Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[Laurel Green]

How did the mollusc get into college?

He won a scallopship.

[soad]

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A shell? Another marine creature?
NO, a nervous wreck.

[YankeePorker]

How do you circumcise a whale?
Send down four skin divers.....

[Jasandjules]

LordHaveMurci said:

Somebody watched Duck quacks last night.

Or Mock the Week...

[Caruso]

soad said:

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A shell? Another marine creature?
NO, a nervous wreck.

Somebody's opened their Christmas cracker early!

[Halmyre]

Caruso said:

soad said:

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A shell? Another marine creature?
NO, a nervous wreck.

Somebody's opened their Christmas cracker early!

Or fifty years late.

[LordHaveMurci]

Jasandjules said:

LordHaveMurci said:

Somebody watched Duck quacks last night.

Or Mock the Week...

Yeah, or that

[BigMacDaddy]

Spanglepants said:

How about instead of dick head comments someone explains why this happens, you know it wouldn't be done on purpose.

Kaj91 said:

It wasn't funny the last time you posted it either.

Vaud said:

Stop it now... pressing "back" on your browser is reposting the joke.

BigMacDaddy said:

Yeah but seriously, how many double-posts?
Now the thread needs pruning.

Err, hold on. My dhead comment was a legitimate fruit-based pun I'll have you know!

[Halmyre]

BigMacDaddy said:

Spanglepants said:

How about instead of dick head comments someone explains why this happens, you know it wouldn't be done on purpose.

Kaj91 said:

It wasn't funny the last time you posted it either.

Vaud said:

Stop it now... pressing "back" on your browser is reposting the joke.

BigMacDaddy said:

Yeah but seriously, how many double-posts?
Now the thread needs pruning.

Err, hold on. My dhead comment was a legitimate fruit-based pun I'll have you know!

'Pruning' isn't solely a fruit-based activity. I have pruned (experts might say viciously hacked, but never mind) all sorts of bushes (stop sniggering at the back).

[Evangelion]

Halmyre said:

'Pruning' isn't solely a fruit-based activity. I have pruned (experts might say viciously hacked, but never mind) all sorts of bushes (stop sniggering at the back).

Yes, but a 'prune' is a fruit is it not?

[Halmyre]

Evangelion said:

Halmyre said:

'Pruning' isn't solely a fruit-based activity. I have pruned (experts might say viciously hacked, but never mind) all sorts of bushes (stop sniggering at the back).

Yes, but a 'prune' is a fruit is it not?

[Spanglepants]

Sorry, missed that

BigMacDaddy said:

Spanglepants said:

How about instead of dick head comments someone explains why this happens, you know it wouldn't be done on purpose.

Kaj91 said:

It wasn't funny the last time you posted it either.

Vaud said:

Stop it now... pressing "back" on your browser is reposting the joke.

BigMacDaddy said:

Yeah but seriously, how many double-posts?
Now the thread needs pruning.

Err, hold on. My dhead comment was a legitimate fruit-based pun I'll have you know!

[BigMacDaddy]

Spanglepants said:

Sorry, missed that

No worries, at least now I can tick off the "contribute a st joke to the joke thread that no-one gets" box on my bucket list

Edited by BigMacDaddy on Wednesday 30th September 10:44

[Silver Smudger]

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

He clips it.

[schmunk]

Silver Smudger said:

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

He clips it.

Blimey, that hair grows back quickly...

[ApOrbital]

[MartG]

What video game would Adolf Hitler play ?

Mein Kraft

[grumpy52]

I went to see a hypnotist show last night , he got seven blokes on stage and hypnotised all of them at once as he turned to the audience he got the microphone stand right in his eye ,he exclaimed "Fu#k Me" ,what happened next will stay with me for the rest of my life !

[LordGrover]

Lucky he didn't say 'bugger me' then.

[Halmyre]

MartG said:

What video game would Adolf Hitler play ?

Mein Kraft

Groan, that is the pits.