Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Doofus]

Did you hear the one about the taxi driver who couldn't tell a joke?



Too soon?

[GOATever]

Doofus said:

Did you hear the one about the taxi driver who couldn't tell a joke?



Too soon?

Candy man candy man candy man

[Doofus]

GOATever said:

Doofus said:

Did you hear the one about the taxi driver who couldn't tell a joke?



Too soon?

Candy man candy man candy man

That would usually summon him, but he's got lost on the wrong side of the river.

[Lily the Pink]

Doofus said:

Did you hear the one about the taxi driver who couldn't tell a joke?



Too soon?

[Lordbenny]

I know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas.....

I felt his presence!

[anonymous-user]

Two nuns in the bath

One says where’s the soap

The other one says yes it does

[Sticks.]

Was Captain Hook the first man to sail around the world single handed?

[anonymous-user]

What the difference between a baby and a seagull?

A seagull flits across the shore

[Evangelion]

What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?



One shoots and can't hit ...

[anonymous-user]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician.

He worked it out with a pencil and paper.

[Evangelion]

What's the difference between a 5-kilometre run and Gordon Ramsay?



One's a pant in the country ...

[anonymous-user]

Evangelion said:

What's the difference between a 5-kilometre run and Gordon Ramsay?



One's a pant in the country ...

Hahaaaaa!

[anonymous-user]

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a spot

A spot will wait until you’re sixteen before it comes on your face.

[Laurel Green]

Evangelion said:

What's the difference between a 5-kilometre run and Gordon Ramsay?



One's a pant in the country ...

V6 Pushfit said:

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a spot

A spot will wait until you’re sixteen before it comes on your face.

A well earned chortle there!

[Sticks.]

My wife was reading some of her quiz questions out of Cosmo, and she turned to me and asked, "Have you ever had sex with a fat woman?"

She said it with a straight face too.

[Laurel Green]

Don't get your hopes up, folks.

[daqinggegg]

Little Sarah came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother. "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sarah went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut"

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sarah's Mum asked, "Really small was it?"

Sarah replied, "No...salty

[Trophy Husband]

"There's been a fire at Tesco"
"Has there?"
"No, Tesco"

[Wacky Racer]

Trophy Husband said:

"There's been a fire at Tesco"
"Has there?"
"No, Tesco"

Don't call us, we'll call you.

[Lily the Pink]

Trophy Husband said:

"There's been a fire at Tesco"
"Has there?"
"No, Tesco"

Nope, need help with that. Does it need to be said in a particular accent maybe ?