Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce.
The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser out there wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager saw the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"
"Originally from Essex sir", the boy replied.
"Why did you leave Essex?", the manager asked.
The boy answered, "Sir there's nothing but w
es and footballers there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."
"No st!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"
The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser out there wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager saw the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"
"Originally from Essex sir", the boy replied.
"Why did you leave Essex?", the manager asked.
The boy answered, "Sir there's nothing but w
es and footballers there.""Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."
"No s
t!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"Chap is in a car park and an attractive blonde starts waving at him and calling his name. She comes over to him and hes taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”
“Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The guy’s mind travels back to the last time he was unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the titty bar party that I shagged senseless on the pool table and then took you to the VIP room to snort coke and carry on while watching a porn film ???”
......
.....
“No, I’m your son’s teacher”
“Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The guy’s mind travels back to the last time he was unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the titty bar party that I shagged senseless on the pool table and then took you to the VIP room to snort coke and carry on while watching a porn film ???”
......
.....
“No, I’m your son’s teacher”
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff