The PH thread of things you don't say to your missus.

[snowy slopes]

Always, always pay attention when clothes shopping with the OH, never get distracted and start surfing the net on your smart phone, or this could lead to you saying yes, or no, in entirely the wrong place.

Mrs Slopes, trying on new clothes, turns to much harrassed snowy, who isnt really listening, and saying yes and no in what he hopes are the right places in the conversation

"Do i look a bit fat in this snowy??"

"yes"

I don't think she has forgiven me for that one yet, and it was months ago

[Alfa numeric]

We're sat on the sofa last Sunday, me watching the BTCC whilst she has her laptop out looking at splashbacks for the kitchen.

Apparently asking her to wait five laps before I'll look at them with her was the wrong thing to say.

[Council Baby]

I found that after a long a frustrating period of bedroom inactivity a good way to put the nail in the coffin after 10 years is to issue the ultimatum - "Put out or get out".

I ended up in a hotel for about 2 months while she "got around to" the getting out part of it.

[sleep envy]

garycat said:

During an arguement with my wife I pointed out her grammatical misuse of "imply" vs "infer", but did she thank me? No. It just seemed to make things worse.

I've done that (not correcting your wife during an argument), only to be accused of being a 'fking pedant'

it did, however, make her lose her train of thought

[Flintstone]

skinhead85 said:

i work 12 hour shifts and this month im only having the 4 days off to make sure that the roof over our head is paid for the car is taxed insured and has petrol in the tank and due to her just recently becoming redundant due to the company she worked for goin out of buisness i have to make sure there is food in the kitchen aswell. so i do believe on my day off i am entitled to do as i please with it. it may not be your cup of tea but this is what i wanted to do on that day

Miguel Alvarez said:

...point plank...

Point, what?

[grumbledoak]

Council Baby said:

"Put out or get out".

But, in reality, first refusal of sex with your partner means it is over bar the shouting.

[Alfa numeric]

Alfa numeric said:

We're sat on the sofa last Sunday, me watching the BTCC whilst she has her laptop out looking at splashbacks for the kitchen.

Apparently asking her to wait five laps before I'll look at them with her was the wrong thing to say.

Oh and when she's spent an hour online looking at various options on a number of websites, the incorrect answer to "I've found it, what do you think?" is "I don't like it".

I'm like China in the UN- no decision making powers but an ultimate right of veto.

[Council Baby]

grumbledoak said:

Council Baby said:

"Put out or get out".

But, in reality, first refusal of sex with your partner means it is over bar the shouting.

Very true.

It didn't help when I went back the following week to get some clothes etc.

"Hi"
"who's that in the car"
"That's my new bird"
"bit young isn't she"
"yep 10 years younger than you"
MENTAL
"Should I invite her in?"

It had been over for 6 months and we were both seeing other people anyway, time had come to stop pretending.

[Rude-boy]

grumbledoak said:

Council Baby said:

"Put out or get out".

But, in reality, first refusal of sex with your partner means it is over bar the shouting.

I wouldn't say that. Mrs and I are still going strong despite me turning her down last year. It was only a day after I'd had a Ureteric stent removed though

[LukeBird]

omgus said:

I have just found out a brilliant wind up potential cause for divorce from one of the contractors at work. He pays his wife a wage from his company to look after the home "office" and as such spends a fair amount of time winding her up that he is her boss.

One of his shirts had a stain in it that his wife couldn't get out in the laundry, so he has mocked up a letter as if it is from his companies HR dept informing her that it is unsatisfactory working standards and she will be subject to a full performance review, possible investigation and a disciplinary and she has 14 days to respond.

She got the letter this morning and has in his own words "not seen the funny side and has gone supernova".

He can't see why she is so angry, and everytime she calls him he gets the giggles. I think he will be in the doghouse for a while after this one.

Superb! Do keep us updated with any developments!