Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Vipers said:
Woman goes into a fishmongers, and the conversation goes like this.
...
"There won't be any "C. O. F. D. " until tomorrow"
She says "There is no "f" in cod"
He says "That's what I am trying to tell you"
Reminds me of this one:...
"There won't be any "C. O. F. D. " until tomorrow"
She says "There is no "f" in cod"
He says "That's what I am trying to tell you"
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck head to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up?
The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."
"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."
The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up?
The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."
"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."
The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
American joke (apparently)
It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy.
I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!
It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy.
I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!
Vipers said:
American joke (apparently)
It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy.
I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!
It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy.
I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!
I don't usually venture into the lounge so apologies if this is the wrong section but I am looking for relationship advice.
My girlfriend wanted to try and spice up our sex lives and asked me for suggestions,when I said we try anal she almost hit the roof! was saying it would be to sore etc like what the f
k could be sore about wearing a strap-on?
Anyway few days later she came up with her own idea! she suggested that whoever woke up first in the morning would preform oral sex on the other person to wake them up.So I woke up first and again I messed things up as she wasn't best pleased to wake up gagging on my ck
My girlfriend wanted to try and spice up our sex lives and asked me for suggestions,when I said we try anal she almost hit the roof! was saying it would be to sore etc like what the f
k could be sore about wearing a strap-on?Anyway few days later she came up with her own idea! she suggested that whoever woke up first in the morning would preform oral sex on the other person to wake them up.So I woke up first and again I messed things up as she wasn't best pleased to wake up gagging on my c
kcookmysock said:
what's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
once you dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow you around for a week.
once you dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow you around for a week.
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
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