Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
jr6yam said:
davhill said:
Monkeylegend said:
A lady went to a fancy dress party wearing only a pair of black gloves and socks.
"what have you come as?" asked the host,
She put her arms up in the air and said "The five of clubs"
She must have been either bald, or a....er, ladyshaver. If not, she'd have been the six of clubs."what have you come as?" asked the host,
She put her arms up in the air and said "The five of clubs"
Am I missing something? Or about to be visited by the whoosh parrot!?!
Signs that Winnie The Pooh Characters are on Drugs
1. Eeyore The Donkey doesn't care about anything, has slow reactions and demonstrates a lack of motivation – Marijuana
2. Piglet is afraid of everything and is paranoid of constantly being chased - Mushrooms
3. Rabbit gets into everyone's business and constantly needs everything – Cocaine
4. Tiger can not calm down, bounces all the time and is never tired - Ecstasy
5. Christopher Robin can talk to animals – Hallucinogenics
6. Pooh Bear loves sweets and has the wildest of imaginations – LSD
7. Owl is always there to help anyone who needs help – Dealer!!
1. Eeyore The Donkey doesn't care about anything, has slow reactions and demonstrates a lack of motivation – Marijuana
2. Piglet is afraid of everything and is paranoid of constantly being chased - Mushrooms
3. Rabbit gets into everyone's business and constantly needs everything – Cocaine
4. Tiger can not calm down, bounces all the time and is never tired - Ecstasy
5. Christopher Robin can talk to animals – Hallucinogenics
6. Pooh Bear loves sweets and has the wildest of imaginations – LSD
7. Owl is always there to help anyone who needs help – Dealer!!
kowalski655 said:
jr6yam said:
davhill said:
Monkeylegend said:
A lady went to a fancy dress party wearing only a pair of black gloves and socks.
"what have you come as?" asked the host,
She put her arms up in the air and said "The five of clubs"
She must have been either bald, or a....er, ladyshaver. If not, she'd have been the six of clubs."what have you come as?" asked the host,
She put her arms up in the air and said "The five of clubs"
Am I missing something? Or about to be visited by the whoosh parrot!?!
Some on here just can't help themselves
Monkeylegend said:
kowalski655 said:
jr6yam said:
davhill said:
Monkeylegend said:
A lady went to a fancy dress party wearing only a pair of black gloves and socks.
"what have you come as?" asked the host,
She put her arms up in the air and said "The five of clubs"
She must have been either bald, or a....er, ladyshaver. If not, she'd have been the six of clubs."what have you come as?" asked the host,
She put her arms up in the air and said "The five of clubs"
Am I missing something? Or about to be visited by the whoosh parrot!?!
Some on here just can't help themselves
A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes, but doesnt fancy any. he looks across at the tank of fish. There, languishing at the back is a funny looking squid with facial hair. it had been there for years because nobody wanted it. Over time, the staff had become quite attached to it.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man.
"Okay." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!!"
A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face.
Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.
"Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"
The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show...
...
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. with mild green, hairy lip squid
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man.
"Okay." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!!"
A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face.
Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.
"Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"
The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show...
...
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. with mild green, hairy lip squid
Edited by bencollins on Saturday 25th July 20:05
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