Broaching the subject of her weight gain
Discussion
She'll know already. And maybe she's fine with it... Which leads onto:
How you handle it depends on whether it's for your 'benefit' (IYSWIM), you're simply trying to be nice, or both... But if it's both then really it's for your benefit, at least that's the way it's likely to be perceived.
Maybe make it into a joint 'thing' to do, for support etc, rather than being seen as criticism?
How you handle it depends on whether it's for your 'benefit' (IYSWIM), you're simply trying to be nice, or both... But if it's both then really it's for your benefit, at least that's the way it's likely to be perceived.
Maybe make it into a joint 'thing' to do, for support etc, rather than being seen as criticism?
Just be honest. My wife was prescribed medication by her doctor that caused her to gain about 4 stone in 3 months, from 8.5 stone to 12.5 in what to me was the blink of an eye. It was an extraordinary and entirely unwelcome transformation, made worse by the fact that her doctor hadn't warned her of the potential weight gain (he later said he was worried she wouldn't take it if he had). It got to the stage where it looked like someone had stuck her head on someone else's (fat) body. I just couldn't get my head round it and told her that it was unacceptable (neither of us put it down to the medication. We assumed that it was as a by product of a recent miscarriage). I paid for her to see a personal trainer -she'd never needed to to exercise before and hated it - and although it made a bit of a difference initially, the doc upped her meds and the weight went back on. I'm ashamed to admit that I just couldn't look at her in the same way as before. As far as I was concerned I was living with another person who happened to look a bit like my wife, except for the massive belly, arms and legs. It was quite destructive (although I still adored her).
Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.
But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.
But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
Joey Ramone said:
Just be honest. My wife was prescribed medication by her doctor that caused her to gain about 4 stone in 3 months, from 8.5 stone to 12.5 in what to me was the blink of an eye. It was an extraordinary and entirely unwelcome transformation, made worse by the fact that her doctor hadn't warned her of the potential weight gain (he later said he was worried she wouldn't take it if he had). It got to the stage where it looked like someone had stuck her head on someone else's (fat) body. I just couldn't get my head round it and told her that it was unacceptable (neither of us put it down to the medication. We assumed that it was as a by product of a recent miscarriage). I paid for her to see a personal trainer -she'd never needed to to exercise before and hated it - and although it made a bit of a difference initially, the doc upped her meds and the weight went back on. I'm ashamed to admit that I just couldn't look at her in the same way as before. As far as I was concerned I was living with another person who happened to look a bit like my wife, except for the massive belly, arms and legs. It was quite destructive (although I still adored her).
Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.
But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
That's the most important bit. Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.
But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
If she isn't as bothered about it as you, and chances are she isn't since she apparently hasn't noticed, you're on a hiding to nothing.
Joey Ramone said:
Just be honest. My wife was prescribed medication by her doctor that caused her to gain about 4 stone in 3 months, from 8.5 stone to 12.5 in what to me was the blink of an eye. It was an extraordinary and entirely unwelcome transformation, made worse by the fact that her doctor hadn't warned her of the potential weight gain (he later said he was worried she wouldn't take it if he had). It got to the stage where it looked like someone had stuck her head on someone else's (fat) body. I just couldn't get my head round it and told her that it was unacceptable (neither of us put it down to the medication. We assumed that it was as a by product of a recent miscarriage). I paid for her to see a personal trainer -she'd never needed to to exercise before and hated it - and although it made a bit of a difference initially, the doc upped her meds and the weight went back on. I'm ashamed to admit that I just couldn't look at her in the same way as before. As far as I was concerned I was living with another person who happened to look a bit like my wife, except for the massive belly, arms and legs. It was quite destructive (although I still adored her).
Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.
But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
Quite ironic, in a good way in the end, that coming off anti-depressants has helped your OH more than being on them.Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.
But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
Don't mention hers, at all, until she does.
How about "I'm going to try to eat a bit less crap and do a bit more exercise love, I've put on a few pounds over xmas."
She then has opportunity to say "yep, me too", if she wants to do something about it. If she doesn't immediately join in, at least you then have your own reason for buying/cooking/serving healthier grub at mealtimes, rather than the direct approach of "no takeaway tonight, you're looking a bit chubby lately"!
Whatever you do don't try to force the issue, it won't end well.
How about "I'm going to try to eat a bit less crap and do a bit more exercise love, I've put on a few pounds over xmas."
She then has opportunity to say "yep, me too", if she wants to do something about it. If she doesn't immediately join in, at least you then have your own reason for buying/cooking/serving healthier grub at mealtimes, rather than the direct approach of "no takeaway tonight, you're looking a bit chubby lately"!
Whatever you do don't try to force the issue, it won't end well.
Put this on her ipod:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vANcgolYNds
Would you get away with writing those lyrics today?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vANcgolYNds
Would you get away with writing those lyrics today?
Impasse said:
"I'm really cross with your mate, Jenny. She said you're getting fat and got very shouty when I told her not to be so rude."
Definitely try that approach.
That's clever.Definitely try that approach.
Until she asks her friend. And together they work out what is really going on. So at least do it with an enemy of hers, not a friend.
One thing you could try is focusing on fitness and heart health. Say you think you both ought to get fitter to reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke and discuss some kind of sport you could both take up (or fitness class). Once you get into the swing of things, she'll start seriously considering eating less st. Overall that should improve her size, but there's still no guarantee. "I did an hour of walking at 1mph so will treat myself with two KFC family buckets and a box of eclairs."
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