Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Donald Trump takes a trip to Ireland alone. He's looking for a game of golf.
He decides on Killarney and goes into the club.
"Hi guys, I'm here on my own and looking for a really good player to have a round against tomorrow, I mean really good, after all I'm a stable genius and super gifted at everything"
Pat Mc Gillyfray says "If you're really as good as you say then there's only one man you can play and that's Brian O'Fart, he's handicapped at about 3 but plays better than that, here's his number"
Donald calls Brian and asks if he's up for a game
Brian says " I'll be there at nine o'clock but I could be half an hour late, is that OK?"
"No problem" says Donald.
The next morning Brian turns up at 9 o'clock with a bag of left handed clubs and smashes Donald by 6 at the close.
Needless to say Donald was not happy and called for a rematch to which Brian agreed.
"I'll be there at nine o'clock but I could be half an hour late, is that OK?"
"No problem" says Donald.
The next morning Brian turns up at 9 o'clock with a bag of right handed clubs and smashes Donald by 8 at the close.
Donald is not happy.
"I've been off my game, we need one more game tomorrow. By the way, you've played me left hand and beat me, played me right hand and beat me. How do you decide which bag to bring?"
"Well" says Brian, " If the wife is sleeping on her left side, well, I bring the left handed clubs. If she's sleeping on her right side, well then I bring the right handed clubs".
Donald says Well what do you do if she's lying on her back?"
"Then I'll be half an hour late."
He decides on Killarney and goes into the club.
"Hi guys, I'm here on my own and looking for a really good player to have a round against tomorrow, I mean really good, after all I'm a stable genius and super gifted at everything"
Pat Mc Gillyfray says "If you're really as good as you say then there's only one man you can play and that's Brian O'Fart, he's handicapped at about 3 but plays better than that, here's his number"
Donald calls Brian and asks if he's up for a game
Brian says " I'll be there at nine o'clock but I could be half an hour late, is that OK?"
"No problem" says Donald.
The next morning Brian turns up at 9 o'clock with a bag of left handed clubs and smashes Donald by 6 at the close.
Needless to say Donald was not happy and called for a rematch to which Brian agreed.
"I'll be there at nine o'clock but I could be half an hour late, is that OK?"
"No problem" says Donald.
The next morning Brian turns up at 9 o'clock with a bag of right handed clubs and smashes Donald by 8 at the close.
Donald is not happy.
"I've been off my game, we need one more game tomorrow. By the way, you've played me left hand and beat me, played me right hand and beat me. How do you decide which bag to bring?"
"Well" says Brian, " If the wife is sleeping on her left side, well, I bring the left handed clubs. If she's sleeping on her right side, well then I bring the right handed clubs".
Donald says Well what do you do if she's lying on her back?"
"Then I'll be half an hour late."
Woman gets arrested for stealing a tin of pears from a supermarket.
Judge asked why she stole them, she said she was hungry.
Before he sentenced her he asked "How many pears were in the tin"
She said "Six your honour"
The Judge said "In that case I sentence you to six days detention........."
Before he could finish her husband jumped up and said "Excuse me sir, she stole a tin of peas as well"
Judge asked why she stole them, she said she was hungry.
Before he sentenced her he asked "How many pears were in the tin"
She said "Six your honour"
The Judge said "In that case I sentence you to six days detention........."
Before he could finish her husband jumped up and said "Excuse me sir, she stole a tin of peas as well"
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