Match.com (Vol. 7)
Discussion
She was nice - a new one on me... we met at an outlet store! She looked like she did in her photos, but we'd also been FaceTiming A LOT so that was to be expected. Had a little wonder round the shops before grabbing a coffee. Then we had another little wonder around and decided to grab a glass of wine - turns out that the licensing meant we had to have food if we wanted wine, not a big problem as it was lunchtime. To round it all off she paid which was a nice surprise.
GreatGranny said:
BunkMoreland said:
(Like loads of people on here) I am out of the home for a huge chunk of my work day. Nearly 12 hours. I don't want to add on an hour or so commuting to see someone. I therefore limit myself to 10 miles. An event 14 miles away could have people attending from 10+ miles the other side. It would be most frustrating to meet someone and get on, only to find they live 30+ miles away.
In terms of the apps, I recently found myself bored, so reactivated my Hinge account, put up a couple new recent photos and rejigged my prompts. Sent a couple of the free "roses" to ladies who I seemed to have stuff in common with, sent some likes to a few others. Got ZERO responses.
Received a few "likes" from women that I have no interest in whatsoever. Its not just that these women are not ascetically pleasing. Its that they have zero in common with me so what's the point.*
And I've now re-paused the app as it is, and always will be, a waste of time for me! The absolute definition of insanity
*I don't expect much. Though maybe others will point out my 4 things ARE expecting too much.
My Hard rules are
1) No kids from previous relationships
2) Be regularly active. As in 3+ times a week at whatever you're into.
3) No drugs
4) Not be politically left leaning.
Preferences, but not deal breakers
Be 5'7+, as I'm 6'1
Not still live with their parents. This is surprisingly uncommon! Also I find the same women have zero savings and no ability or intention to move out! Despite being well into their mid 30s or beyond
Everything else is up for discussion as we go.
Hopefully you look like a young Paul Newman with those 'Hard' rules In terms of the apps, I recently found myself bored, so reactivated my Hinge account, put up a couple new recent photos and rejigged my prompts. Sent a couple of the free "roses" to ladies who I seemed to have stuff in common with, sent some likes to a few others. Got ZERO responses.
Received a few "likes" from women that I have no interest in whatsoever. Its not just that these women are not ascetically pleasing. Its that they have zero in common with me so what's the point.*
And I've now re-paused the app as it is, and always will be, a waste of time for me! The absolute definition of insanity
*I don't expect much. Though maybe others will point out my 4 things ARE expecting too much.
My Hard rules are
1) No kids from previous relationships
2) Be regularly active. As in 3+ times a week at whatever you're into.
3) No drugs
4) Not be politically left leaning.
Preferences, but not deal breakers
Be 5'7+, as I'm 6'1
Not still live with their parents. This is surprisingly uncommon! Also I find the same women have zero savings and no ability or intention to move out! Despite being well into their mid 30s or beyond
Everything else is up for discussion as we go.
asfault said:
He's 6"1 so as long as he hasn't the face of a 3 day past its best ripe avocado and reasonable weight he's won more than half the battle to land at least a 7
Whilst I understand women want a guy that's tall. And I see "over 6ft as I like my heels" on hundreds of profilesI don't think that my height has made any difference for me personally. I'm certainly not inundated with offers or admiring glances when out and about. And that's been the case throughout my life. I've begun to ponder whether I give off a creepy/weird/odd vibe* inadvertently. I wondered if something about the way I walk, talk or even my mannerisms are off-putting.
I doubt any lady will ever let me in on it, so I could correct it.
Using my own scale. I must be about a 5. Until I move or speak, at which point I become a 4. I'm not even sure that winning millions of pounds would elevate me significantly. What's that phrase? "if your rich enough, you're handsome enough"
*I mean I am a bit weird. my combination of interests and opinions are such, but aren't we all?
BunkMoreland said:
I've begun to ponder whether I give off a creepy/weird/odd vibe* inadvertently. I wondered if something about the way I walk, talk or even my mannerisms are off-putting.
I doubt any lady will ever let me in on it, so I could correct it.
*I mean I am a bit weird. my combination of interests and opinions are such, but aren't we all?
At least you are showing some self-awareness. A lady may not tell you but ask some male friends.I doubt any lady will ever let me in on it, so I could correct it.
*I mean I am a bit weird. my combination of interests and opinions are such, but aren't we all?
Do you think you are socially or conversationally awkward?
What weird interests or opinions ?
Dude, you are off to a flying start with being over 6ft, and there are things you can do to enhance yourself, such as being in proportion to that height, so get in shape if you are not, decent haircut or shave it all off if you are thinning, if you are no Brad Pitt then grow a short beard if you can. Dress well, you can kit yourself out for a date in Primark for not a lot if you are short of cash.
However outside of that, be who you are comfortable being, don't change who you are and wear a mask for dating, you will only be able to keep it up for so long.
As already pointed out, the first step is being self aware of your individuality and maybe chip off some of the hard edges, and watch all the you tube vids you can about body language and mirroring, teach yourself such and then just go out there and practice. One I tried out for the first time last weekend in a purely social setting was casually looking into the right eye of the person you are chatting to rather than straight on, it really does work, without her even knowing me we chatted for ages, something I normally struggle with when meeting new people
As they say, you miss 100% of all the shots you never take, so nothing to lose.
You clearly want someone in your life, and we only get one lap at it.
Be mindful that online dating is not a reflection of all the singles out there, it is a heavy concentration of a certain type (all my good online relationships were with girls who only lasted a week online before quitting and never going back, I managed to catch them in the first few days, most, bar one are still friends even after it ended), and the reality is that men only ever punch above their weight when they get to know such girls in the real world where their qualities shine through over time, such as at school or in the workplace etc it rarely if ever happens online, where it is all about instant looks to get past being ignored by the vast majority.
The sun is finally shining, and the online ladies are now coming out of hibernation again, get on Hinge, be prepared to travel for a date and go for it.
However outside of that, be who you are comfortable being, don't change who you are and wear a mask for dating, you will only be able to keep it up for so long.
As already pointed out, the first step is being self aware of your individuality and maybe chip off some of the hard edges, and watch all the you tube vids you can about body language and mirroring, teach yourself such and then just go out there and practice. One I tried out for the first time last weekend in a purely social setting was casually looking into the right eye of the person you are chatting to rather than straight on, it really does work, without her even knowing me we chatted for ages, something I normally struggle with when meeting new people
As they say, you miss 100% of all the shots you never take, so nothing to lose.
You clearly want someone in your life, and we only get one lap at it.
Be mindful that online dating is not a reflection of all the singles out there, it is a heavy concentration of a certain type (all my good online relationships were with girls who only lasted a week online before quitting and never going back, I managed to catch them in the first few days, most, bar one are still friends even after it ended), and the reality is that men only ever punch above their weight when they get to know such girls in the real world where their qualities shine through over time, such as at school or in the workplace etc it rarely if ever happens online, where it is all about instant looks to get past being ignored by the vast majority.
The sun is finally shining, and the online ladies are now coming out of hibernation again, get on Hinge, be prepared to travel for a date and go for it.
Edited by PAUL.S. on Saturday 11th May 11:04
Petrus1983 said:
PAUL.S. said:
When they insist of paying it normally means I find they have already decided there is not going to be a second date and feel guilty for stringing you along.
Normally I'd agree but no chance this time. Fermit said:
Yes, this is often the case, put Petrus is worldly enough to know when it's not so.
For sure - I know when it's not going to work out and 99% of the time it's mutual. With this scenario she changed a lot of plans to see me before she went on holiday and we've been speaking a lot whilst she's away and looking forward to the weekend ahead. Eta - I did find out her ex it out there with her which is a bit of a nuisance tbh. It makes sense (he's the kids dad) but she went out of her way to hide it from me and I found out when she was tipsy.
Edited by Petrus1983 on Tuesday 14th May 15:11
BunkMoreland said:
Using my own scale. I must be about a 5. Until I move or speak, at which point I become a 4.
According to the manosphere (also known as incels by a lot of people on this thread) men fit into one of three groups1)Chad - Men with good looks and confidence who most women find attractive. 8 and above. You will find it easy to get dates and hookups from online dating. Women are friendly towards you and happy to chat, you will find it easy to pickup women in bars.
2)Normies - Men who are a 5 to 7 on the looks scale. A 7 will be able to get attention, albeit not in the same league as a chad. sixes and definitely fives will struggle to get any attention on the dating apps.
3)Sub 5 - As the name suggests, under five on the looks scale, completely invisible to virtually all women. Zero attention on any dating apps, women won't want to talk to you and if you do try and start a conversation will consider it "creepy"
Petrus1983 said:
Fermit said:
Yes, this is often the case, put Petrus is worldly enough to know when it's not so.
For sure - I know when it's not going to work out and 99% of the time it's mutual. With this scenario she changed a lot of plans to see me before she went on holiday and we've been speaking a lot whilst she's away and looking forward to the weekend ahead. Eta - I did find out her ex it out there with her which is a bit of a nuisance tbh. It makes sense (he's the kids dad) but she went out of her way to hide it from me and I found out when she was tipsy.
Edited by Petrus1983 on Tuesday 14th May 15:11
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