Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Man wants a parrot, goes to the pet shop, they say they only have one and its not up to much, but he can have it cheap.
He says, "I want a parrot not a budgie".
The buyer is not so clever.
"No" says the shopkeeper "I mean I would let you have it for not much money, on account of its legs"
"Whats up wi legs then?"
"He hasnt got any, Mother Nature has developed a special helping hand for the parrot, he has a prehensile willy."
"Eh? Come again."
"Well I would but I dont close while 6".
"The parrot wraps its willy round the perch and holds on".
"Ok" says the bloke, "but is it clever and can it talk?"
"Sir, you will find that it is your equal".
He paid his money. Took the bird home, sat it on its perch and said, "ok Polly, I am going out but when I get back I want you to tell me everything that goes on".
The bird says, "Will I get a cracker?"
"Aye, you can have your own at Christmas"
'kin 'ell, thought Polly.
When he came home, he said to Polly, "Whats been happening like?"
"Five minutes after you left there was a knock on the door"
"Go on"
"A man came in and started kissing your wife"
"Go on"
"He took her dress off and laid her down on the carpet just in front of me"
"Go on, what happened next?"
"Dunno, I fell off my perch".
He says, "I want a parrot not a budgie".
The buyer is not so clever.
"No" says the shopkeeper "I mean I would let you have it for not much money, on account of its legs"
"Whats up wi legs then?"
"He hasnt got any, Mother Nature has developed a special helping hand for the parrot, he has a prehensile willy."
"Eh? Come again."
"Well I would but I dont close while 6".
"The parrot wraps its willy round the perch and holds on".
"Ok" says the bloke, "but is it clever and can it talk?"
"Sir, you will find that it is your equal".
He paid his money. Took the bird home, sat it on its perch and said, "ok Polly, I am going out but when I get back I want you to tell me everything that goes on".
The bird says, "Will I get a cracker?"
"Aye, you can have your own at Christmas"
'kin 'ell, thought Polly.
When he came home, he said to Polly, "Whats been happening like?"
"Five minutes after you left there was a knock on the door"
"Go on"
"A man came in and started kissing your wife"
"Go on"
"He took her dress off and laid her down on the carpet just in front of me"
"Go on, what happened next?"
"Dunno, I fell off my perch".
Robbo 27 said:
Man wants a parrot, goes to the pet shop, they say they only have one and its not up to much, but he can have it cheap.
He says, "I want a parrot not a budgie".
The buyer is not so clever.
"No" says the shopkeeper "I mean I would let you have it for not much money, on account of its legs"
"Whats up wi legs then?"
"He hasnt got any, Mother Nature has developed a special helping hand for the parrot, he has a prehensile willy."
"Eh? Come again."
"Well I would but I dont close while 6".
"The parrot wraps its willy round the perch and holds on".
"Ok" says the bloke, "but is it clever and can it talk?"
"Sir, you will find that it is your equal".
He paid his money. Took the bird home, sat it on its perch and said, "ok Polly, I am going out but when I get back I want you to tell me everything that goes on".
The bird says, "Will I get a cracker?"
"Aye, you can have your own at Christmas"
'kin 'ell, thought Polly.
When he came home, he said to Polly, "Whats been happening like?"
"Five minutes after you left there was a knock on the door"
"Go on"
"A man came in and started kissing your wife"
"Go on"
"He took her dress off and laid her down on the carpet just in front of me"
"Go on, what happened next?"
"Dunno, I fell off my perch".
He says, "I want a parrot not a budgie".
The buyer is not so clever.
"No" says the shopkeeper "I mean I would let you have it for not much money, on account of its legs"
"Whats up wi legs then?"
"He hasnt got any, Mother Nature has developed a special helping hand for the parrot, he has a prehensile willy."
"Eh? Come again."
"Well I would but I dont close while 6".
"The parrot wraps its willy round the perch and holds on".
"Ok" says the bloke, "but is it clever and can it talk?"
"Sir, you will find that it is your equal".
He paid his money. Took the bird home, sat it on its perch and said, "ok Polly, I am going out but when I get back I want you to tell me everything that goes on".
The bird says, "Will I get a cracker?"
"Aye, you can have your own at Christmas"
'kin 'ell, thought Polly.
When he came home, he said to Polly, "Whats been happening like?"
"Five minutes after you left there was a knock on the door"
"Go on"
"A man came in and started kissing your wife"
"Go on"
"He took her dress off and laid her down on the carpet just in front of me"
"Go on, what happened next?"
"Dunno, I fell off my perch".
AndyDubbya said:
Vipers said:
I told my friend I liked Beyonce.
He said, 'Whatever floats your boat'.
I said 'NO, that's buoyancy'.
Which reminds me of an old one...He said, 'Whatever floats your boat'.
I said 'NO, that's buoyancy'.
How do you tell the sex of an ant?
Drop it in water. If it floats - boy ant.
Put in a shallow bowel of flour and wait till it farts.
Vipers said:
AndyDubbya said:
Vipers said:
I told my friend I liked Beyonce.
He said, 'Whatever floats your boat'.
I said 'NO, that's buoyancy'.
Which reminds me of an old one...He said, 'Whatever floats your boat'.
I said 'NO, that's buoyancy'.
How do you tell the sex of an ant?
Drop it in water. If it floats - boy ant.
Put in a shallow bowel of flour and wait till it farts.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff