloys which were gloss black.

[b]In fairness, the misunderstanding is probably as much down to me as to her...

[/b]

For gods sake man, don't own up to that!

Conversation with Mrs Blue this morning as she is about to drive off to work

me "one of your brake lights is out, I'll change the bulb this evening
her "its ok, I won't use the brakes"

mmm good luck with that 12 miles down an nsl road, 4 roundabouts, some traffic lights and parking on the 3rd floor of a multistorey

[Ari]

lufbramatt said:

My wife has a real issue with the whole wheel/tyre thing, despite me having bare alloy wheels and unfitted tyres in the garage to explain the difference to her. Trying to teach her how to mend a flat tyre on her bike, with the added complexity of an inner tube to deal with was exasperating. Even I was confused eventually by her inability to call the relevant parts by the correct names. And yet she has a degree in French and german where accuracy is key!

On another forum somewhere in Internetland

Classic from the husband

Yeah, managed to give my stoopid husband the 'dumb blonde' routine. Like I'm going to mend my own bike tyres. Keep a dog and bark myself? I don't think so!

[Previous]

Favourite one is with a girl I used to see;

being sat near Torquay harbour and she looks across Torbay:

"is that France?"

Uh, no dear - you can even see the coast all the way round.

After going back to the car she finds a map (before sat nav / smartphones were widely used)and opens on a page which has a view of the whole of the UK, with major cities marked

"I never knew England had so many Capitals.."

[QueenBee]

lufbramatt said:

griffin dai said:

Another one....new wheels

Her- "Can you look for some wheels for my car..I need 2 new ones"

Me- "Huh??..2 new wheels" (here we go!!)..."yeah ok...what wheels do you want"?

Her- "Oh same ones, I like them but need 2 new front ones, they look flat"

Me- confused look...

Her- "Whats wrong now?...you bought new wheels when you changed yours"

Me- "Because they're a different size, bigger wheels = bigger tyres! I needed different tyres!"

"No no..get the same size, I like them. But I need new wheels"


And on it went....

My wife has a real issue with the whole wheel/tyre thing, despite me having bare alloy wheels and unfitted tyres in the garage to explain the difference to her. Trying to teach her how to mend a flat tyre on her bike, with the added complexity of an inner tube to deal with was exasperating. Even I was confused eventually by her inability to call the relevant parts by the correct names. And yet she has a degree in French and german where accuracy is key!

Well it depends. If she has a third class degree in languages she might as well not have a degree. Most of these degrees mean nothing these days. I know people who pay to have their essays written for them.

[QueenBee]

Hooli said:

griffin dai said:

Bit late to this thread but I've got a few!

Couple years ago we bought a new bed for the spare room, there were just two colour choices, either black or pearl white.

First thing she asked the salesman was
'is that one pearl or white?"
"Its pearl white"
'So it's white'
"Yes pearl white"....missis now has that confussed look on her face and turns to me for guidance.....not happening

'Well which is it pearl or WHITE?'

"madam that bed is PEARL WHITE"

I was enjoying myself so much I just sat there nice & quiet grinning at the salesman! After 4-5 mins of going back and forward trying to explain he was approaching meltdown and eventually gave up, turned to me and offered a £50 discount if I took 'that colour' (points at the white bed!)

Result! 50 quid off & I'm leaving a sofa shop grinning!

I am confused. Which was it? Pearl or White. You are saying he sold you the white bed for £50 less or pointed at it. So was the other bed pearl or white too

[Cotty]

QueenBee said:

I am confused. Which was it? Pearl or White.

Both, unless they had any black pearls

[griffin dai]

QueenBee said:

I am confused. Which was it? Pearl or White. You are saying he sold you the white bed for £50 less or pointed at it. So was the other bed pearl or white too

Christ! Not again!

[lufbramatt]

QueenBee said:

Well it depends. If she has a third class degree in languages she might as well not have a degree. Most of these degrees mean nothing these days. I know people who pay to have their essays written for them.

Well she got a 2:1, and is fluent in both languages. Pretty good considering her mum and nan were both fighting breast cancer at the same time as she was at uni. Sadly her nan lost the fight. So yea, I think her degree is worth it, thanks.

[RobbieKB]

QueenBee said:

Well it depends. If she has a third class degree in languages she might as well not have a degree. Most of these degrees mean nothing these days. I know people who pay to have their essays written for them.

So bored of the degree bashing going on lately. Usually administered by those without degrees, those who didn't get anywhere with their degree through no fault of the qualification, or both.

Edited by RobbieKB on Monday 17th March 23:14

[Ari]

RobbieKB said:

So bored of the degree bashing going on lately. Usually administered by those without degrees, those who didn't get anywhere with their through no fault of the qualification or both.

Anyone?