What to do about this?

[PurpleMoonlight]

After almost 9 years of absolutely nothing I have received this from my ex wife via text!

"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"

J is now 10.

V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.

I have serious doubts J is actually my child.

I really don't know what to do for the best.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Thanks for the comments guys.

What do you think if I suggested J initially emails me?

[PurpleMoonlight]

Pothole said:

hat are you scared of?

I'm not sure that immediately speaking to a 10 year old child that I do not know from Adam is wise.

[PurpleMoonlight]

doogz said:

He's ten.

He's a child.

Have you spent much time around people that age?

None.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Hitch78 said:

Text the ex back and say that you'd entertain a meeting on the basis that a paternity test is complete in advance.

I think I'm inclined to do this.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Thanks again all. Much to think about.

Please don't confuse my ex with abandoned hard done by single mothers. She was engaged to be married to someone else a month after leaving me (yes before she had even filed for divorce from me) and went on to have two children with him.

She fought contact all the way through court and eventually thwarted me by obtaining a court order giving her permission leave the UK.

She is not a nice person, and in all honesty I would very much prefer never to have to see or communicate with her in any way ever again ....

[PurpleMoonlight]

the wicker man said:

my son was took from me before he was born, she was Irish & went back to the Roi, all i have of him is a scan print out, hes now nearly 6 & i don't even know his name, i have tried for years to find them with no luck, i know there in the roi somewhere, no body will tell me anything her family just stone wall me etc etc

hes my boy & i don't even know what he looks like its destroying me from the inside out, its destroying my life & my marriage

Feel for you.

You need to accept that the mother holds all the cards and you are not even in the game. Try to concentrate on what is good in your life and the future you have with your wife. I know that is easy to say but not easy to do, and it took me at least 6 years to get there, but you can get there, you must get there. You must not let grief and an evil woman ruin your life.

The past couple of years I have been concentrating on working hard to build my business and trying to see as much of the world as I can (not that easy when I don't like flying ). For me it worked wonders and now I find myself looking forward to my next trip and not back at the darkness of depression and self pity.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Herbie58 said:

You don't really know what her frame of mind was when she left you, albeit clearly not right.

I think her state of mind is obvious. She wanted to be married to someone else ....