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It must be so much harder when there is a family involved, I was only seeing my ex for 10 months and only 5 months of that was serious and living togther. Really feel for you both Fin/Croyde.
Been sobering reading about things going wrong after so long with a girl and with kids too.
Then you have a good evening with friends, or even just start worrying about something daft and think about something else even for a few seconds. It get's easier but you will still end up back there - just less and less.
I've been trying to avoid being on my own to avoid dwelling on things and at least when I'm with mates I can vent things out rather than holding them in.
Women seem to deal with breakups so much more easly than guys; couple of weeks and then they are back on their feet and often shacked up with their next victim.
Going out on dates with nice girls doesn't fill the gap a relationship leaves behind; but when you start really enjoying the company of other girls it helps you stop fixating on the last one so much.
I think allot of life is a self fulfilling prophecy - if you keep telling yourself you won't be happy again or meet anyone who'll you'll be happy with then that's what will happen.
Give yourself time to grieve but life is not supposed to be spent living in the past, however great it once was.
Been sobering reading about things going wrong after so long with a girl and with kids too.
fin racer said:
Mostly its the feeling of being completely adrift. I know it takes a while to get back in the saddle and get the confidence back, but until that time I have no desire to start again with anyone, even a f
k buddy. Is that normal?.
Sounds normal to me. There are stages to it, the first is just being totally messed up. Might last weeks, months or longer. Can't think about anything else, nothing makes you laugh or gets you excited. You just need to get through it. k buddy. Is that normal?.Then you have a good evening with friends, or even just start worrying about something daft and think about something else even for a few seconds. It get's easier but you will still end up back there - just less and less.
I've been trying to avoid being on my own to avoid dwelling on things and at least when I'm with mates I can vent things out rather than holding them in.
Women seem to deal with breakups so much more easly than guys; couple of weeks and then they are back on their feet and often shacked up with their next victim.
Going out on dates with nice girls doesn't fill the gap a relationship leaves behind; but when you start really enjoying the company of other girls it helps you stop fixating on the last one so much.
I think allot of life is a self fulfilling prophecy - if you keep telling yourself you won't be happy again or meet anyone who'll you'll be happy with then that's what will happen.
Give yourself time to grieve but life is not supposed to be spent living in the past, however great it once was.
Edited by CountZero23 on Monday 22 December 16:11
Gretchen said:
CountZero23 said:
Maybe #1 would be a better option if you're looking for a dining companion?
Having chat with the 22 year old I was seeing before my ex, she's over in Ireland now but seems up for paying me a visit.
To be fair if the age gap wasn't so daft she might be a serious contender.
Having chat with the 22 year old I was seeing before my ex, she's over in Ireland now but seems up for paying me a visit.
To be fair if the age gap wasn't so daft she might be a serious contender.
- 2 - yawn, no wonder you lot are single!
- 1 - less time in the kitchen more time in the bedroom.
Guys, hearing your stories is bloody awfull. Really do wish you both the best this christmas.
Honestly there are other girls out there that will put a smile on your face, though it's bloody tough after having gone through the mill.
That said you both sound like decent, smart guys. Is it fair to deprive all the single ladies who are looking for some one just like you of your company?
snood said:
Well thanks! I appreciate the sentiment and I'm sure my fellow rejectee(s) feel the same.
Someone else asked me if I plan to start dating. Perhaps surprisingly given what's happened, I enjoy the company of women. However, I still have to get past the once-bitten-twice-shy effect. I'm not turning ghey but I don't think letting a woman get too close is likely, for a while at least.
Paradoxically, I'm kind of in touch with a woman from my past. We were a couple for two years in the mid-70s. Like a total eejit, I dumped her for wife 1, who played away...and I've told you about wife 2. My old flame is married, with adult family. Didn't stop us meeting up for a catch-up (after 39 years!). Moreover, I'm no home wrecker, and she's too level - headed to make a silly mistake.
Best of, to all with issues. 'Tis Christmas, after all.
Alway's good meeting up with decent girls to remind you they are out there - even if you did dump them Someone else asked me if I plan to start dating. Perhaps surprisingly given what's happened, I enjoy the company of women. However, I still have to get past the once-bitten-twice-shy effect. I'm not turning ghey but I don't think letting a woman get too close is likely, for a while at least.
Paradoxically, I'm kind of in touch with a woman from my past. We were a couple for two years in the mid-70s. Like a total eejit, I dumped her for wife 1, who played away...and I've told you about wife 2. My old flame is married, with adult family. Didn't stop us meeting up for a catch-up (after 39 years!). Moreover, I'm no home wrecker, and she's too level - headed to make a silly mistake.
Best of, to all with issues. 'Tis Christmas, after all.
Made that mistake myself with a lovelly girl, swapped her for an absolute nutter. Would probably be happily married and settled if I'd stuck with her. Still you don't get through life without making a few epic cock-ups.
Had the ex over to drop off the car which I lent her to go and visit her dad, all the thanks I got was a tirade of how crap her life is and drama over money, friends, family, job etc...
I really am being a numpty by being so 'nice' (pushover).
Still got a lovelly girl coming over tonight who I met on the weekend, smart, level headed, same sense of humour and as much of a wino as me so can't feel too bad.
Does feel a bit odd hanging out so soon after splitting, hope this doesn't end in some rebound fireball!
Right now I've just got to find a way of hiding the fact I've still got all my ex's stuff here as she's still sofa surfing and cocking her life up as per...
Likewise - happpy Christmas to you and everyone else who are still getting over someone.
Edited by CountZero23 on Tuesday 23 December 16:55
snood said:
Mine went to ground over three months ago. Couple of chance meetings in town; otherwise, no contact except via solicitors and e-mails concerning the joint business.
I've been pulled up for being too 'nice' in the past. Then again, I've had the other thing too. It's called you can't win
I hope you have/had a pleasant interlude with the lovely girl. I've stopped boring others with tales of my ex. She chose to light out, therefore she isn't worthy of consideration. Polite, cold and formal works a treat
So here it (nearly) is, Merry (free) Christmas
Cheers snood, had a really great time with the new lass. Little conflicted between being quite excited about the new girl and still not over the ex. New lady is off on holiday for 3 weeks so hoping I'm all sorted by then I've been pulled up for being too 'nice' in the past. Then again, I've had the other thing too. It's called you can't win
I hope you have/had a pleasant interlude with the lovely girl. I've stopped boring others with tales of my ex. She chose to light out, therefore she isn't worthy of consideration. Polite, cold and formal works a treat
So here it (nearly) is, Merry (free) Christmas
olly22n said:
No. Just be who you are and remember where the line is.
Happy Christmas ( coming from someone who did 6 months with the (now ex) wife while the house sold)
Thanks fella, had a few weeks of living with the ex and that was difficult to say the least. Dropped her off at her dads place for Christmas and was easier than I thought it would be. Really need a clean break and made it clear I need a good few months. Fresh start for 2015 Happy Christmas ( coming from someone who did 6 months with the (now ex) wife while the house sold)
StuntmanMike said:
I made this mistake in the 90s, you need to toughen up a bit and tell the ex to sling her hook.
Seriously you will not move until she stops popping back, think of it as picking a scab.
Good advice, feeling pretty ok now though when I do have to see her it pulls me back in again. Seriously you will not move until she stops popping back, think of it as picking a scab.
Really appreciate all your posts, happy christmas guys!
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