Oh Mars Bar

[Gwagon111]

So, today I ran into a young lady, with whom I had a bit of a mad fling, a couple of months back. Nothing serious, just a bit of 'fun'. "Hiya" says I. "Yeahhhhhhh, how are you?" Says she. At this point, I notice a visible 'bump'. I said"Congratulations, when's it due". She said "April", then gave me the Vulcan death stare. I didn't hang around too long. WTF do I do now? She hasn't contacted me much since the 'fling'. Maybe she doesn't want me around. I'm genuinely confused. I know 'the mental' is strong in this one. How the hell do I approach this?

[Gwagon111]

extraT said:

if its yours, be a man and do the right thing.

I'm on it. I phoned her just now, she reckons "we need to talk". I'm no pussy, if I've done it, we'll have to see what transpires, I guess. Of course I'll keep you lot informed .

[Gwagon111]

Pints said:

Keeping Jeremy Kyle in the loop is probably also not a bad idea.

She's not the quintessential 'Kyle fodder'. Her old man has a farm, a Mk2 landy, and an impressive collection of guns . I get this right, or I'll be missing a few bits and pieces.

[Gwagon111]

GadgeS3C said:

I'm no expert on such things but a visible bump and not due until April - is that normal from a fling a couple of months ago?

I hope you're right. It's a close call. She will tell it like it is, she's pretty straight down the line, not one to mess me about.

[Gwagon111]

dirkgently said:

You need to take steps, fking great long ones

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be etc. etc. etc. .

[Gwagon111]

Chim said:

I call bullst, no way you would see a bump this early on

I hope you're right. I guess I'll find out soon enough. T.B.F. the bump is barely there, I'm just very perceptive, don't forget that we'd been 'at it' for a couple of months previously. Sorry to paint bad pictures in people's mind's .

Edited by Gwagon111 on Friday 30th August 19:48

[Gwagon111]

Puggit said:

Mars Bar?!

If I'd have stuck to Mars bars, I would have nothing to worry about .

[Gwagon111]

Tango13 said:

Correct me if i'm wrong but the beginning of April is seven months away and she's showing after only two months?

We'd been 'together' for a bit previously .

[Gwagon111]

Puggit said:

Well then she's been pregnant longer, so must be due before April!

I'll find out in the next few hours.

[Gwagon111]

taters said:

I reckon this thread is bks and OP is telling fibs

You've been around here, for less time the embryo in question, so you can guess what I think of your 'contribution'.

Anyway, I've had a nice long chat with her, she's known about it for a while, had 'the twelve week scan' , and there's no way anyone has been on the scene, in the timescale involved, not by a long chalk. It looks like I'm banged to rights . She's a cool customer, I stood well back, then mentioned a D.N.A. test, my head is still on my shoulders, so that's that for a few months. Now the question is, do I fk off out of it for a bit, or get more involved?

[Gwagon111]

spaximus said:

Could be worse, her dad has a farm, is she an only child? You might be on a winner here

That's what I was thinking.

[Gwagon111]

Matt_N said:

If she's had a 12 week scan a due date of April is not possible?

Yep, I think the April thing was to judge my reaction. She knows damn well when it's due. I'm sure ill find out in due course.

[Gwagon111]

Hooli said:

But does he own a brewery and was it first date?

Kevin bloody Wilson

[Gwagon111]

khevolution said:

Could be possible, my fiance is only 10 wk pregnant and the baby bump is clearly showing, I did say if she was just putting on extra weight, as you can imagine that did not go down too well.

.

[Gwagon111]

Piersman2 said:

I'll go for:

Sex - not enough to be getting involved with all this
Weight - she's not gonna be getting any lighter for the next 6 months
Name - he's never revealed her name yet.

Sex = I wish I hadn't .

Weight = about about 9 months.

Name = Bork.

[Gwagon111]

eltax91 said:

Do you believe it's yours? Dates do t sound right.

The jury is still out, and shall remain so until the Deoxyribonucleic acid test is done .

[Gwagon111]

limpsfield said:

I call BS on this too. Anyone who describes London as "big scary London town" and has their profile pic at some Veuve do, isn't getting any sex.

I could tell you what I think of this 'contribution', but it would result in a permanent ban.

[Gwagon111]

Justices said:

You bumped into her, noticed she was a bit full in the stomach, asked when it's due and got the death stare? Are you sure she is pregnant? That sounds like you've just pissed off a woman who perhaps mistook the pie shop for the gym.

If true, good luck with it! Oh and, be a good sport and furnish us with a photo of your good self so we may commemorate the event by photoshopping you to high heaven

There are plenty of photo's of me on here, photoshop away, photoshop away .

[Gwagon111]

LC2 said:

Her dad owns a farm.
Does he keep pigs?
Are there at least 16 pigs?

If so, be wary...

I've seen Snatch . He is very like 'brick top'. I'm worried .

[Gwagon111]

Andyjc86 said:

The dates don't add up, even if she had had her 12 week scan on the day you saw her, then that gives a due date of mid march.

According to my missus, if you are 12 weeks pregnant, then it means the baby was conceived in mid to late June. All assuming the scan was Friday.

So OP, when did you last play hide the sausage with her?

Yeah, all very valid points I was going at it regularly with her, from last December until about July this year. I think this may have been a case of 'spontaneous bagless drunk rumpy pumpy accident'. The plan is to keep an interest, but not get too involved, until she drops. If its mine, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.