Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
GloverMart said:
Old trucker sitting in a motorway cafe enjoying his breakfast.
A bunch of hairy bikers come, one goes over to the trucker and takes a sausage from his plate.
The trucker says nothing.
Another biker walks over and takes another sausage.
The trucker says nothing.
Another biker walks over, picks up his toast, dunks it in his tea.
The trucker says nothing. Eventually the trucker leaves.
One of the bikers says to the guy behind the counter "Did you see what we did, he wasn't much of a man to say nothing"
Guy behind the counter says "He isn't much of a trucker either."
Biker says "Why do you say that?"
Guy behind the counter says, "We'll he just reversed over a bunch of bikes out there"
Copyright Smokey and the Bandit, 1977A bunch of hairy bikers come, one goes over to the trucker and takes a sausage from his plate.
The trucker says nothing.
Another biker walks over and takes another sausage.
The trucker says nothing.
Another biker walks over, picks up his toast, dunks it in his tea.
The trucker says nothing. Eventually the trucker leaves.
One of the bikers says to the guy behind the counter "Did you see what we did, he wasn't much of a man to say nothing"
Guy behind the counter says "He isn't much of a trucker either."
Biker says "Why do you say that?"
Guy behind the counter says, "We'll he just reversed over a bunch of bikes out there"
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Wacky Racer said:
Young girl went to the doctors with a chesty cough, so the doctor reached for his stethascope and said:-
"Right, big breaths"
"Yeth, and I'm not thixsteen yet"..
Richard Gordon, c. 1955"Right, big breaths"
"Yeth, and I'm not thixsteen yet"..
"Just a little prick with a needle"
"I know you are, but what are you going to do with it"
Joan Rivers, but it is the type of conversation that Dr Richard Sparrow could have had.
V6 Pushfit said:
rayny said:
Also:
"Just a little prick with a needle"
"I know you are, but what are you going to do with it"
Joan Rivers, but it is the type of conversation that Dr Richard Sparrow could have had.
The original probably dates to Victorian times…"Just a little prick with a needle"
"I know you are, but what are you going to do with it"
Joan Rivers, but it is the type of conversation that Dr Richard Sparrow could have had.
V6 Pushfit said:
‘….but that’s half an arm full’ ….
Always raises a smile.
Tony Hancock.
The line was originally to be Always raises a smile.
Tony Hancock.
" A Pint? That's nearly an armful! "
But Galton & Simpson both agreed that adding 'Very' just made it funnier - for reasons that neither of them could explain. But they were right
" A pint? That's very nearly an armful! "
Three inmates were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Picasso of the Jail."
Then he asked the second, "What did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Picasso of the Jail."
Then he asked the second, "What did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
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